feel like im drowning in autism

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my first post .....

an introduction im female 35 and the mother of 3 girls,my eldest girl has adhd and my girl aged 12 was dignosed a.s march 09 and thankfully since her dx things have improved for her, having the knowledge now about aspergers has helped me to understand her.

my husband is also in the process of seeking his own dx of aspergers,but im sad to say i left him last year as i felt i just couldnt contiue to be in a relationship with him, he has never has any help regarding his difficulties and now reading about adults with aspergers has given me insight to his difficulties from a different prespectous. we have all really struggled through and although we are not living together (i still think i made the right choice for all of us) we are still together in some respects and although i dont see a future that we can all live together again, i am trying to support him.

Now my 3year old is being assessed by our local a.s.d. unit and has already been dx with hyperlexia aged 2 they have been keeping regular checks on her as she fails to pass the usual baby developement checks, I believe she will in time be dx on the spectrum aswell .

Im just feeling like why ! !! i worry for my children future especially because of having first hand experenice of living with my (possible) a.s. husband and how hard it has been for me in relation to him. Is it possible that the extent of my husbands difficulties are because he never had any help or is this what the future holds for my girls :S

also want to add that im not n/t and have a dx of o.c.d. however after recieving cbt treatment i would regard myself in recovery.

any suggestion, support, words of wisdom greatly recieved
bee x

Judging from my own experiences and from what others on WP write, I think one of the most important things is to be patient with your children and to always let them know that they are important and worthy persons, even if they do not quite fit in with the people around them. I think it is more important to feel at ease with one's own life and surroundings than to fullfill the expectations of the majority. Try to give your children the self-confidence to find their own path in life, bewildered75.

Another important thing is to help them figure out how to get along with people. I learned most of my social skills from books, at an age when they should have been fully developed already. I think it would have been a great help to me if my mother had just explained to me what people were expecting of me and why. The last one is something many Aspies struggle with. There are a lot of examples when the established standard behaviour does not make a lot of sense, but even a sliver of understanding can be helpfull in adopting it. Even reasons like "It just makes people feel better!" may be appreciated.

It may be that your children develope interests that appear unsuitable for their age or totally unproductive. Do not try to talk them out of that. Special interests are important for many people on the spectrum and I think they should be respected as a part of your childrens' personality.

Always try to be patient and give constructive feedback (which does not mean that you cannot correct when it is neccessary) and your children should develop stable personalities that will help them to cope with many of the troubles life throws at everyone.

When my daughter was first diagnosed as ret*d and autistic and unable to process language, autism was ALL I could think about for the first year. My brain got tired of it all, but I could not think about anything else no matter how hard I tried. After a few years though, autism finally became just a part of life instead of all of it.

And then many years later I discovered I had Asperger's. That has taken a lot of processing as well.