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ocdgirl123
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30 Jan 2011, 2:23 pm

When I am physically hurt, I don't like people being sympathetic to me. (Though I can sympathetic to them, if I don't think they are just making a scene of the pain to get attention) However, I like it when I am emotionally hurt. I am also sympathetic to others' when they are emotionally hurt. I am better with sympathy than empathy.

Anyone else? Thoughts?


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Verdandi
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30 Jan 2011, 2:37 pm

I think I habitually offer sympathy when other people are hurt, although I think sometimes I offer it to people who don't want it.

Face to face, I don't enjoy a lot of sympathy, because it starts to feel cloying and annoying and I just want to be "Okay, a moment, and now we're done." And it sometimes keeps going, and I have no idea how to continue such a conversation, nor do I want to have any idea.

Online I am more okay with sympathy and can deal with it. Unfortunately, I have not been able to distinguish to certain friends the difference between "this has upset me, I know how to deal with it, I just want to vent" and "this has upset me, but I want to talk it out," or even "this may sound like it has upset me, but it has not, and I really need to be able to talk about it with someone" as they're all taken the same way - as "I need tons of sympathy, even to the point of dismissing things I have experienced and outright telling me I didn't really experience them." Which may not be actual sympathy, or if it is, maybe I'm misunderstanding it.



Yensid
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30 Jan 2011, 2:57 pm

I love and hate sympathy. It makes me feel very uncomfortable, like I'm getting something that I don't deserve. At the same time, it feels good. It's hard for me to reconcile the two feelings.



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30 Jan 2011, 4:02 pm

I can be sympathetic to others and I can deal with getting some sympathy from others too, but up to a certain limit. If I get a lot of sympathy for something that I don't find a big deal, or if a lot of people express sympathy to me I just start feeling awkward and uncomfortable or get tired of all that attention and the repetitive questions and comments that follow (have you noticed how all of them say the exact same things?).

I usually get unnecessarily much sympathy for some things that I feel that I don't need much sympathy for, and then get very little or no sympathy for things that are a bigger deal to me and that I would appreciate a little sympathy for.

I have a hard time recognizing the difference between people being honesty sympathetic or people just being superficial or fake and pretending to be sympathetic because that's the polite thing to do. I think that's one of the things about sympathy that makes me uncomfortable sometimes.



ScottyN
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30 Jan 2011, 8:14 pm

I am much better at sympathy than empathy as well. I can be very sympathetic, when the situation requires.



Yensid
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30 Jan 2011, 8:28 pm

Amik wrote:
I usually get unnecessarily much sympathy for some things that I feel that I don't need much sympathy for, and then get very little or no sympathy for things that are a bigger deal to me and that I would appreciate a little sympathy for.


Yes, indeed. I find that physical injury gets a lot of sympathy, even if it is something fairly minor. I don't understand that at all. On the other hand, when I'm feeling slit-my-throat bad inside, nobody cares. I really don't understand how it works. People are so insensitive. And they say that Aspies have no empathy.



Titangeek
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30 Jan 2011, 9:08 pm

I am ok with sympathy if i am physically hurt, but not if i am emotionally hurt...


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Bloodheart
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30 Jan 2011, 9:13 pm

I don't like sympathy from others, and I think I'm as bad at sympathy as I am empathy...I just have zero understanding of how others feel or how I'm supposed to feel in relation to what they're feeling, I can say 'Aw' but that's about it.


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Last edited by Bloodheart on 30 Jan 2011, 10:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ocdgirl123
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30 Jan 2011, 9:30 pm

Titangeek wrote:
I am ok with sympathy if i am physically hurt, but not if i am emotionally hurt...


Are you sensitive to physically pain by any chance? I have an extremely high pain tolerance, and I think this is why I hate people being sensitive to me when I am in physical pain.


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30 Jan 2011, 9:45 pm

I thought suffering would make me sympathetic, but it has gone the other way - now I seldom find anyone I can feel truly sorry for.

But I do have empathy, because when people hurt themselves on tv - I mean live footage - I feel pain.

When I am hurt, I don't want a big fuss, but I do want people to remember and not expect stuff for a while. Respect, I think.
Not support, but just less demands for a while.


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CockneyRebel
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30 Jan 2011, 10:15 pm

When somebody that I really like passes away, I thrive on sympathy. That's the only time that I want it, though. If I receive it any other time, I see it as pity and I don't want that.


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Titangeek
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30 Jan 2011, 10:16 pm

ocdgirl123 wrote:
Titangeek wrote:
I am ok with sympathy if i am physically hurt, but not if i am emotionally hurt...


Are you sensitive to physically pain by any chance? I have an extremely high pain tolerance, and I think this is why I hate people being sensitive to me when I am in physical pain.


no, i have a normal (at least i consider it normal) pain tolerance


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30 Jan 2011, 10:19 pm

Yensid wrote:
I love and hate sympathy. It makes me feel very uncomfortable, like I'm getting something that I don't deserve. At the same time, it feels good. It's hard for me to reconcile the two feelings.


I feel like this too.

Back in my depressed high school days, I used to get upset over certain social things. I would be in my room, in bed, trying not to cry and my mom would come in and comfort me. I told her to go away. Then I felt bad when she did. I mean, bad that she didn't stay and continue comforting me.



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31 Jan 2011, 1:23 am

Depends who it is. The Inner Circle are welcome and know type and intensity of sympathy - and generally recognize my sympathy. The Many see no need for sympathy or offer wrong style, wrog intensity, and generally do not see what I put out as sympathy.



just-lou
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31 Jan 2011, 8:28 am

I hate sympathy shown toward me, probably because I interpret is as pity. Plus, in normal people, they often seem to couple displaying/communicating sympathy with touching, and I hate being touched. Touch + awkward emotion not fully understood by me is even worse.



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31 Jan 2011, 8:47 am

ocdgirl123 wrote:
When I am physically hurt, I don't like people being sympathetic to me. (Though I can sympathetic to them, if I don't think they are just making a scene of the pain to get attention) However, I like it when I am emotionally hurt. I am also sympathetic to others' when they are emotionally hurt. I am better with sympathy than empathy.

Anyone else? Thoughts?


Im the same. When Im physically hurt I will get over it, it is just a matter of time, and if people are being sympathetic to me in such a moment, I feel forced to act thankful and that is extra annoying then. Also I think it is childish in a way -> I feel silly if somebody put on a sympathy face and suffer with me when I have pain.
When Im emotionally hurt, sympathy can be helpful.