Do other Aspergers have trouble letting go?

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i posted before about my situation of not being able to let go of what people had said/done to me. I know some of this is OCD, and some of it is overpersveration as part of my schizoaffective disorder, but I wondered how many other people who are Aspies have a hard time letting go - if don't have OCD or some other disorder that causes over-p;erserveration /obsessiveness.

Not so much for me... I tend to forgive or overlook too much, in fact.

Charles

I had issues with this in the past and now I have gotten a lot better now. I can let things go in a few days after it's happened.

I don't let go easily at all. I tend to hold very long grudges or at least never forget if someone says or does something bad to me. I have both AS and OCD though, and I'm not sure which one (if either) causes this.

I think with me it depends on the situation...I have a long term friendship that recently ended by my suggestion that it wasn't principled; still it's hard to let go because this person was close like family and that doesn't happen often for me.

I believe the traits you mentioned, difficulty understanding tone and the way people say things, and disturbing routine are VERY common for people with ASD. I think it's one of the most common one pretty much everyone shares.

You will learn to cope with it. It does get better. You also can't never expect people to say everything you would like to or expect to hear.

So when I broke my fire agate accidently yeah i cried. sh-t was awful, but after about two weeks i relized that i needed to be more careful when handling them. thats when i got smart, and bought a protective case full of soft impact material, (the stuff they use in air bags ok) so if I was to drop it again, BAM< no harm done!

This is the story of my life.

If it's something which hurt me emotionally then it can take weeks for the feelings and constantly thinking it over to subside, and I deliberately avoid or not speak to whoever kicked it off until they have subsided. Otherwise the original hurt just comes flooding back.
If it's a point I was trying to get across, and failed, then I'm pissed about it for a day or so and try to resist the urge to bring it up again.

But in either case, once it's gone then it's gone.

I used to have it bad but these days not so much. I mean there are some things people say that upset me, but I can let it go. Although when it comes to family the feelings last longer. I suppose if people will never say a good thing about you there's no point in being nice to them anymore.

I know I have AS (yet to be Dx) but I am not sure what (if anything) else I have.

I posted this on another AS site today (before coming here). These were the examples I gave -:

Many times Aspies here have given examples of things that people have done/said to them, and it is the motivation behind them wanting to withdraw from society and never trust people again (or at least this is their gut reaction).

I (and perhaps others) have held resentment for people that wronged me in the past and feel as though they should apologize to me, even after years.

I have often held on to thing I have said or done to others for years. Then when I build up the courage to address this matter with the person and apologize (via email, because I cannot face them in person due to the shame I feel – even if it is something that most people would have forgotten or seen as negligible) they always say that there is no need to apologize, or they had forgotten about it.

(Does anyone believe, as I do, that telling someone who says sorry that there is nothing to apologize for, somehow trivializes the apologizer’s feelings? I get the feeling that people think that saying there is nothing to apologize for, is what the apologizer wants to hear. But for me it isn’t. If I have carried something like this for 10 years, then it is very important to me.)

Or even worse – you get no reply whatsoever. (Is that an NT thing? I get the feeling that Aspies ALWAYS reply)
When I don't get replies my mind just comes up with the worse scenarios and thoughts that people must have toward me

(Some NTs would say that I was a coward if I cannot face people in person to apologize and that an apology in writing means nothing to them and is perhaps even an insult. But my fear of confrontation is the main disabler.)
What I want to hear in response to me saying sorry is, “Thank you. I accept your apology and you can consider the matter closed.” This seems to be the only way I can feel I can get closure.

I feel some kind of need to physically visit places where I used to live (especially the house I grew up in from 0-17 years) as some kind of way of putting the past into present perspective.

I often dream about being back at school or in the Army, where I speak to people and say/do things I had wished I was able to do where I was there in real life, 25 – 35 years ago.

Similarly I feel like I need to reconcile with everyone I ever knew, to apologize for how I was. As if telling them I have Asperger’s would make it all acceptable and they will understand who I am and know why I was like I was.

Just posting this brings up all the things that I know people would just keep telling me I should let go and move on. But as with ALL of the stronger thoughts and behaviors I have identified in me, I suspect that this one could be another Asperger’s trait.

If it is the case then yet another piece of the puzzle will fall into place.
All of these things contribute to reconciling my behavior and thoughts within myself.

I know it is an unhealthy kind of obsession and I know I need to be able to get over these things, but it is hard when you feel so strongly about such things.

I am still holding drudges from kindergarden

I let go and forgive eventually. However I have to careful because I can be so forgiving it can make me gullible.

Well, I don't have anything other than AS, and I find it hard to let go. If someone says/does something to/about me I remember it forever, pretty much. For example, I still remember pretty much every time the girl who bullies me has told me to "stop eavesdropping" and I remember one tme I was at one of the computers in the library for correspondence work, and her very small class came in, I heard her say "I don't want to sit by her, she's a b****" so yeah, I don't let go easily. I still hate her.

I don't let go of things easily, either. I remember every offense for better or for worse. I still think of things that happened years ago from time to time.

I had that problem in the past but it seems to be getting a lot better. I hardly ever hold grudges these days.