Rules

Post Reply New Topic

Everything that I do is very much dictated by the rules that I am aware of. It's something that's so ingrained that even when I am hysterically angry I can not bring myself to break them. I'm not sure why this is. My mother wasn't even aware of it until just recently.

We were having a conversation about my son's eating habits (he's very limited at the moment). My mother suggested that as he's around other people in different situations that he would branch out. She followed this with "You always ate better when you were invited to a friend's house. They would tell me what you ate and I was shocked because you wouldn't eat that at home." So I started laughing, and explained why that was to her. It was simple - at some point in my childhood she told me that refusing to eat food offered to you by a host or hostess was rude. So, I would always choke down whatever was put in front of me so that I wouldn't appear to be ill-mannered (which was a grave offense in my parent's home).

Can anyone else relate?

Strangely, for an at times very oppositional person I always make sure I obey rules and remind people of them when they fail to obey them.

Yes to a point... but I also have deep in my childhood the rule that some rules were meant to be broken...


(This from a guy who was banned from red lobster after starting a food fight!)

As a child, I would learn rules and think they only apply there. For example I would only follow the rules at home but when I be at school or at someone's house or anywhere, I didn't follow them. When I be at school, I did school rules and acted like the other kids there because it was school behavior. I am still that way so that's why I act different on every forum because of different rules and how people act there. My mom told me most kids know home rules apply everywhere, even in school and at friends houses.

This reminds me of the time when I was in high school, when we leave school for a field trip lets say or go on a trip over night for a few days, we all be reminded the school rules still apply as if other kids wouldn't know we don't have to follow school rules anymore because we are not at school so I know I am not alone in this. Also in school I played video games in some classes because the teachers allowed it but in certain classes I didn't play them because those teachers didn't allow it. Same as listening to music.

Part of being an aspie for me is being very rules oriented. My day is filled with self imposed and societal imposed rules, which I follow 95% of the time. However, the odd thing is I hate to be told what to do. I suppose there always has to be a little rebellion and I would much rather be left to my own devices.

My son does exactly what you described, setting rules and sticking to them. He's told me some of the rules he has for himself, and many are based on things we've emphasized to him. He is very good about sticking to his rules. As a parent, I know that if I can sell a concept well enough, he'll write it as a rule to himself, and I'll never have to worry about it. He's such a great kid to parent!

All we have to do now is lean which rules can be broken.

ruveyn

Well, I think to put it simple, people with autism simply don't like to be put in a situation where they are uncomfortable and breaking the rules usually brings out that uncomfortable situation. People on the autism spectrum as I can see love organization in there lives and routine. Although I believe people with autism or asies can break rules like any other person can but usually they have different guidelines in there heads. I think maybe it has to do to some extent how you where raised and what you learned.

I am a rule follower myself, but over the years I learned from other peers on how its sometimes ok to "Bend" the rules, I think it depends on the rule mostly but I am a rule follower. My mom always told me ADHD kids are rule breakers and people with Autism are rule followers.

Rule breaking has always caused anxiety for me. When I got put in the foster care system, I learned that other families have different sets of rules and special ways of doing things. It became especially apparent that this was a problem because I wouldn't even do chores unless the new family explained/showed me how they wanted it done.

As a mother now, I can see how frustrating that must have been for my care givers.

I don't like breaking rules and I don't like being asked to break them. As I've gotten older I've kind of nuanced my rules based on situations, but it's not been easy. Having my son helped me to learn to re-evaluate what's really important and what's not so much - that has been very helpful.

I don't think parenting a child like my son or myself or any of us really IS that difficult, so long as you understand what you're dealing with and can be consistent. And at least one parent has to be, or it rips the foundation out from under you.

DW, yes I think it makes kids like us much easier to parent. My husband has two other kids, and our son is so different from them in so many ways. He can really appreciate what he is and how much easier he is to manage. I think the rigidity that comes with those rules can be cumbersome though. I guess it's a trade-off.

A person who gets annoyed because you want to know how they would like something done is an idiot (harsh, but this is a sore spot for me). I wish more people would be that considerate. I have a mother-in-law who re-arranges my house every visit and annoys me to no end, mostly because it's obvious that she doesn't cook often and arranges MY kitchen that way.

I relate.

ahh a fellow comrade. i also live by rules, could you imagine chaos? no thanks.