Are there any aspie parents with kids on the spectrum

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Are you an aspie parent with kids.
I have two boys 6 and 9, one on the spectrum. I would like to know what type of schooling other parents have had the best results with,
particulaly high school. My greatest fear for him is the bullying I experienced in mainstream school. What has worked for you.

Yes, you will find several self-identified aspies with kids here. I especially recommend Gavin Bollard's blog

Click here to visit Life With Aspergers

But that's really just the tip of the iceberg. The answer to your question depends on how you define the term "aspie."

Does it mean diagnosed with aspergers?
Or does it mean person with strong tendencies toward autism, whether or not those are the traits recognized by Hans Asperger?

I don't have those traits, especially, but my autism is mild and undiagnosed. So some people would call me an aspie.

Let me tell you a secret:

Almost all parents of kids who have autism are on the spectrum themselves. Not necessarily to the point of impairment and often in one or two ways rather than several.

My father, for example, is inflexible and immature, as are the majority of people in his family. He's also exceptionally kind and hard-working, despite having meltdowns, and has been extremely successful. My mother's family has hypersensitivity to light and touch. They are also remarkably bright and insightful, and tend to be pillars of the community.

Both of my parents have brains that are unusually specialized, and that specialization has made them successful. It also drew them to each other-- they each have strengths and deficits, and those end up complementing each other. The problem is, that when you out together put genetic strains that tend toward specialization as strongly as my parents' do, you end up with a kid with me, who has a brain that tends too hard toward specialization. And we call that excessive tendency toward specialization autism.

It's really, really helpful if parents can recognize their autistic tendencies when working with their kids. My father's rigidity, for example, makes it impossible for him NOT to have sports playing at full volume on the television when I visit, even though he knows it causes me something very close to physical pain. He can't help but tell me everything he knows about how to get somewhere when I am lost (which I always am, even with a GPS, it's an amazing area of deficit) even though he knows that I can't process that much information. Even if I ask specifically, "Please just tell me the cross street." He can't help it.

Which is not a big deal now, and wouldn't be a big deal with most kids. But things like this were a HUGE deal when I was a kid, and I was constantly stressed out whenever either my father or my older sister was around. And they're both wonderful people. I think if I had been diagnosed when I was a child, my father would have been forced to confront his own Aspergers-- he actually matches the diagnostic criteria better than I do, even though my mother's hypersensitivity makes me undeniably impaired, while he seems just quirky. If he knew he had to work on developing his theory of mind, he would. If he noticed that his arms flapped when he is agitated, I think he would feel less alien from me when I do the same thing.

I'm a tutor now, who works individually with aspies who need help fitting into the regular classroom. It's great for me, because I get to use what I learned as a classroom teacher for twenty years without the overwhelming sensory aspects and the evaluation, which I just couldn't do effectively as a a result of my executive functioning problems. I think it's great for the kids because I can explain to them why their teachers do the weird things they do and what they might be able to do to actually get an education out of them.

But I have yet to meet a parent of a kid on the spectrum who was not somewhere on the spectrum, too-- just usually in the functional part of the range, where specialization is still as asset. And I've met a lot of them.

So----------------------

Yes, there are self-identified aspie parents here. With diagnoses and everything.

But you will find that many of parenting issues discussed here result from the parents' own tendency toward autism. So don't feel like only the self-identified aspie parents are going to understand issues that you think might be specific toward people who call themselves aspies. Most of the parents here are aspie-ish enough that they'll understand.

Hello, my 9 year old daughter is on the spectrum, sometimes I'm not sure how much it helps that I am as well. I understand what's going on but really don't know what to say to help, but understanding is a pretty big deal. As far as school goes, it's a tough one. One thing we've done is to dress her well, sounds strange but really, well dressed kids are treated better by other kids. I always had mismatched clothes and I can tell that didn't help my cause any. For now we just pray for the best, our public grade school is working really well with us. I've seen private schools work pretty badly, if you're not happy, they might lose money, so reports are not always unbiased.

yes to the daddy, dress your children according to fashion!! i suffered so much during school because of those weird clothes i was wearing, i am very careful with my son. i will give you a tip : go to a store that displays outfits in the windows, and pick those. the full match. Then you are certain there is nothing weird about your kid's clothing.
about the schooling thing, i am in france so i can't help much, but am thinking in homeschooling. Being bullied shouldn't be a part of a child's life, and even if you don't want to homeschool, be prepared for the teachers wisdom: that will "toughen him up"a bit. your kid is such a wimp. you know the trouble with schools and the general education anyone gives children like ours? they give them fake rules.
they say children should report to the teacher if they are in trouble, but when my son comes and tells the teacher "i have pain in my belly ( because someone had kicked him, mind you) she answers : and I have a headache.
"you need to use your words", try that with a bully. "you should be the bigger person and walk away "( sure) , you should be polite( what? ever heard of a polite kid except aspie ones?? when you're polite you're the target.)
the rules are not what they say they are. they give NT children these rules because they now they will obey when you're watching but disobey once in a while and generally discriminate when to use or not use the rules.
we should have new aspie rules, such as "yes, it is nice to share and it is a good way to make friends, but giving away everything everytime to everyone will just make them think they can take advantage of you. "
sorry i've rambled on...............

i am a dad (48 yo) with four kids (11-12-15-16 yo) and we are all officially certified aspies.

I strongly agree with the comments about matching clothes, but I would take the principle further. In his book and essay Parallel Play, Tim Page talks about how he benefited from learning etiquette:

Neither of my parents is officially on the spectrum. My dad is, I think. My mom-- maybe.

Thanks for the kind comments. I work with kids who are either mainstreamed or homeschooled. I'm not an autism specialist-- I'm an English teacher who has autism. I either provide English instruction for kids who aren't getting it elsewhere but are capable of doing grade level work or I help kids who are in regular classes get their work done (and learn the stuff they're supposed to be learning, whether they get the work done or not).

I think kids on the spectrum are such individuals and their situations are so different that you can't make hard and fast rules about mainstreaming. My tendency, however, is to believe that a child who has Aspergers as opposed to Kanners autism is going to get very little out of a special education classroom. If there are good classes in socialization and organization there, then it makes sense for them to get those resources. And sometimes Aspergers kids do have deficits that create learning disabilities, so obviously a special placement can be useful there.

But what most Aspie kids need is a place to de-stress and a break from processing. The resource room is usually not a good place to get that.

Always ask about lunch groups and clubs. I think they are the best ways for Aspergers kids to develop social skills.

Absolutely dress your kid as cool as possible. "When in Rome" and all that. Also, clothing is one area where you (hopefully) have some control.
Also, rather than giving blanket statements like "be nice" and "share", I try to be more specific. "You have two cookies today, so if you want to share one, that would be nice. But they ARE your cookies, and you don't have to give them away if you don't feel like it." I try to imagine all scenarios because I know if I give blanket advice, my child will follow it in ALL situations. So I find myself saying "unless this happens" and "but only when this" etc.