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Hello all--

I'm a new member-- was diagnosed with GAD 6 months ago, ADHD 5 years ago...and before that, OCD. It was the last diagnosis (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) that made me realize, " maybe all of these labels are pointing to something else?"

I stumbled onto a description of Asperger's about 2 months ago and haven't been able to stop researching, reading and journaling since then. I'm fairly confident that I make the criteria for an Aspie diagnosis and have an eval scheduled in two weeks. Whatever the outcome, learning about Asperger's has truly been revealing-- I had no idea there were other people like me...

Wrong Planet has been a regular and reliable destination for my research-- I figured it was about time I reached out...

Anyway, "Hello" and thanks for having me....it's sure nice to be home.

Muse Fuel

Welcome to the forums, MuseFuel!

I think I know how you feel about finding out about Asperger's; I felt much the same way when I realized there is others out there who are much like me.

I hope you will enjoy the time you spend on WP; I certainly do.

Hello MuseFuel and welcome to WrongPlanet

Shadi

Thanks Fluffy Dog-- I appreciate the greeting.

Yeah, it's interesting because I was one of those who "pretended" to be more NT than I was. From my first day of school, I was a nerd (not that there's anything wrong with that) and all throughout elementary school/middle school. When I got to H.S., I decided to turn my weirdness into comedy..so one day I started doing jumping jacks in the middle of class. Ridiculous, I know. But it got a laugh, just because it was so outrageous. I would do stuff like that and people appreciated the comic relief. I eventually got into theatre and had a lot of success with that-- traveled around the country. Did some cool gigs. Got a full scholarship to a top school...blah, blah, blah...

Anyway, I ended up leaving theatre and I haven't looked back since. I never knew why, just that I was "done" with it. I realize now, if indeed I have Asperger's, that I just got tired of "pretending"...of acting 24/7. In the last two months, I've come to realize just how little I know about myself...it's been both humbling and rewarding. And it's been nice getting back to that inner "nerd" that's been there since the beginning.

What's your story? How did you find out about Asperger's?

I was a very quiet and shy child when I was very young. In elementary school I preferred to keep to myself and I went through an intense dinosaur phase. About at that time I began to get bullied by other children. I did not understand that, much less why others where behaving like that when I had (in my opinion) done nothing to earn it.

My answer was to retreat to a fantasy world all in my head where nobody would disturb me. At times I was living more "there" than in the real world. I am more connected to what's going on around me nowaddays, but my childhood retreat has left me with a love for everything fantasy-themed and I still use my daydreams to cover eventless stretches of time like lenghty train rides or as a way to withdraw while still being physically present and to regenerate some of my mental energy.

My love for fantasy stories and dinosaur facts led me to reading huge amounts of books, some of which where definitely considered "inappropiate" by the people around me. For example I read some of Shakespeare's works in the original, English version when I had only been learning English for about five years.

From all those books I gained most of my social skills. It really helped me to observe the characters in those books and to see how they reacted in different situations. When I became a bit older I also began to consciously observe the people around me and to draw conclusions about their behaviour, so by now I am outwardly almost "normal" for most people. I made it through a six-month internship without a single classic Aspie-situation apart from the fact that I talked less than the other student working there.

As other children continued bullying me I finally figured out that they would keep on doing so, no matter what I did in reaction to their provocations. So finally I decided to just get on with my life and not to care about other peoples' opinions too much anymore. At that point I was about fifteen. I went through a really lonely phase in which I was quite busy with figuring out who I was and what I wanted.

As a bit of surprise, at the end of that phase a teacher adviced my parents to have my IQ tested. It turned out that I am gifted and that explained many things, at least for a while. I figured that most highly intelligent people appear odd to others and that my inward feelings of insecurity and sadness where just a consequence of not being accepted by most of my classmates.

Over the last few years however, I got the feeling that I don't fit in with gifted people either or at least not completely. I felt like my mind was working in a different way from the average mind. It helped to come into contact with other gifted people because many of them where struggling with similar issues as I was. By now I suspect that many of those individuals are on the spectrum as well.

I like researching all kinds of odd information on Wikipedia and in other media and I would take a look at the descriptions of various mental conditions hoping to find something that fit me. About two months ago, I stumbled upon an article on AS and the first thing I thought was "This is it!" I began to delve a bit deeper and found WP. I snooped around the site for a while and finally decided to sign up and participate. At the moment I am busy reading a book on AS that I find quite helpful for understanding why things went wrong between myself and other people so often.

I don't have an official diagnosis and at the moment I am not certain that I will get one in the future, but my ex-girlfriend who I used to shar a flat with for more than five years and who is by now sucessfully finishing her psychology studies agreed with me when I mentioned Asperger's to her. Apparently she had considered that as a possible explanation herself but discarded it because i did not seem odd enough in her eyes - but as I explained above, I think I have learned to cover up my Aspie characteristics quite well when I'm around other people.

Hope I did not go overboard with all this information. If you still want to learn more about me, just let me know. It may last about a day before I answer though, as I am living in a different timezone than most other WP members.

Last edited by FluffyDog on 19 Nov 2010, 6:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

"inner-nerd"

I love it!

Fluffy-- not too much info at all. It really helps to hear someone else's story-- especially one that is so well articulated. My apologies for taking so long to reply. It's been a bit hectic here at home (currently living with my parents). There's a lot of tension as a result of my upcoming eval (for Aspergers)....that's a story for a different post.

Your story has helped me to further realize some behaviors of my own and I can identify with so much of it-- the bullying, the deep sense that my brain isn't off but just works differently...I had the same, snap revelation when I discovered Asperger's as well..

Many thanks...J

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I have two friends who have a lot of experience with Autism and Aspie folks and they both agree, never meeting each other, that I most likely have Asperger's Syndrome.

I also did a lot of reading and searching looking for answers, since the Wikipedia article gave very little on actual symptoms and just a general overview. After finding some blogs and forums I concluded that I do have Asperger's syndrome. It was pretty hard to grasp at first since I considered most of my problems to have been the way I was raised, but coming here I realized that everything I thought was just me, most everyone else on here had either the same things, or extremely similar. It was amazingly comforting, I was no longer alone.

While I am still coming to terms with the "real me" and I do have my hard times with it, I generally find comfort that there are other people who are either going through the same things or have already gone through them and are always willing to offer up helpful advice.

Once again, welcome.

MuseFuel: No problem with having to wait for a bit. By now I am rather used to the feeling of being out of sync with most of the rest of the forum. I'm happy my story was helpful and interesting to you, but as short a time ago as three months ago I could not have articulated things as well as I can now. It's like I have been trying to piece together a jigsaw puzzle all of my life and only a short while ago I figured out what the picture looked like and that I have been trying to assemble my puzzle to form a different picture.

By now it seems logical that I would read novels to find out how to deal with other people - back then I only thougth I liked the stories those books told. It's like that with a lot of things nowaddays. I am constantly re-evaluationg aspects of my life that appeared plain obvius to me before.

One of the most important points at the moment is my parents' role in all this. I used to think they were awful parents because I always felt like they didn't really show me their love. Now I reckon I just didn't understand the way in which they were trying to do this and finally they gave up.
When I first realized it is Asperger's I was angry with my parents because I have been exhibiting so many traits of AS that it ought to have been very obvious to them what was afflicting me, but they still didn't bother to figure it out and give me some help. I was very disappointed because I had the feeling they had not properly taken care of me.
But by now I have come to understand that they have done what they could, even if they saw to treating the symptoms rather than dealing with the condition itself. Asperger's was only really accepted as a condition of its own right in 1991, at a time when I had already learned to deal with most social issues on my own. I really cannot expect them to spot something that did not even have a proper name back then, so blaming them for the way they dealt (or rather didn't deal) with my AS is just plain unfair. Once I came to see that, I felt a lot better about it and I have been able to "forgive" my parents (even though they have done nothing wrong) and the anger has left me.

At the moment I feel like I am internally restructuring myself and so far I think it has helped me improve myself, even if it is not obvious (yet) from the outside. I would wish that there were more programs for children and people with ASD here in Germany; it could spare so many people so much confusion and pain.

Hi MuseFuel and welcome to WP

Many thanks for the warm welcome, Bunneth, CockneyRebel, SteamPowerDev, Shadi2, & J0sh.......nice to meet all of you.

Bunneth, When were you diagnosed? Would like to hear a woman's story (not that I don't appreciate the men who have contributed).

Got my eval tomorrow-- am a bit nervous (to say the least).

Cheers,
Muse Fuel

You're welcome, MuseFuel. Just in case you didn't notice...

No, I am not feeling upset. Things like this happen on the Internet.

I hope your eval goes well. I can imagine something like that is rather exciting. But there's lots of people around WP who've been through this and survived, so you should still be okay afterwards.

Last edited by FluffyDog on 29 Nov 2010, 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I was diagnosed last December. I first heard about AS a couple of years ago in a newspaper and when I read the article thought "woah, that sounds like me". I did some more research and the more I found out, the more things started clicking into place. I saw my doctor to ask for a referral (it took some persuading), had to wait about half a year then saw a specialist at an autism clinic here in Cambridge. They asked me to bring my parents and husband with me to give info on my childhood and how I am now. The interview took about 4 hours, so it was quite intense, but the psychologist was very patient and at the end she diagnosed me with AS (but I was so braindead by then I had to ask my husband afterwards if I had it or not ).

Hope this helps and also that your eval goes ok

Bunneth,

Thanks for the insight it sounds very much like what I expect for tomorrow.

While I'm sure your test was probably different (I'm in Chicago/US)-- I'm curious, what sort of activites/questions did they have you perform?

BTW, don't feel badly about your "braindead"-edness...I've had to have my appointment time/location repeated back to me 3 times so far and I have yet to even be evaluated! lol

You're lucky to have such a supportive partner-- I'm wishing I had one of those right about now....

Thanks so much for taking the time to tell me your story-- I'll keep you posted,
Muse Fuel

My memory is pretty bad and to be honest the whole thing is a bit of a blur, but they had me fill out some questionnaires beforehand and asked me about my employment history and past and present friendships, along with how I feel about making friends and social interaction in general. The best advice I can give is to be as open as possible and tell them all the things that you've always felt were weird about yourself, no matter how embarrassed you may be by them; because I'm sure they probably won't seem all that strange to them

Good luck with it all!