Giving off vibes

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I am becoming mildly agoraphobic and I'm scared it will become worse.
Because no matter where I go, people always look at me. It's like their attention is drawn to me because I must give off vibes telling them that I am a weirdo. I have excellent eyesight and peripheral vision (I think that's the word) and so I can see if somebody is staring at me, and when I dare myself to take a quick glance at them - low and behold - they are staring at me. I can tell if I'm being stared at or not. I can just sense it, like cats can. My cat can always tell if I'm staring at her from behind, and when I finish staring at her she relaxes again. So you get the idea.

Not only that, I know I give off vibes and everyone around me just knows I'm weird (even though I'm not weird in that way). I don't seem to give off vibes to people at work, but when I'm in the street I do seem to, and it's starting to bother me now. I've become very self-conscious, and I wish other people knew all about self-conscious, becaue most women get self-conscious about themselves at some point in their adult life, especially their young adulthood, and I just think people are so ignorant. I even catch people's eye on the street when I'm going by in a bus. They look up quickly and look at me as though I'm some sort of freak. I think one of the worst things is giving off vibes when you're not even doing anything to catch people's eye. I hate giving off vibes, and I've found lately (getting a bit personal here) when I come in from being out in the street I get diarhoea, from getting myself worked up so much about what sort of vibes I give off and why they stare.

It's very intimidating when people stare at you, and it's fine when you're someone who is cocky and confident and hard and had that I-couldn't-care-less attitude and you know you give off ''good vibes'', but when you're somebody like me who is nervous and unconfident, it is natural to feel a little intimidated when you get people looking at you. Friendly eye-contact is fine, but I know the differences between friendly eye-contact and accusing eye-contact. And I get the accusing eye-contact a lot, which does knock your confidence back.

I'm the type of person who cringes easily. I don't know about anyone else here, but I don't want to go out looking like an idiot. I want to go out looking nice and ordinary. I only have Aspergers - I'm not some sort of ret*d, so I do have the abilty to look the same as everybody else. It is very upsetting when I get people glaring at me, because standing out is one of the worst things what can happen to you, especially if you're young and attractive like me. I don't want to spend my young, healthy days looking like a weirdo, because I'm not a weirdo.

The other reason why I'm over-paranoied is because people can be very animalistic and predatory and if they notice any difference in someone it can be interpreted as a probable weakness and so they just jump to the fact that you're ''weird'' or a ''dork'' without even thinking. I thought that all happened in the playground, but I found that adults are worse - in a different sort of way. Getting abusive looks when you're just walking along minding your own business makes me so angry and confused, and can sometimes throw me into a mini meltdown. Some people on this site might not really care about that, but I do, and I don't like giving off these vibes, and I just don't know what to do. Does anyone else here feel you give off vibes even when you're not stimming, or walking funny, or holding yourself funny, or pulling a funny face? Because I never do anything different to anyone else, and if these horrible ''freak'' vibes carry on I'm never coming out of the house, and the public can find someone else to glare at.

Either I'm giving off really good vibes or really bad vibes. I haven't figured it out yet. I don't do it on purpose. I guess it's all part of having the charm of a Cockney and the attitude of a rebel.

I give off weird vibes, the kind that allow people to be able to tell that there's something "not quite right" about me mentally. I don't like to tell people that I've got Asperger's; I like to try to pass as NT, but I always wind up having to tell people anyway.

I get the gist of what you are saying. At least you aren't sending vibes that attract old men... Yeah....
Now I have this attitude where I don't care what I look like -- I go and get my business done and am polite to the people I am doing business with. If I need to plug my ears or something, I do. It's annoying, but if anyone has a problem with it, they can ask. I guess they are sort of asking, though, by giving off body language. Then I would have to produce a certain tone when I speak that doesn't express weakness or something, which is difficult. So, I let 'em stare. If they bother. Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you and I must tell you now. The secret to being a freak and getting away with it is doing everything as though it's the correct thing to do. For example, it's correct to plug my ears on the bus, because it's freakin' loud. It's also correct for you to walk down the street. That sort of thinking has done wonders. Another example is being at a dinner party and eating bread the wrong way, or something. The person could be like, "they do that where I come from." I mean, if they had no exposure to it, then they aren't at fault. It helps to build confidence and confident vibes.

I know what you mean, got the experiences myself. And now notice people who are vulnerable like you describe yourself - call it predatory vision. Use it in my line of work in benifit of others .

Always had a certain vibe about me for other people, the older the less frequent. Kindergarten and pre-school where the worst, because I sensed funny they avoided and shunned me. Still have it today, but those people keep their distance because I am more self-confident.
I guess it has something to do with empathic distancing, but never a issue with other autists...

Just a little advice: Watch out for the sexual predator, your in their fishing pool.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

I'm not sure I have the same problem worrying people are always staring at me. Some guys I once worked with used to tell me I"m not right in the head and that sort of thing. I've worried sometimes people see me as some weirdo though. That was when I didn't fully realize I weirded people out from not talking. Actually, that's all confusing, I don't know what to think about all that right now.

Sometimes I get eye contact from other guys and I'm not sure if it's threatening or not. I'd also like to wear my sunglasses more often, even in stores, but sometimes I get the feeling it causes people to stare me down.

It might be the flat effect of my face too.

A common complaint is being inconspicuous to the point of invisibility and inaudibility.

Possible being sensitized and uncomfortable makes you conspicuous - the old dog sensing fear routine. People DO - I do, others do - sense their own kind, and can feel comfort or discomfort.

Hi Joe - I can relate to the way you feel. I made a you-tube post, that I think you can access through my signature - that discusses some of the problems I have while out in public. I cite Walmart in particular - I have problems with people watching me, exactly in the manner you described. I've talked to my therapist about it last Tuesday even.

I know it can be very unnerving, but most NT's watch each other without realizing it. We are expected to make eye contact and smile, warmly, at them while nodding. That's the gist of it - but knowing that does not make it any easier. Anxiety, and being self-conscious, can really make a person miserable.

Actually, I do. I seem to send off vibes what tell other women that I am weird, and vibes what tell guys my age that I am unattractive, and vibes what tell men over 40 that I am the most beautiful young woman they have ever seen. I've been fighted over by 2 men in their 50s, and 3 men in their 50s and 60s have asked me out, and I've got a 40-odd year old at work who wants me in his bed.....

But to other women I am a geeky weirdo. That's why all my friends run a mile, and now I've just got to stick with older men because at least they enjoy my company better than girls and women do.

I think I give off "don't f**k with me or else I will hurt you" vibes.

I know what you mean by being stared at. I got used to it and just let it go. People still do it, but it doesn't bother me any more, well not as much. Now I think if they want to look, let them get an eye full and then I think "you're welcome". Now, rather than thinking I've got something wrong with me I think they're just curious. I'm often asked what my ethnicity is after someone's looked at me for a few minutes. I guess that's what most people are thinking. I look like a foreigner no matter where I go.

I get stared at, too. Sometimes staring means someone is apt to try something, so be careful about prolonged gawkers. The best way to deal with them is to just ignore them unless you actually want to talk to one. Maybe you think they would be cool to know. Then you can ask why they are staring.

When i think about how many people i look and stare at during the day, then i'm not surprised that so many people stare at me. I basically stare at everyone in my direct vision when i'm out on the street and i expect other people to do so aswell. They often cross my eyes anyways. The only thing is that i have no idea what they are thinking off when they do it. I dunno if they register what they see, like what they see, hate what they see. Then again, i wonder if people can read it off my face.

Some Aspies on this site have told me that all Aspies send of vibes without doing a single thing, and that the AS shows right through them, no matter what.
That has somehow frightened me because now I know there is no escape from standing out. I'll be called ''weird'' throughout my whole life, even when I'm 80.

I know some people just say, ''don't worry what they think'', because it's not so much that, it's the principle of the matter what is bothering me. It's even worse when you work in quite a rough town where you get ''eaten alive'' if you stand out in any way. Once I was walking in the street and this stupid teenage girl pointed right at me and laughed out loud, for no reason at all. I found that offensive. It makes me so angry, because even kids notice these horrible vibes. And she wasn't pointing and laughing at anyone else.

I just can't help beating myself up about it.

What is so wrong with being perceived as weird? At least you aren't invisible and a terrible bore. Wave your freak flag proudly. Life is too precious to spend it wishing you could be mediocre and typical.