eye contact

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Exactly what does eye contact mean? Growing up i was lectured alot about the importance of looking someone in the eye, and told I need to do this. I learned to look at someone's face, or look past their face and this pleases most people. Is this what is meant?

I can't stand having to look people in the eye. It's like some sort of static electricity, it's unbearable. Most NTs don't have a problem with it (so I hear!) and for most people it's both a part of showing attention to what's being said when listening, and a part of being trusted when speaking. So it throws people off a bit when us aspies don't do it.

Looking past their face is a good idea - I like the sound of that. I'll try it out next time I'm in that situation!

Now I'm a loud and proud aspie, I sometimes tell people not to worry about my lack of eye contact as it's due to my condition... but I only tell people who I think will understand.

I don't get the question. As in, I'm not sure if you are asking what you seem to be, because the answer seems so obvious.

Eye contact is looking someone in they eye while they look you in the eye. Now, the when, and how long, and alternatives is more complicated. But what it is is pretty simple.

It may seem simple to you, because you might not have problem in that area. It's not that simple for me. I may think that my eye contact is impecable, but most people tell me that I look through the corners of my eyes, when I'm talking to them.

I tend to look at peoples' mouths a lot... I have no idea why, because i suck at lip reading... I guess it's just because that's where the sound is coming from or something. If they're standing close to me i usually want to look in another direction, though.

1. There exists an unnamed substance.
2. The brain produces this thing.
3. The brain can sometimes shoot this thing outwards.
4. The brain can aim while shooting it.
5. During conversation a normal person's brain produces and shoots this thing at the other person's head constantly.
6. The other person's head can sense the incoming substance and it turns into a nice "feeling" somehow.
7. The other person's mind associates the nice feeling with the concept of eye contact.
8. The other person concludes that eye contact is happening.
9. The autistic person's brain can produce this substance in much higher quantities to the point that it feels like a dark heavy cloud on your head.
10. The autistic person's brain can shoot this thing outwards and aim it too.
11. The autistic person's brain doesn't shoot this thing during conversation.
12. The autistic person can aim his eyes towards the other person's eyes.
13. The other person knows the autistic eyes are aimed at him but is not receiving that nice feeling.
14. The other person concludes that eye contact is not being made.

Point 4 is a theory of mine. Point 11 i'd like to research. I have theories about point 6 but too vague to be worded. Notice the use of the word "head" instead of "brain" in points 5 and 6, there's a reason for that. About point 7 i apologize for using such an ill defined word as "mind", i know a better word but dare not use it here.

"look me in the eye" = look directly at the persons pupils and the surrounding color area of the eye. Looking at both eyes, at the same time, for as long as it takes them to finish speaking (if it's a lecture, that could be a looooong time). Sometimes there's a back and forth thing, using both of your eyes to look at one of the other person's eyes, then the next, glancing back and forth between the two.

I don't like it, it makes me uncomfortable. I was thinking of how to describe it, and the best way I can come up with is.. it makes me feel like I'm seeing something embarrassing. Like if I glanced over and saw someone with there pecker hanging out. I sure as heck wouldn't stand there and stare right at it while I talked to them about the weather.
I avoid it like I would avoid seeing someone changing out of their bathing suit at the Y. I'll look everywhere but there.

Simultaneously, in addition to feeling like 'whoa' I feel like they are seeing me in a personal situation. Imagine being in the middle of a gynaecology exam when the doctor insists they can't speak to you unless you look them in the eye.

Cha. Pass!

Nice post but i disagree with some of it. I've only very recently started 'doing' eye contact but in the short time I've been practicing it it has actually become a pleasant thing to do to the point where I actually seek it out. To begin with it was really not pleasant but like with anything else that doesn't kill you exposure makes it easier to handle. So I definitely recieve the 'incoming substance' that prduces the nice feeling associated with eye contact but you've just put the doubt into my head that the people I'm contacting may not.

I think like you say the feeling associated with eye contact is much more intense for people on the spectrum and like many people say produces an almost physical (I say almost cos it's not felt in a particular place) sensation similar to pain, I think this is actually a misinterpreted 'nice' feeling.
We get the same thing with physical touch, if I'm touched unexpectedly I'll jump with a shock that's a remarkably similar feeling to the eye contact shock. Now physical contact isn't unpleasant, in fact when it's on our own terms I'd guess most of us would say it can be very pleasurable. I'm thinking the same could be true of eye contact. Not sure I explained that well but there ya go

I think basically we feel things more intensely and as such pleasure can sometimes be too much like when tickling gets too much even though it's a pleasurable sensation at lower intensity.

Nice observation, you remind me of myself discovering patterns.

I have a name now for that "unnamed substance" from eye contact: organic light. Think of your brain like a flashlight shooting a cone of light aimed at the source of your interest, so the source will get a feeling in a circular area of their skin, if it is strong enough to be felt. You shoot a particular strong light when staring at a woman's body. Of course, this light, much like physical light is stopped by cloth, so she won't feel it unless her skin is exposed and then she'll be saying " i could feel their eyes all over me".

I also think so.

I stare at peoples' mouths, too. About a month before my diagnosis, I was catching myself doing this, oddly enough. I guess its just always been automatic. I try and make a conscious effort to look at someone right in the eye, but its too piercing for me. It makes me extremely uncomfortable....I'll suddenly go blank.