Treatment or no "Treatment"? Specialist?

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Well....I found out I have aspergers about a year ago now maybe less. I say on my profile that I have on my profile that I am diagnosed....that is sort of a lie. I showed my psych aspergers, and all the proof that I had it. Including the tests on here, and posts on here- she agreed but said "Well if you have it or not what do you want from treatment"? And I didn't really know then and I don't know now. Can they really help us, when they are so far from understanding our minds? Does it take having a psych on the spectrum? Then there is the part that makes me think I am not on the spectrum though the pieces mostly fit.

I have been going to a psych who I have been able to talk to a little more than usual though the majority is through email.

I go there, but mostly I only go to get medication and talk to her is just kind of like going through the process. It is like pulling teeth because maybe I could explain to her what it's like inside my head though more likely not but either way from what I have attempted I do not feel at all understood or helped. I get stimulant drugs to help supposed add-I though they help little, mostly just give me a little more energy. Though I do get a whole lot of side effects including paranoia, digestion problems, ED, skin feels like it's dirty or something...hard to describe, my hair feels wierd- wirey, muscle aches, heart racing sometimes, (Though pulse is actually normal so it is in my head). In short I hate stimulants and taking them sucks. Diet restrictions such as no tea (best medication that I have found for me) among other things. I have been reading on the topic of dexedrine (which is what I take) and it seems the brand that I take is likely to cause horrible side effects, though I have never had name brand I would have to wager it is a million times better then what I get because this stuff is horrible. I take it maybe once a month. (Supposed to take it everyday but it is too horrible)

I have been asking her to prescribe me klonopin because of it's long duration and was hopeful that it could relieve some anxiety while I go to class. Reasoning behind this is because I did really good on a drug called buspirone which was for anxiety, got really good grades and kept up with everything but then I started getting this thundershock or tremor like feeling through my body which was very disorienting so I quit that.

She is hesitant to prescribe me this because of my drug abuse history of the depressant type (Mostly opiates+couch suppressants+muscle relaxants). Which I can understand her hesitency but I have never liked this specific type of drug for abuse (Benzodiazepine) and don't effect me much. (Mostly I wanted to stop stimming in class, have less anxiety allowing me to go to places I currently do not becuase of anxiety and was hoping I would be a little better at socializing while on klonopin- though that is alot to be asking maybe)

Anyways....this is a thought/discussion I've been having inside my head for awhile.

I had an appointment sometime this week but school has just started this week so I have been pretty focused on that. (I am good at focusing though due to my scattered speach she believes that I have focus deficits- IMO.) Didn't go to my appointment, mostly because I forgot about it but if I really cared to go to it I probably would have made it. I miss appointments even when I am not doing anything because I hate going there and the benefit is not clear.

Should I be seeking out an aspergers or autism specialist?
Should I even be going to these darn psychs....?
What do I want from treatment? What do others seek from treatment?
What kind of psych do you see? How did you find them?

Please help....I would like to come to some kind of conclusion.

The most important question is what do you want. Nobody can answer that but you. Treatment should be for problems in day to day life. If you have sensory issues that interfere, treat that. If you have communication problems, work on those. Everyone is an individual with there own mix of problems.

I agree on this big-time. What do you want? I must admit that for my own sake I did not know what I wanted. I had no idea until I found it by chance. What would you be happy with? For me it was sensory input as a definite number one. Now that I am coping with that a lot better, I must admit that other things are getting more visible. After all, we are mere humans, and we seek/crave something to complain about. It's not an accusation, it's just a statement of observation.

Well, I did have some problems in the past but I feel as if I am better able to deal with school now. But I don't want to make the mistake of thinking I can handle my work load fine and turns out I am making a mess of things and waisting all of my money going to college and then having a break down. This week, school started- I made all of my classes, got all of my homework done, haven't begun the online classes yet but plan to today/this weekend. So...looking at it right now, I am doing well coping without any help. But it's only been a week so hard to base that off, my problem is likely in melt downs and ignoring stuff bothering me. Then my brain shuts down for a day or two and takes me awhile to recover and get back to baseline and into my routines. I had a melt down in class the other night- the teacher had asked me and another person next to me whether we had written in our books as notes. I said "It's a brand new book" and the person next to me had a similar thought. Obviously I know you can use sticky notes but the teacher made a point to bring my name out and say "Well Conrad, the way to avoid writing in your book because it's a new book is to use sticky notes." Then I had a meltdown- or atleast what I consider to be one? This type of meltdown, the one I have most often is where I get angry at first, pressure goes to my eyes and my head and my head kind of goes numb. I can hardly move, what ever happened to cause the melt down repeats in my head over and over until eventually I forget it and then I have no thoughts just frozen. At this point I start drawing on a piece of paper to help calm me down, I do this for about 30 minutes. It's been a full day since then and my brain is still not up to speed, my routine has been interupted today, things probably will not return to normal until tomorrow or sunday.

Meltdowns of this sort are my biggest problem. I am not sure what would help this, if anything but going into treatment and talking about things half the times makes things worse because I am thinking about them more.

What do you guys think? If not treatment, then maybe some coping mechanisms? Or treatment?

I told my psych I don't want to take anything that I have to take everyday because in the past it has been horrible to miss days and also to get off medications+ there is the initial waiting period for something you don't know if it will even work or not. But it just so happens most all of the prescriptions you can take on a periodical basis are likely addicting ones. =/

Whatever you wish to do, you should do.