Tiptoeing in counselling therapy

Post Reply New Topic

Hey all,

I'm about to go to my final uni class in Counselling Psychology today. Thought I'd reflect on one of the things I noticed during the course. There was a big emphasis on the way a counsellor should approach issues, and while we learnt that there is a place for challenging the client, most of the time everything should be explored cautiously, so as not to offend/scare/confront the client too much.

I can see how this strategy is important when dealing with things such as extreme phobias, traumatic events/upbringing, etc. But personally, I would never want my psychologist to "tiptoe" around anything or to try overly hard not to offend me. I would be there to get help, get to the point, and talk about all my problems straight-up. "Let's get this thing fixed!"

I just wondered if I was fairly unique in feeling this way, or if others agree that approaching problems so delicately can be time-wasting. In particular, to those of you who have seen a psychologist in regards to AS/autism, what approach did you want them to take? Softly softly, or straight to the core? Or something else?

P.S. In case you are worried, no I could never be a counselling psychologist myself and I do not intend to try!

I'm okay with counselors being gentle and letting me dictate the way I want to work on various issues. Most of them quickly pick up on my wanting to really delve into something deeply and behave accordingly. I'd have problems with a counselor who had an inflexible approach and either ALWAYS had to tiptoe around even when I was trying to get him to be blunt, or ALWAYS behaved in a confrontational manner and behaved aggressively. I've actually had counselors of both these types, and I did not appreciate either of them. Flexibility is the right approach, I believe, that and checking in with your client about how they wish to approach various issues.

Hi yellowtamarin.

I think part of the skill of counseling is knowing when you can push the client, and when to ease off. Basically, it should be the right balance. If you don't push, the client will remain 'sick'. If you push too much, they can feel threatened, close down and become defensive, and no positive movement can be made then.

I'm in a therapy group at the moment and I get a little irritated at the tippy toeing. It's very slow for my liking, and I tend to be the one doing a lot of the pushing. The therapist there is a lot more cautious than I am

I'm also interested in possibly making a career as a counselor, would you mind if I perhaps PMed you to talk a little about your education, career plans, etc?

Doing a Bachelor of Social Work atm, and going for Humanistics next year - which in turn teaches me to become counseler or advisor

There is no one approach that works for everyone, setting that upfront.
Most of the work is tailormade, based upon theories, practice and life experiences.
To find a way between not to rough, but not to soft is a art itself if I say so myself - in some occassions being very blunt also works.

A lot of patience and thinking in advance is something you really need to do to prevent from making it worse then it is atm.
Starting out cautiously might be wise for beginners, but you have to take calculated risks from time to time to prevent getting waterlogged in the situation with your client. Murphy's Law is in effect here too, so prepare to improvise when it goes wrong.

I;ve done this kind of stuff long before I started the education, I mostly done it auto-diadact.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

Yes I agree with you all, the best counsellor is one that can adapt to the client. I'd like to make it easy for my counsellor (and more productive for me) by telling them in the first session not to bother about trying to tread lightly. But, I don't have any issues that I would worry about discussing at any level. A lot of people do and its a skill to detect who these people are.


Sure, but I'm not making a career out of counselling myself. I took this subject as part of the overall course, mostly for interest's sake. I'd be happy to chat about it though.

I thought this thread was about toe-walking at the counselors office, damn.

I wondered if someone would think that after I reread my choice of topic! Feel free to talk about that too if you like, hehe.

LOL. Me too. Literal thinking in action?

im not comfortable under scrutiny, and im possibly a tiny bit paranoid

havent done the counselling thing ever, have considered it but dont feel comfortable about the idea

what i cant stand is arrogance or belittlement. if i pick up on what i think is either, i shut down and get defensive

i think if i did go, i would need to tip toe around the issue until i was comfortable, then id probably barge right through

i dont know how long that would take me

I just thought of an amusing (to me) analogy. It's like removing a band aid. Do you like to peel it slowly or tear it off quick?

A familiar problem under health care workers, roughly translated from Dutch it's called Caretaker Syndrome - At the moment they get their degree they get cockey and think they know everything and belittle their clients like they where their childeren.

I recently had a case for a test where the client was constantly being belittled in the text by the Health Care Workers as if it was normal, while he clearly identified that they aren't helping because they don't listen to him - while the Health Care Workers argued he simply doesn't coöperate...

If you want help because you got serious problems ask for someone with atleast 15 to 20 years experience, because most beginners just miss the needed experience for helping you.
The duration of the talks depends on the progress made, emotionally and practically.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

haha yeah, bandaid

i may not be seeing a counsellor, but i know someone who is (different reasons) and yeah, i get where you're coming from

ah no, when you said bandaid i interpreted as glossing over a problem, rather then getting in and fixing it

as for your problem counsellors - both my parents were in health services (child and adult, aged care and disabilities, you name it, they probably did it) and you get those kind of people in all jobs, you put them in charge of someones care or promote them to manager and their self elevation is, well, sickening

Something weird must happen once a psych student becomes a qualified psychologist, because all my fellow students are really thoughtful and caring, and seem to be very concerned with the rights and vulnerabilities of clients. I can't imagine them becoming arrogant or belittling. But, I have seen one counsellor and I was not at all impressed with her. I wonder what she was like before she became qualified.

I was in a group session once and the therapist decided to do role playing with me. She pushed too hard and I almost lost it. She was lucky that my reaction to the intense emotions she dredged up was a complete shut down instead of explosive rage. I'm not a fan of pushing too hard.

I don't say it will happen to everyone of them, but most will have it to some or other extend. The trick is staying in service of your client, showing humility almost alturisticly (don't forget yourself ). You are there for them, not the other way around. Ofcourse you can learn a great deal from your client, but that is a pleasant side-effect.