Help! I'm in love with my psychiatrist...

Post Reply New Topic

My doctor and I have a pretty close relationship - I consider him a friend and mentor. With him having aspergers as well, I feel like he's one of the only ones that truly understands me. We've been through a lot and now I feel like I'm starting to really fall for him. No, it's not any of that Freudian transference nonsense. I've found him attractive and brilliant from day 1. My feelings have just been building and building. Now I can barely stand it. I'm trying to block out the thoughts. I keep telling myself that theres probably zero chance that anything would ever happen. But they keep coming back.

I have the utmost respect for him and I need him in my life (I barely have any support at all where I live) Thats why I worry that mentioning my feelings might jeopardize our relationship. It's making me really depressed and confused. What is the best way to handle this?

I'm no expert on these situations though I have spoken to a school psychiatrist that I found attractive sexually (despite her being over 50). Kinda weird and awkward for me but I think I did the right thing in keeping my mouth shut and keeping things professional.

You will have to make a choice. Mixing the professional and personal will not be healthy for either of you.

had this as well.

got unique, heart-warming vibes from her the first time she introduced herself to me.

i'm not seeing her anymore due to circumstance but i know that the feelings are still there, just dormant.

what's strange is that the only other time i've felt "in love" with a person was a friend back in high school, and it was an extremely similar feeling. not necessarily of physical attraction but the desire for an intense friendship. the affection, heart pangs, and the incessant fear that i would be abandoned were the same in both cases. i try to ask myself: "what similar element is there between this therapist and my friend?"

if you've ever felt that you've been in love before, find the similarities. what triggers the realization of a need?

He is legally not allowed to be in a relationship with you, so unless he quits his job as a psychiatrist (not likely as it's a pretty well paying job and jobs that pay well are hard to come by these times) you are out of luck.

Sorry.

i don't think that an exclusive, romantic relationship is necessary. if the feelings exist because of some kind of connection felt, a platonic relationship should be just fine. a professional relationship between shrink and client can certainly have more depth than a romantic one.

You'll need to decide if you want a personal or professional relationship with him.

Things to consider:
1. You keep your mouth shut & it stays professional
2. You keep your mouth shut & it drives you nuts
3. You get another psychiatrist & cut him out of your life
4. You tell him & he ends up having to quit his job or gets in trouble
5. You tell him & get another psychiatrist

also, depth does not mean romance because romance is not depth.

There are different ethical guidelines for different countries, but here you cannot cross the relationship boundaries while in the professional relationship or for a number of years afterwards. If you explain your feelings to your psychiatrist, he might decide that the most ethical thing to do is to find you another psychiatrist (and also not start seeing you romantically).

If the tables were turned and it was him who had feelings for you, he would either have to deal with the emotions so they did not interfere with the professional relationship, or end the relationship. I suppose the same goes the other way around (though, as the client, you are not bound by the same codes that he is).

I'd advise you to think a lot about what these feeling might really be - are they really love or perhaps just the closeness that people often feel when they share so much with someone, and understand each other? It would be a shame to jeopardise the professional relationship by doing something about this when in reality the situation is fine and you are simply feeling very emotionally connected with this person whose job it is to help and understand you.

Hope you can work it out.

I think it's not unusual and it might be part of the process.

====
From Wikipedia:

In a therapy context, transference refers to redirection of a patient's feelings for a significant person to the therapist. Transference is often manifested as an erotic attraction towards a therapist, but can be seen in many other forms such as rage, hatred, mistrust, parentification, extreme dependence, or even placing the therapist in a god-like or guru status. When Freud initially encountered transference in his therapy with patients, he felt it was an obstacle to treatment success. But what he learned was that the analysis of the transference was actually the work that needed to be done. The focus in psychodynamic psychotherapy is, in large part, the therapist and patient recognizing the transference relationship and exploring the relationship's meaning. Since the transference between patient and therapist happens on an unconscious level, psychodynamic therapists who are largely concerned with a patient's unconscious material use the transference to reveal unresolved conflicts patients have with childhood figures.
====

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference

If your therapist allows things to go to a personal level, then you're dealing with a dangerous therapist. But if you can discuss it and make it part of therapy, it can be part of healing.