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Jamesy
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28 Dec 2010, 2:36 pm

I think i have a few quircks and ecentricities.

is thier anything i can do to behave more normally? Are there coaching courses i could do perhaps?

also i am insecure about my height of 5'11 so i walk on tip toes quite a lot which is not cool :(



CyclopsSummers
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28 Dec 2010, 4:03 pm

I don't have the best answer for you... but I believe you shouldn't try to go for more normal behaviour in the sense of moulding yourself into what's considered 'normal' in all cases. Rather, if you truly want to do away with some of your quirks/eccentricities, you can, if you don't feel comfortable about those anymore. But don't become less quirky/eccentric simply to conform to people around you.

I got rid of some of my quirks because I perceived them as compulsive behaviour. As I have a father who suffers from obsessive compulsiveness, I didn't want to feel controlled by my own stimming for instance, so I paid attention to when I had a particular stim, and replaced it with how I had imagined I'd prefer to carry myself in that situation. In each case, it took some practice and self-control, but I 'normalised' a lot of my quirks in that way.

As for everything else, I remain a very quirky, fairly eccentric person, because I very much want to preserve my authenticity. So if I know a quirk in myself which I know isn't a bother to me, and therefore shouldn't be a bother to anyone else (if it is REALLY annoying, I'll consider changing it), I embrace it. So, please, don't do away with ALL your quirks and eccentricities. You'd end up rubbing yourself out, and the world should take you as you are.

As for your insecurities about your height, I don't know how to help you with that. I'm 5'10 in a country where the average height is about 6'2, and while I'd of liked to have been at least 5 centimeters taller, I can't say the height bothers me. Plenty of people are shorter than you and me, after all ;).

Good luck.


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wavefreak58
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28 Dec 2010, 4:09 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I think i have a few quircks and ecentricities.


Embrace your quirks and eccentricities. They are what make you unique.


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28 Dec 2010, 4:14 pm

Quirks are only bad if your self conscious about it. If your serious about being normal i suggest taking social therapy or even a mundane acting class. Or depending on your age take up basketball.


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Jamesy
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28 Dec 2010, 4:17 pm

I am 21.

Thank you wave freak for your answer. your right quircks are what make you uniqute i guess in your own way. look at jeff goldblum.......

there is always that doubitng voice in the back of your head which says "You can never change your behaviour"



ruveyn
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28 Dec 2010, 4:20 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I think i have a few quircks and ecentricities.

is thier anything i can do to behave more normally? Are there coaching courses i could do perhaps?

also i am insecure about my height of 5'11 so i walk on tip toes quite a lot which is not cool :(


Why are you insecure? I am 5' 7'' and I feel just dandy.

ruveyn



Megz
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28 Dec 2010, 4:26 pm

Hmmm, I'm trying to think of how I control some of my more irritating quirks. I don't know what to say other than sheer will power. And my mom is/was disapproving of any stimming and she always tried to get me to act appropriately and her approval is an important motivator for me. I also set up rewards and consequences for myself. Like if I'm having trouble making myself sit down and do my homework, I'll tell myself if I get up again before I finish this section, I have to wash all the dishes, but when I complete the section I can play a game or watch a video. This doesn't apply directly to what you were asking, but you can see how the principle could apply to other areas. Like for example if you wanted to work on making eye contact more often, you could make a goal of making 1 second eye contact 10 times in the next conversation, and give yourself some reward if you accomplish that, like buy yourself a movie, or candy or whatever. These are the basic principles of behavior analysis, google it.



Malisha
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28 Dec 2010, 4:29 pm

Megz wrote:
Hmmm, I'm trying to think of how I control some of my more irritating quirks. I don't know what to say other than sheer will power. And my mom is/was disapproving of any stimming and she always tried to get me to act appropriately and her approval is an important motivator for me. I also set up rewards and consequences for myself. Like if I'm having trouble making myself sit down and do my homework, I'll tell myself if I get up again before I finish this section, I have to wash all the dishes, but when I complete the section I can play a game or watch a video. This doesn't apply directly to what you were asking, but you can see how the principle could apply to other areas. Like for example if you wanted to work on making eye contact more often, you could make a goal of making 1 second eye contact 10 times in the next conversation, and give yourself some reward if you accomplish that, like buy yourself a movie, or candy or whatever. These are the basic principles of behavior analysis, google it.


I have found CBT and other reward-punishment psychological techniques to be more helpful with executive functioning than stimming behavior and quirks. Those are the things about myself that I generally embrace. Feels good, man.



MidlifeAspie
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28 Dec 2010, 4:45 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I think i have a few quircks and ecentricities.


Embrace your quirks and eccentricities. They are what make you unique.


Besides, you can't "fake normal". Not successfully and long-term. It isn't worth the stress of trying.



2ukenkerl
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28 Dec 2010, 5:05 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I think i have a few quircks and ecentricities.

is thier anything i can do to behave more normally? Are there coaching courses i could do perhaps?

also i am insecure about my height of 5'11 so i walk on tip toes quite a lot which is not cool :(


Well, you could TRY to get rid of the problems. MOST you probably have noticed, or have been told, or see in the DSM or in other posts here.

5'11" is actually ABOVE average height, believe it or not. At least in the US. I'm only 6'1". So I am only 2" larger than you are. Are there people a LOT taller than I am? YEP, OF COURSE! Are there a lot of adult men shorter than you? CERTAINLY! And many women that are taller than you are probably wearing high heels or platforms. Are there women taller than I am? Certainly. I don't think they are that common though. And yeah, there is a cluster of women that are around my height. C'est la vie.

But there IS an advantage to being so "short". I have to duck in some places, and places like planes can be problematic. YOU will have less of a problem. AND, I think taller people will tend to have more back problems. .

Frankly, unless you live, or work, in an area with a lot of people that are taller than you, I don't see why you are insecure. Women that are taller than you, because of heels, may consider different shoes, or get rid of them.



Jamesy
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28 Dec 2010, 6:16 pm

the thing is though i think potentially people can detect i have AS by the way i talk quite easily? Some other people on the spectrum can hide it i don't think i can. probably one of the reasons why most of family are disowning me at the moment because of my behaviour and symptoms of AS like lack of eye contact and slightly montone voice. my dad also said i have "no emotion" he said i was like a "shark'"and that i am an "emoitonal shell."

What people fail to realise is that even if i appear odd on the outside that is not how i feel on the inside :(

i dunno i just hope i have not got borderline personality disorder or schziophrenia as well?