Trying to figure things out for my grandson

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I have a 7 year old grandson that lives with us who is autistic. Our main concern with him at the moment is that he seems to always be in a make believe world. Always telling us we are a dragon or that he is going to go slay a dragon. Or he will mimick one of the movies he has just watched. It's hard to get him to be just himself and not someone else or something else. My wife thinks that maybe we should get him on some kind of meds for it. I'm not sure if this a something he might just grow out of because he is just 7 but the teachers at his school also some times have problems getting him to concentrate on his work and not make believe. He is not on any other kind of meds as this is the only problem we have really had with him. Any insite would be great.

Hi, Grandpa - good for you for taking care of your grandson and for showing concern.

"Special interests" are a common feature of autism; while I am no expert, it sounds to me like your grandson is interested in dragons. A special interest can be a good way to reach an autistic child; Temple Grandin often talks about it as the way to helping kids find a career, etc. I liked what this article had to say: http://autism.about.com/b/2009/06/15/ha ... uccess.htm

Welcome! Wrong Planet also has a parents' discussion forum; you might do some browsing around there and see if there is information that helps you.

Autistic people sometimes pretend to be animals or other characters because it is easier than pretending to have the social skills that makes up a human. I even get stuck doing this still.

Putting an autistic child on meds that aren't necessary is a bad route because autistic people do not always react well to them. I'm on them but I can barely leave my house even with them. I don't think they should be used unless for violent behaviour or when they're old enough to chose for themselves. Often the side effects are worse than the problem that they are being treated for.

It would seem like dragons are his main focus of interest. Could you have him do his work with a dragon themed pencil, or make it dragon themed in some way? Unless he is having severe problems concentrating (not getting any word done at all), I'd avoid medication and I'm sure a parent will have some advice. You could post in the parenting forum.

You have an imaginative grandkid who'll probably grow into a more efficient and appropriate use of his fantasies, even as they intensify. Congratulations!

Don't worry about trying to make him be himself. Definitely don't worry about meds. HOWEVER, you say this is causing problems concentrating. Is it?

The first thing to ask is why he's not concentrating. It might be that he's being lazy and would rather have fun. (If he's in public school, that might be a better use of his time anyway.) That's a discipline issue; I have no insight to offer on that. But it might be that he has some other reason for not concentrating, and simply chooses to make believe rather than sit there doing nothing at all. If that's the case, I may have suggestions, but from there you need to figure out why he can't concentrate-- it might be executive dysfunction (if he's autistic, that's not unlikely) or it might be that the work is too hard or explained vaguely or laid out in a way that he can't process.

Thank you for seeking advice from people who've been there, and thank you for trying to understand. I wouldn't worry too much about it.

I would worry more a traumatic experience than meds with an autistic kid who lived in a dream world. If you have any reason to suspect that abuse has happened, it is logical that he might be reacting to that.

But if you don't have reasons to suspect abuse, don't worry about it just because of this. Trying to slay dragons might be a way to deal with things that seem as scary or overwhelming as dragons to him. My opinion is that the best way to get him past this need to be someone other than himself is to make it as safe and okay as possible to be him. Try to figure out what the real dragons in his life are, and help him cut them down to size. Make sure that you give him plenty of praise for being himself-- tell him that you want to be with him and that you want him to be himself. Make sure he knows he is loved as he is-- not that you aren't already doing these things, of course. Help him feel safe. I really think that will be more effective than meds.

No there is no abuse. He and his mom have lived with us their whole lives. I just used dragons as one example of what he will use for make believe. I didn't think meds were an anwser. I have been doing a lot of different reading since he was diagnosed at 2 with autism. just have never read anything about anyone with such this kind of imagination all the time. Thank you everyone for the help so far.

Fantasy in, fantasy out.


Meds can be good in psychiatric situations, but that is not the situation for your grandson or either of mine. Grandparents should not have to be raising their grandchildren, but parenting is still what children need.


That is where he possibly sees the fantasy world as actually necessary in order to cope, and that will be a long-running challenge.

Do not press him hard or just "cut him off" from any kind of fantasy at home, but do try to help him put that fantasy into perspective with the reality some careful nurturing can eventually help him comprehend and face.

Yeah i just figure its his way of coping with things. And i figure that with just the love and support we try and give him it should just go away in time.

It's not odd at all. I was like that at his age; I'm still like that now. Maybe he'll grow up to produce works of fiction.

He IS being just himself. He is exploring his world, but in a manner at odds with what is expected.

As said in another post, this focus on dragons could be a good way to teach other things. Perhaps redirecting it rather than trying to prevent it would be a better tactic.

She sums it up pretty well

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T10V4xoE8I[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9w--sv6KyQ[/youtube]

So let him be who he is.

I learned a long time ago that if I wanted my son to come into my world, I first had to go into his. So if your grandson wants to be a dragon then play along and be a dragon grandfather. How much fun you could have! And how much you could share and teach him - but in a world he understands and is comfortable in.

And I promise you, he has lots to teach you if you will open yourself to him.

And soon, he might feel comfortable venturing into your world.

But he might not.

And that's ok.

What do we want for our loved ones? We want them to be happy.

And they determine what makes them happy, not us.

So let him be who he is.
Love him for who he is.
Don't judge him as right or wrong.
And work with him and not against him.


P.S. And get him the movie How to Tame Your Dragon - sure to be a hit!

Those are things that I wish my parents did for me. They did the opposite. That's why I go on about my special interests on WP, yet I act like everybody else in real life.

If he's happy then ideation is probably linked to this; take it away or medicate him and he'll suffer as a result. He's 7!! Let him play!!

Maybe being a dragon is more like himself than you think.

It's good to encourage a special interest. Maybe encourage him to draw or tell stories to you. If it interferes with school work it can be a problem.
I do this thing called fixed fantasy (imagining complex stories in my head with detailed time/location - like watching a movie) which as a 24 year old story writer is quite useful but in school and when doing homework I had to put it on pause.

I still live in my world. I'm a Time Lord and no one can convince me otherwise. But I can go back into reality. I find it quite dull though.

There's no way you'll be able to medicate him unless he was delusional or hyperactive/ other attention problems. It's just an overactive imagination or a coping mechanism. Without it he may be under a lot of stress.

I also love dragons. I've got loads of books on them and I even began to draw them in a lot of detail. I'm kind of gifted in that department.
How To Train Your Dragon is great. It reminds me I saw a video of two autistic brothers playing with their HTTYD Happy Meals. Was so sweet.
And introduce him to the luck dragon Falcor if he hasn't watched The Never Ending Story before. He was probably my imaginary friend at times.