The Pain of Isolation: Asperger’s and Suicide

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http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/aspergers-diary/201011/the-pain-isolation-asperger-s-and-suicide

I've felt that way' many times in my life. The last time I felt that way, was Canada Day 2009. Some girl would turn on me, and than the bad feelings would resurface. Every incident would involve a same sexed peer.

"When I would finally start for home, alone and confused, I'd see my friend and this new girl walking together blocks ahead of me, giggling, and peeking over their shoulders at me as I morosely walked behind. I was lost, and I didn't know what to do – should I try to catch up to them? Go out of my way to dodge them?

One day, as they walked home on the opposite side of the street, they stopped and called to me. Were they going to invite me to join them? The new girl came loping across the street. When she reached my side of the road, she shoved something at me, "Here." It was one of the pair of "friendship necklaces" that my friend and I had traded. As I stared down at it, the new girl bluntly continued, "We don't want you around anymore.""

Why are girls like this???

well that girl is/was a mean-spirited, unreasonably hostile, selfish b***h.

and why? well thats for the girl to explain. to us, it seems illogically cold and cruel. it could just be the standard teen bitchiness but to aspies who experience this later in life, who the hell knows.

The new girl is trying to secure her place as the new best friend? My personal experience in school has led me to believe that two's company and three's a crowd. If a clique is made up of four girls, there will be two sets of best friends. If a clique is made up for five girls, there will be two sets of best friends and one "floater"--someone who's good enough to be in the clique but who doesn't have to be there.

It's understandable. If a grown-up can't love two people equally in the exact same way, we can't expect kids to love two people equally in the exact same way.

My social NT sister had more than one friend and they all got along fine. She even gets along with the one she doesn't really like anymore.

Those last three words are going to stick with me forever.

"It got better."

That was a heavy article. I relate to it so much. I've also made a suicide attempt but then decided against it. But I do get so depressed that's what I feel like doing. It can be hard to keep going when people reject you and ridicule you and your life just feels like it's going nowhere.

It's nice to see the it gets better movement gathering a bit of steam outside of LGBT circles.

Depends on your age, I've found. Kids in my elementary school were monsters, kids in middle school were evil (with a few notable exceptions,) while kids in high school are much more accepting.

That said, this could just as easily be a product of my circumstances (private school mildly supportive of an intellectual culture.)

That was a good article too - especially with the week I've been having. Luckily I'm having a better time socializing in college and using the Internet to my advantage. I still have my difficulties with relationships and socialization but I have a plan to help me out with that.

When I was in my teens and 20s, up to about age 26, I felt desperately lonely. Looking back, I'm convinced that it was the fault of hormones and my body's development. Those ages are when most people make lifelong friends, are at their most social, start romantic dating, start having sex, etc. Aspies have the same biological drives as NTs, we just can't fill them like they can. Around age 26 is when my sex drive started going down, and I'm convinced the two milestones are linked. Now I'm not as lonely, despite being just as alone. I do have feelings of loneliness from time to time, but they pass. My age (I am 36 in about a week) is the time when NTs are settled down with one partner and are raising children. Humans are closer to our jungle primate ancestors biologically than we care to admit.

isolation is absolutely awful. I've just moved and am going through the worst depression I've ever experienced. Every day is a struggle not to cry. I'm not alone though and that makes my life bearable. I have my two spectrummy kids and they are the joy in my life. I'd be lost without them

Actually guys do the same, they just do it in a different manner. The same topic, same result, same damaging feelings.

This struck a chord with me. I even made a suicide attempt earlier this year... It's been the same thought process, "They're all correct, I'm the one that shouldn't deserve to live. I don't even want to anyways" ever since middle school. The similar ages in the article; 10 and 13. Around when I first began the thoughts.

The "Pain of Isolation", though I manage it better, is still there, so I don't quite feel remorse over what I attempted, but I'm pretty sure I'll be happy again one day. Holding onto some kind of nonsensical hope that somehow I'll make some friends.

Ugh... the worst part about Isolation being the cause for Depression is that the very thing that best treats depression - companionship - the lack of which is the very reason we have the issue. It'd be better if there was someone I could just talk to anytime who understood.

How do guys do it?

Maybe you should get involved in some type of social activity. When my parents just moved across the country when my sister and I were quite young, my father suggested to my mother that she go up to the pool (it was one of those gated communities with a pool) and she eventually agreed. She met a woman there who became her best friend.

Kind of hard to explain and to avoid generalizing... I'd say it's more anti-social and just abandoning the person "they don't want anymore", or sometimes too direct and telling the person off in the same way (as girls did, but less snobbish; just imagine guys in the same spots, different words would be said)

I don't remember too well exactly how as it's been a while since I've been rejected like that, but like I said it's the same topic: Excluding someone from a group or friendship for whatever reason. Same result: Leaving this person feeling insulted and ridiculed; same damaging feelings. It's not a girl-specific thing, but it's just different. Also, around those ages typically someone will only have one "best friend" so someone's going to be let down; this regardless of gender.

This is kind of awkward to explain. I recognize the outcome of that situation, but the situation itself not so much.

Thank you to the OP for posting this. It's a great article.

I can relate to the writer. It was difficult as a child and teen to understand unspoken social rules while I was growing up. I have had my share of upsetting and humiliating social experiences as well, and appreciate the courage it takes to write about them.