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emmasma
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13 Dec 2010, 8:23 pm

What do you say when someone says you look nice?
I like it when people compliment me but it makes me very uncomfortable and I do not know what to say.
I just got a really good haircut and had my eyebrows waxed, and got new makeup. I look in the mirror and I look good!!
I am happy for this, but I know that all my polite coworkers will compliment this tomarrow and I am dreading it.
How do you other aspies respond when someone compliments your new haircut?



Bluefins
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13 Dec 2010, 8:28 pm

"Thanks", maybe smile.



Pandora_Box
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13 Dec 2010, 8:36 pm

I know what you're talking about. I tend to smile and say, "Thank you". Sometimes if you really want to be a flirtatious, "I feel nice, thanks," and then smile.
Even so, I say thank you and then after a few minutes I second guess their compliment. Don't do the latter, just say thank you and take the compliment as in. Don't read any more into it.



emmasma
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13 Dec 2010, 8:42 pm

thanks!
I guess that's what I do to. I just feel weird when I smile at people, because I feel like I do it wrong and make a weird face:(. I do that second guessing thing to. That or I start expaining about it even though I know they were not looking for the full history of my haircut and why I got it. I just cant seem to stop doing that.



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13 Dec 2010, 8:58 pm

I know what you mean. I still have to fight the urge to explain why people needn't compliment me. I've learned to limit myself to a simple "thank you" I still say it awkwardly, but at least mostly I keep brief and less embarrassing.


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Pandora_Box
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13 Dec 2010, 8:59 pm

emmasma wrote:
thanks!
I guess that's what I do to. I just feel weird when I smile at people, because I feel like I do it wrong and make a weird face:(. I do that second guessing thing to. That or I start expaining about it even though I know they were not looking for the full history of my haircut and why I got it. I just cant seem to stop doing that.


Me neither.

My issue with compliments.

First time I hear it, I thank them not really thinking about.

Second time [usually a few minutes afterwards], I start freaking out thinking they are creepy or suspicious, etc.



kat_ross
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13 Dec 2010, 9:28 pm

I am not usually complimented on my looks, but when I was in school it used to make me extremely uncomfortable when someone told me I did a good job on something, particularly if it was one of my parents. Weird, I know.



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13 Dec 2010, 9:50 pm

Very rarely, someone who KNOWS says something positive about something I know is good. Which is fine - though I can ruin it by saying "I know".

Compliments from someone who does NOT know - or compliments to work I know is shoddy - are troubling. And often I would rather be ignored.

BEST compliment - is when someone gets what I did and expands on or clallenges or corrects part of it.



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13 Dec 2010, 10:23 pm

my problem with compliments is that i dont like having attention drawn to me...

also i feel that the compliment may not be sincere... it may be mocking me or sarcastic....
kind of hard to tell....

but i definitely feel uncomfortable receiving compliments


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ethicsSym3k
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14 Dec 2010, 12:17 am

i also have problems of recieving compliments. for me though it's mainly my response that i hate, because i usually don't remember the proper set of words or the phrase that i'm supposed to use as a reply. even if i get it right it just feels like it came out sounding fake and that the person i'm speaking to can sense that my response was insincere.



lissy983
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14 Dec 2010, 12:58 am

Compliments make me uncomfortable and so does the expectation of the compliment. I usually just say thank you. I know i am awkward about them and kind of wish that fact alone would discourage people from making them. Sometimes i think what i feel might be guilt... like maybe i feel that i don't compliment others enough to be deserving of a complement. idk the jury is still out on that one for me.



jojobean
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14 Dec 2010, 3:24 am

I used to try to to down talk their compliment, but then I found that only makes people feel like their oppinions dont matter, so instead, I just smile and say thank you and the other person goes on their day thinking they made me happy...so I guess that works out.
You could go into detail of where you got it done or why you decided a change would be good. I have seen my mom do that when someone compliments her and it seems to go well. But dont talk them out out of it or duck your head, hold your head up high when you say thanks...it makes people see you as more confident.


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ediself
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14 Dec 2010, 3:38 am

when i was younger , i always felt the need to avoid compliments too, deflect them in some way, i usually said some part of the person complimenting me looked nice , better than me in fact :P it usually turned into a "no YOU" fight. ( friendly fight of course, but awkward)
round my 20's i started to just say "i know", people found it funny. so i experimented with it, ,looking smug and saying "is it the first time you notice i'm cute? sheesh..."stuff like that. they still laughed...
nowadays it's my base answer to compliments, but it's turning into some kind of absurd version of itself.
"nice hair!" - "yes. it's MY hair duh." very soon i will become hard to understand but i still make myself laugh....



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14 Dec 2010, 3:51 am

I would just say thanks, as Bluefins said.


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14 Dec 2010, 4:09 am

I love receiving compliments! It makes me feel good about myself. I react by smiling and saying "thank you", and maybe saying something self-depreciating so I come across as being modest.

It's criticism I have a difficult time handling, even when it's constructive.



amber_missy
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14 Dec 2010, 6:41 am

I always used to point out why they shouldn't compliment me. I used to get very defensive and point out that their hair / whatever is nicer than mine etc. I think it used to be a way of pointing out that I didn't think I was worth noticing and re-directing them to noticing something else, but also used to worry that they were being sarcastic (I really didn't believe they were geniuine).

I then realised that this wasn't helping my self-esteem (which, as you may have guessed, was a bit of a problem) and that if I had put time and effort into something that them recognising this was a genuine attempt at them letting me know that they'd noticed and that them noticing and taking the time to tell me meant that they genuinly cared a little bit about me and my happiness.

Now, if someone compliments me, I take the time to appreciate that they wanted to make my day a little bit better and that they care. I can genuinly smile at that thought and say thank you. It doesn't have to be at the compliment, but at the fact they took the time to say something.

Part of my problem accepting compliments was that I didn't think I deserved them. I didn't think I was worthy of other people's attention. But then I came to realise that everyone deserves to feel good and that includes me and you! Therefore, take the compliment with a smile in your heart and go out with your new hair-do and make-up, look good, feel good and let the world know you appreciate them noticing :)

*hugs*