I don't fit in anywhere!

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I'm a 25 year old "aspie" who has come to the realization that I don't fit in any clique, group, or culture. For a long time I rejected the aspie label, until I realized how well it fit me.

The problem is that I feel really left out of "normal" society. I just feel so incompetent when I speak; it seems that whenever I open my mouth something stupid comes out! Moreover, I feel left out of a lot of "geek" and aspie society! I've been involved in a lot of things that are outside the mainstream such as role-playing games, sci-fi and computers (with a lot of people that would probably qualify as aspergers) and feel almost as left out (if not moreso) with these people as I do with "normal" people.

For example, religion, spiritual values, and a quest for meaning are very important for me. I always am seeking a higher purpose in life. Whereas normal society seeks these things on a very superficial level, I have had them mocked and derided by many aspies. As much as I like things like computers and science fiction, these things do not provide me a with a sense of meaning or purpose. Yet it seems like most aspies that I know care only for those pursuits and don't think about anything spiritual.

Also, it seems that I have trouble fitting in in any social situation. When I'm with "normal" people, they talk about me behind my back. But, when I'm with aspies, I don't fit in any better, I just feel like they say everything to my face instead of behind my back. Is there a situation where I can be accepted for who I am?

Sorry about the rant, but I just had to get it off my chest!

I know some what how you feel. I actually haven't yet tried to fit into any such group or click. Sometimes I think why bother? Yeah I know you're trying to find a sense of purpose spirituly. I am a Christain and I've got a good sense of purpose from being one. Do you go to church? Just wondering and yes are not alone in this issue. Even if no one else wants to comment here just know that I did.

You're definitely not alone in that feeling. There are at least a few of us, probably a lot more. Our aspieness and other weird stuff in our wiring prevents us from fitting into NT society the way we'd like, yet a lot of the time we don't seem to quite fit in on aspie forums either. (I'm not necessarily complaining, just saying what I've observed over the past few years.) There's so much more to it than just AS though - we all have our own individual personalities, interests, values... and other wiring/comorbids seem to make a lot of difference too in who you connect well with - I'm self-diagnosed with AS, OCD, ADHD. So hang around here, keep reading and posting, and hopefully you'll make a few good friends even if you don't feel that you fit in 100% with everyone.

There is somewhere u fit it and that somewhere is here, welcome mate

Hey Magus,

What it is about being 25 and realizing you've got AS? Maybe we just grow up enough to get to know ourselves at that age.

Take a look at the Politics, Philosphy, and Religon Forum. Plenty to discuss and it's not SciFi, Video Games, and Computers. We get into some pretty lively discussions there and it's best to keep an open mind (I hope you don't get offended too easily ). I'll see you there sometime.

-Ann-

I love that frog avatar!

I remember reading somewhere that the human brain reaches maturity at the age of 25..funnily enough I was also 25 when I figured out I am an Aspie..

I guess it is possible that there are some Aspie "cliques" but that doesn't mean that you have to have a certain set of beliefs to be an Aspie. The idea that Aspies are supposed to believe or behave a certain way is a stereotype - Aspies can be very unique individuals .

Although I'm not one to push organized religion (ACK!), the Unitarian Universalists are a pretty open-minded group, and they attract all kinds of people. You might check them out, if there's a UU church near you.

Welcome to the club!

It's hardly likely that all aspies will get along harmoniously, not all NTs get along with each other either, there is a lot of diversity within various groups, we are all individuals with various personalities and interests in the end. Just because someone has aspergers doesn't mean they won't be a prat after all.

I actually find I get along best with certain NTs who are the sort who tend to be loud mouths and like to hear themselves talk, they dominate all the social stuff like conversation and I can remain mostly quiet just saying something when needed, so I'm happy. They get their audience who doesn't complain much and seems to listen so they're happy and they also have other friends so I can get plenty of my own time as well without clingy NTs wanting to do stuff all the time.

Now that I think about it my grandfather is almost certainly an aspie and my grandmother is the personality described above and they have got along fine and married for over 60 years now. I can think of a few more like this as well, just like some foods seem a bit strange to combine but taste great when they are combined.

In some ways Aspergers is nothing more than a personality type and the world has many different personality types, some of which clash and some which get along great, and some which only get on ok, at least this is my experience.

Quote: In some ways Aspergers is nothing more than a personality type and the world has many different personality types, some of which clash and some which get along great, and some which only get on ok, at least this is my experience.



That sounds like a very healthy perspective. I like it.

That rings true for me too! I've allways been very spiritual minded, and sort of a truth seeker. I don't follow religious authorities, or dogmas, but I'm very spiritual, mixed with having all these asperger traits. Though I don't think one thing automatically exludes the other.
I believe I'm a starseed (a person with a soul from other light-dimentions, or planets), perhaps this rings true for you too. I find that I relate to the atributes that are asociated with starseeds, and indigos.
Try google and see if it fits, or search under lightworkers, and/or otherkin.

I find that I can't make friends with "normal" people. All of my friends seem to have some condition: bi-polar, ADHD, emotional problems from past experiences, etc. I have wondered if it is because I am one of those people who are drawn to a volcano or hurricane, a crisis- monger. But that does not fit because their problems don't affect me much. I don't "feel their pain". I just try to give them helpful insight and accept them because they are neat people and I like them. Plus, they accept me. It works.

Not fitting in with people isn't necessarily a good thing. A few people have said they've admired me for not being so worried about being accepted.

I remember one time my drama teacher in high school said to me: 'You know one thing that separates you from others? You aren't afraid of being unlikable'. Well that wasn't really true, since I had no idea I was being unlikable, but it goes to show people will value a person who doesn't try to fit in with other people.

I didn't fit in at one school that was really mean to me.