Blighter wrote:
I look at myself and think, i'm honest (sometimes too honest) but in a way i'm fake and pretentious, I mean, to interact in this world I have to put a "front" a "mask" which is thoughtful, eccentric and approachable if not awkward (naturally). I tend to answer questions in different tones of voices/delivery depending on my mood and the social situation cos i'm borrowing social tact from others i've picked up. I feel like a chameleon and I try to get people to understand me but I confuse from day to the next day. As I use so many "masks" if you like I feel like this pretentious person that if I were my true self then I would be a painfully submissive, shy little boy (but i'm 24!)
I feel like everyday i'm constantly trying to shape a home personality where I can be honest but at the same time feel comfortable in my quirky self.
In the wake of the my recognition of AS I used my "powers" in the wrong way by being cold with people and withdrawn but i've learnt that you can survive, be liked if you are outward and happy even if it means making a fool of yourself once in a while!
I can relate to what you are saying about putting on an NT act in order to fit in with NTs. I'm glad that you have found some success by being outward and happy. I might try that a little more often and see how it works out. I don't know if I can manage the "happy" part, but I am going to try to be more outward.
I think that many adult aspies could benefit from social skills training to help us get past the superficial level of just trying to get by in order to fit in with NTs. We have SO much more to offer than just that superficial level of interaction. Unfortunately, social skills training for adults with AS does not seem to be available in my area.
I can imagine lots of creative ways that aspies could assist each other to learn social skills. Actually I don't even like the phrase "social skills training" because it sounds like we are lacking when in fact what we are is oppressed. Our aspie consciousness is oppressed by a social structure that has been created by and for NTs. I think it would be more helpful if aspies had a resource to learn to empower themselves in ways that could help us deal with the NT world in more authentic ways rather than just acting to get along with NTs. There are ways to learn social skills in an empowering imaginative way that would not be an attempt just to transform us into NTs. For example, Augusta Boal is a playwright who created Theatre of the Oppressed. This is a form of theatre where the audience participates with the actors to learn social skills. In this type of theatre there are actors who take part in skits that depict some form of social difficulty or conflict. In this type of theatre the audience members act as participants because they can stop the actors at anytime to intervene and suggest new responses or actions that can help to resolve the social conflict or difficulty that is being depicted on the stage.
I think that these types of theatrical exercises would be a wonderful resource for adult aspies to learn social skills and explore aspie consciousness. Unfortunately the population in my area (about 70,000) is so small that there are few adult aspies in my area, and probably even less among that particular group who would want to participate. And so, in the absence of such a group, I am using these techniques in my written work. I find that keeping a journal of difficult moments helps me to imagine ways of interacting with NTs that I would not normally realize if I had not written the moments down.
04 Aug 2006, 9:27 am
