15 Jan 2011, 5:20 pm
Verdandi wrote:
I hate being misrepresented and mischaracterized, I hate inaccuracies in general, but trying to clarify them is always taken badly. But not clarifying leaves the inaccuracies in place.
This is one of those social issues I have never figured out.
This is one of those social issues I have never figured out.
Wow.
That's it spot-on, and I hate being in that situation. If anything drives me close to tears of frustration and rage, this is it.
I have no clue whatever as to why it is that simply adding further detail to correct an inaccuracy somehow makes the whole situation worse.
It doesn't matter how cautiously I approach it, or how polite I try to be about it - the resulting reaction always seems to be dismissive and sometimes, downright insulting too.
Verdandi
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Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
15 Jan 2011, 5:40 pm
Cornflake wrote:
Wow. That's it spot-on, and I hate being in that situation. If anything drives me close to tears of frustration and rage, this is it.
I have no clue whatever as to why it is that simply adding further detail to correct an inaccuracy somehow makes the whole situation worse.
It doesn't matter how cautiously I approach it, or how polite I try to be about it - the resulting reaction always seems to be dismissive and sometimes, downright insulting too.
That's it spot-on, and I hate being in that situation. If anything drives me close to tears of frustration and rage, this is it.I have no clue whatever as to why it is that simply adding further detail to correct an inaccuracy somehow makes the whole situation worse.
It doesn't matter how cautiously I approach it, or how polite I try to be about it - the resulting reaction always seems to be dismissive and sometimes, downright insulting too.
Yes, exactly.
When I tried to clarify the situation (which made things worse and my private communication was actually shared with other people), I was told that I was doing a list of things that made no sense to me, and then accused of making the situation awkward when the other person has already told me what I'm really thinking and trying to direct the conversation on that basis.
15 Jan 2011, 6:16 pm
Verdandi
Veteran
Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
15 Jan 2011, 6:33 pm
15 Jan 2011, 7:51 pm
Verdandi wrote:
Cornflake wrote:
Wow. That's it spot-on, and I hate being in that situation. If anything drives me close to tears of frustration and rage, this is it.
I have no clue whatever as to why it is that simply adding further detail to correct an inaccuracy somehow makes the whole situation worse.
It doesn't matter how cautiously I approach it, or how polite I try to be about it - the resulting reaction always seems to be dismissive and sometimes, downright insulting too.
That's it spot-on, and I hate being in that situation. If anything drives me close to tears of frustration and rage, this is it.I have no clue whatever as to why it is that simply adding further detail to correct an inaccuracy somehow makes the whole situation worse.
It doesn't matter how cautiously I approach it, or how polite I try to be about it - the resulting reaction always seems to be dismissive and sometimes, downright insulting too.
Yes, exactly.
When I tried to clarify the situation (which made things worse and my private communication was actually shared with other people), I was told that I was doing a list of things that made no sense to me, and then accused of making the situation awkward when the other person has already told me what I'm really thinking and trying to direct the conversation on that basis.
In most cases the only conclusion I can reach is that the other person has made a decision on what has already happened, and that decision is immutable.
So, any further attempts made to correct the inaccuracy (which still exists anyway) are apparently seen as an attack on, or a lecture about, this immutable decision.
I think that if the other person then claims the situation is being made awkward, that's just an expression of their problems with accepting that their decision about it may in fact be incorrect - but rather than allow you to correct things, you're just told "how they are" instead. ("how they are", of course, is based on the incorrect situation you're being prevented from correcting)
And it seems to follow on from this that subsequent conversation about the situation will be directed on their terms or not at all.
From my experiences when someone claims to know what I'm thinking about something, what I really mean - it just proves the opposite. Which, er, is why I was trying to correct the situation in the first place...
They're still wrong about the situation but won't let you tell them otherwise.
And that's about where I begin to lose it.
