Smiling, laughing, having fun?

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"You need to smile more, laugh more, have more fun!"
I got told this at work last week, and weirdly enough, by a supervisor who hates me. I didn't think work was especially the place for having a light-hearted good time. Plus the idea hadn't even occurred to me - I was concentrating, trying to do my job correctly and since I struggle with multitasking, I can't do five things at once whilst kidding around making jokes. These days, I have to remember to smile and consciously work it out.
How does everyone else respond? Do you smile or laugh much, or do you remain kind of neutral? What exactly is "having fun" anyways? I never understand what people mean when they say that.

I think that's a rude thing to say. When people say things like that, they're not worried about you, they're worried about themselves. Your boss doesn't want you to smile and have fun so that you're happy, he wants you to smile and have fun because he's uncomfortable with someone being serious and that's his own problem. He should appreciate that you work hard...

I hate it when people say that- it's mainly my parents but a lot of people say that to me. It's hard to smile/laugh when you're focussing on what you're doing! I've tried to a few times but then lost track of what I was doing and made a mistake.

The nerve of that man. Your boss is more worried about himself than he is about you. He doesn't care about you.

I hung out with a bunch of girls at the factory that I worked at in the 90s. They told me the same thing. They were the ones who joked about sex and kept asking me if I ever had sex, or if I wanted to have a man who would buy me nice things. Two worldly things that will never interest me. On top of that, they told me that I need to laugh, smile and have more fun. They cared more about themselves and it bugged them to be around a no nonsense person.

He hates me. It's difficult for normal people to appreciate a person they hate, I imagine, though I appreciate his expertise even though I dislike him as a person and dislike the way he treats me. I still respect his ability. Plus it probably looks like I'm not working as hard as I am, because for a normal person, my level of ability would be lazy. I'm doing everything I can with my limitations, but no one at work knows about autism because if they did, I wouldn't be allowed to do this job. I'm just in the mix with a whole bunch of very high-functioning NTs. I suppose my lack of expression and my silence was just one of the things that makes me strange, so he wants to change it to make me more normal so he would be more comfortable with me.

What did you say when he said that?! I'm really sorry that he said that to you, it really is offensive. Don't let his narrow view of the world make you feel like you need to change. You know what works for you and it is not any of his business.

Is telling someone they need to smile more and laugh more and have more fun an offensive thing to say to someone else? That didn't occur to me, either. I just wondered if the lack of said response was an aspie thing or not. Characteristically, I didn't say anything when he told me that. I didn't have a response so I didn't give one. I just stared at him without expression, which was probably the wrong thing to do. Just proved him right, I suppose.

My usual thought when I hear something like that is, "Do you think I get some sort of pleasure out of being depressed?" People who say things like that are just insensitive idiots.

It is the type of thing that would also be said to me at my work. I'm very focused at work, don't talk a lot and probably seem unhappy (or at least very serious) to my workmates. I am regularly told to "calm down" as apparently I come across as intense in my attitude to my work and because I only ever talk about work.... I don't know anything else to talk about with my coworkers.

I always do my best at work and it sometimes upsets me how hard it is for me to even be there at all.

I often find my manager looking at me like he's trying to figure me out. And some things have been said to me that make me feel like I'm under a microscope, like "you talk to yourself a lot, don't you?". It makes me feel paranoid about my behaviour and withdraw into my own world even more while I'm there. I guess that's why I wouldn't be happy if my boss told me to "smile, be more happy...." I'd feel like I'm already vulnerable and pushing my limits here, let me just do my job and do what I need to to look after myself.

Sorry, I re read your last note- I don't smile a lot at work (although I'm not unhappy) and most people would judge that I am definitely not "having fun". I would think they mean have more fun as in play around (wasting time, joking, talking about non-work things) with co workers, go out for a beer with them after work, have lunch together, etc. All of these things are beyond my abilities in connecting with my coworkers. As you know in Australia, this type of thing is pretty much expected as a part of being a "good" employee.

Answering the second part, I enjoy my work, but I never have fun at work. People say I don't know how to have fun; they are probably right.

I'm told this often due to my 'flat affect'.

Oh God yes. I get told a lot to smile and act genki about stuff. Why do you have to plaster some fake crap on your face? It has nothing to do w/you, but more with the other person's image and how you might affect him/her. I don't like acting fake either.

Of course, if you are in customer service or something be polite and kind to the people you are serving. But there is no need to go around acting like you're in a Coke commercial.

So this "fun" thing sounds like it would be nice to have. How do you get to have it? Do you buy it in a bottle? Can you get it by mail order? Is it expensive? Can you download it. If so, someone please let me know where I can download it.

While you are at it, does anybody know where I can download "a clue"?

^ Hah! I wish I knew.

It's hideous, isn't it. In the first week of this job, when I was for some reason convinced that this time would be different and I'd be able to stick with this one, I went out for after-work-drinks with my coworkers, to try to fit in and be sociable. It was horrible - I was doing it out of obligation and fear I'd be ostracised if I didn't, not out of a desire to go. That culture is grotesque.

haha, I know I know

I worked so hard at my last job to "fit in" and I just can't be bothered this time. Sometimes things are said to me about why I'm always alone, but I've worked out an awesome set of routines for my breaks and during my day that help me get through ok and with as little interaction as possible.

At Christmas they made this massive deal about me not coming to the Christmas party. It was viewed that I was not a "team player" and had something against the company because I didn't want to go and get completely trashed with them..... I have enough going on in myself to worry about without worrying what they think of me. Leave me alone!

What kind of work do you do?