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KaminariNoKage
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22 Nov 2012, 5:17 pm

I really do not know what to call it, but here's the general idea (if it makes sense):

I have found that I have a tendency to speak/write things which are specifically intended to be interpreted however someone wants them to be. This is worse when I write. Kind of like a giant mesh of implications. If someone wants to take something literally, it applies literally. If someone wants to take it metaphorically, it can be taken metaphorically. If someone wants to take it as sarcasm, it is sarcasm - "wrong" (for the dirty mind), then "wrong." It means whatever you want it to mean.

The problem is I am very much conscious of it, and I will talk or write this way because I do not know what people want to hear, or I know they will interpret it a certain way when it can be taken many - not because it is in a sense "true" (it will always be true to some degree - I actually do "mean" everything I say) but because it is a "fail-safe" of sorts - the "right-thing" to say for the desired outcome. So I do not know if this is just deception? Lying because it is like manipulation? Regular tact? An odd reality of language I am hypersensitive to because things CAN be interpreted who knows how many ways? An adaption I have gotten good at to compensate for my less than spectacular abilities to communicate effectively (just throw out everything and hope one is right)? A side effect as I jumble everything together? Happening because of who knows how many books I have had to analyze in my English class resulting in a wider consciousness of it? Or what...?

And is it a bad thing to do? The harder I try to clarify things for people and eliminate the possible abstract, the bigger my rant can get.



sacrip
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22 Nov 2012, 7:56 pm

Could you give an example? It's hard to give you advice when I'm not sure how the problem you describe presents itself.


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22 Nov 2012, 8:55 pm

KaminariNoKage wrote:
I really do not know what to call it, but here's the general idea (if it makes sense):

I have found that I have a tendency to speak/write things which are specifically intended to be interpreted however someone wants them to be. This is worse when I write. Kind of like a giant mesh of implications. If someone wants to take something literally, it applies literally. If someone wants to take it metaphorically, it can be taken metaphorically. If someone wants to take it as sarcasm, it is sarcasm - "wrong" (for the dirty mind), then "wrong." It means whatever you want it to mean.

The problem is I am very much conscious of it, and I will talk or write this way because I do not know what people want to hear, or I know they will interpret it a certain way when it can be taken many - not because it is in a sense "true" (it will always be true to some degree - I actually do "mean" everything I say) but because it is a "fail-safe" of sorts - the "right-thing" to say for the desired outcome. So I do not know if this is just deception? Lying because it is like manipulation? Regular tact? An odd reality of language I am hypersensitive to because things CAN be interpreted who knows how many ways? An adaption I have gotten good at to compensate for my less than spectacular abilities to communicate effectively (just throw out everything and hope one is right)? A side effect as I jumble everything together? Happening because of who knows how many books I have had to analyze in my English class resulting in a wider consciousness of it? Or what...?

And is it a bad thing to do? The harder I try to clarify things for people and eliminate the possible abstract, the bigger my rant can get.


Maybe it's an automatic defence mechanism due to years of social misunderstandings. In other words, you are expecting to be misunderstood so you deliberately say things in that way as you feel it will get misunderstood either way anyway. It matters if it bothers you, and it matters if it bothers others to the degree that it makes your socialising more problematic than it would otherwise be. Don't get hung up on analysing the why's and wherefore's, just try to realise why you started doing it, and address that which will hopefully help you change it where necessary. You sound also as if you are suffering anxiety, which will make you over-analyse everything anyway.


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KaminariNoKage
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22 Nov 2012, 10:14 pm

sacrip wrote:
Could you give an example? It's hard to give you advice when I'm not sure how the problem you describe presents itself.


An except from a first draft article I wrote about being aromantic-asexual for my school newspaper:
"It could be that because of these two aspects, the criticisms of my personality just hardened whatever heart I had. Because of it, “people do not want to be around” me, or “people like you are the reasons why relationships fail and society is going downhill” (which is funny because I have never been in one). Granted your view of yourself gets bit skewed, but I only got these comments in the past 2 years. I decided I would never date when I was 11."

Likely out of context, but it (and the rest of the article) can be taken very straight-forward literal or lighthearted satirical, both factual and yet very personal, etc.



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23 Nov 2012, 1:00 am

That kind of thing is actually rather sophisticated language use, though it's easier for NTs than it is for us, because language comes naturally to them. I think it intersects with sarcasm, hyperbole, and subtext. It's certainly not something I could manage during a conversation, though I can do it in writing. Conversations just go too fast for me.

The excerpt from your essay strikes me as something that is just on the border between something someone might really mean to say, and something that's overstated for emphasis. After all, very few people believe that their dislike for dating will bring down society, but it's just plausible enough. If you want an example of this done masterfully, read "A Modest Proposal", by Jonathan Swift. Apparently, some of his readers thought he was serious. (Some of his readers apparently hadn't got two brain cells to rub together, either...)


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KaminariNoKage
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23 Nov 2012, 2:19 am

Conversations go very fast for me too, but generally I rehearse what I say in my head about 3 times or so, or practice what I am to say in the event specific questions pop up during a future conversation so I do not have to think so much during it - which is why I am so conscious of it. I guess maybe I do it more in writing and in my head than verbally and I just started noticing it for some reason (supposedly I am a good writer, however one edit I am always getting is that my meaning is never clear).