suicide

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I'm sorry if this post upsets anyone, but I want to talk about these thoughts I'm having, they have been bottling up inside of me and i can't take it anymore, I need to talk to someone who understands.

Right now I'm thinking about commiting suicide. I've had it with my life. All the implications of having an ASD, my dysfunctional family, the abuse,and my annoying ex gf who I cant get out of my head or my heart. All the bull**** I have to put up with.


I'm in school but I doubt I'm going to be successful in my career cause of my AS. Also I doubt I'm ever going to find a partner, nobody is willing to take me as I am, even though I am a nice guy. Plus I don't think I'll ever got over my ex as long as shes around.

I have an assignment due in school tommorw, but I have no motivation to work on it. I also have to get a uniform for my ****** part time job tommorow( dish washing), but the roads are icy. I was thinking about hanging myself off a bridge, or pulling my car into the garage and letting the car run til I suffocate.

Again I'm sorry if I upset anyone but this is how I feel.

I don't think it is a good idea to commit suicde for a couple of reasons. I think you should always wait at least ten days before making decision that cannot be taken back. This is one of those decisions. Don't do anything rash. Try to think of the good things in your life. You're a cool guy. I can tell that by reading your posts. You have a good spirit and I don't think that you would want to do anything that would be rash. At least you were able to get a girlfriend at one point. This probably means you will be able to get another girlfriend. While your first love will always be in your heart, you will be able to move on and find another friend. I know what it feels like to lose the will to live but I also know that once these feelings are gone, (and they DO go away) you will be glad that you didn't commit suicide. Please respond to this post so I don't go around worrying about you for weeks. I don't want to have to worry about that. Please take into consideration what I have said and remember that there are a lot of people who care about you. I care about you and I've only known you for a little bit of time. You will get to a point in the future where you will have someone to love as a girlfriend again. At that point in your life, you will look back and be glad that you made the right decision today.

I sometimes feel like "letting go", that I have seen and done enough already. If some catastrophe would occour and take me away, it would't bother me at all. I am lucky, I have some beautiful things in my life. But there is some things I will never have, I know. And expectations others have to me is often my worst enemy. I say to myself that I don't care, but then I have a bad day and all the negativity just sincs in. I fear that I will not complete an education. And if I do, survive in a job. I have started to have very serious doubts about that. And find a boyfriend who I don't have to act for to be loved.

I am sure that you will find somebody, one day, it may take many years, or not, but when it happens you will now that it was worth waiting. That is just one of the things that makes me go on. Some days are just so gray, and others so beatiful.



Glad you brought it up. I was thining about it one day, but unfortunately didn't have the nerve to.

jman:

I am not going to go over all the platitudes and cliches about suicide; I am speaking as someone who has been there and tried suicide. I will not go into methods, but I went to sleep one night intending to never wake up. It did not work, obviously.

What I can tell you is that since that night, I have seen a lot and done a lot, some of it pleasant, some of it downright ugly. In spite of everything that has happened, I am now glad that I did not succeed in my plan.

I do not know any more about your situation than I have read in your posts. I know that you are valuable, just because you came to WrongPlanet. Everyone here has worth and importance no matter what misguided people or some NTs might think. This entire site is a reminder that aspies have inherent value.

Please call a help line or a suicide hotline or somebody you trust right now. You do need to talk to someone about your feelings.

Write back and let me know how you are doing.

jman:

Please do not seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem(s).
You sound like a very intellgent, sensitive person who is aware of the options you have. Everything you mentioned will either pass entirely or get better as you adapt to the situations.

Call a youth suicide hotline. Seek help through social services, a teacher, a relative or neighbor, for any abuse you are suffering from at home.

Aspies may not be considered "the norm", but they are interesting, wonderful individuals who have a lot to offer. Life is more difficult for aspies at times, but stay focused. Things will ge better.

Please write back or post another note. I will be thinking about you and trying to send positive vibes your way.

thank you all for your support.

I have a problem with bouts of depression and its killing me. I see a therapist, but it doesn't always help. He says I have alot of potential but I somehow I doubt that.


I think part of my problem is that my psychiatrist took me off of one of my meds for bipolar depression.He took me off of it cause of significant weight gain, At one point I weighed 235 pounds! But it didn't really show because I'm about 6'3. When i told people I weigh 235 people look at me in shock.

Now, I don't think these thoughts are all totally due to the illness, i think some if it stems from the fact that I am "different".

Its kind of like the chicken and the egg situation, if I didn't has autism would I still be bipolar? Chances are yes, because my sister is also bipolar.

But i don't know anymore, based on reading some of your experiences, and some the statistics that are shown for people with ASDsome of things people say about having people with asds int their lives, its almost as if everything is set in stone for me, even though I've heard many times the "set in stone" theory is not always true.This kind of thinking is what makes not want to continue with life, especially if I can't get the things I want out of it.... I think to myself "Whats the point?"

Again thank you all soooo much for your support. I really appreciate it. Sorry if I scared anyone, i just get like this sometimes, and encouragement like this is what ususally helps through times like these.

Justin

It is not a good idea.

I don't think you should think about it in 10 years or whatever someone else said, I don't think you should think about it at all.

I really don't know what to say because I don't know what you've been through, or how bad your AS is, but I think there is a way to be happy.

Think of the real reason you are thinking this. I know I have before and the only reason was to make people feel bad.

I know this may sound stupid but I find listening to some songs brings me a new will to live.

try listening to "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" (from Monty Python)

I believe if you take life as a laugh you will be happier. It's very very hard to do, I haven't mastered it yet.

The main thing I do is try and make people laugh. The're probably laughing AT me, but ..meh..

Think about what you would like to do in life, places you would like to visit, and the opportiunities you may never get again, even if you get re-incarnated. You might come back as something much MUCH worse.

(that's only about my beliefs - no-one is expected to believe in re-incarnation.)

What I would like to do, is make my name go down in history, feel the snow beneith my feet and the wind in the trees, do good deeds for people and make them last. And i also want to be rich.

My post was probably useless but thanks if you've read it.

hale bop, see post above yours.

oh, sorry. That wasn't there while I was writing a reply.

It's important to be on the right medication. I've been through medication problems several times, and it does help you relax a bit if you're on the right one.

What kind of meds do you take?

Yeah Ive been there. Tried doing three times but didnt work.

I live by a simple philosophy "The only thing to live for is to see what tomorrow brings."

Everyday a new life is brought to this world. Everyday there is someone new who you may try to connect with.

I actually had started a a sort of journal for making philosophies about life and why we should live it. I also kept track of happy things. But there were two things that really helped. First I listen to my favorite songs. Also I look at things I had written when I was about three or four. I remember the days when everything was good thanks to the ignorance of a child. No pressure at all Some of my notes even make me laugh.

Also think about every bad thing that has happened. One gooal (really my only goal) is to make sure I do everything I can to make sure noone else has to suffer like I have had too. I have nephews and neices and encounter many other young children. I do the best I can to help them because I understand what its like to be let down by everyone and everything. They should never have to experience it and I do my best to make sure it doesnt happen.

Hope you feel better.

Suicide: A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I've read a really interesting statistic about suicide. It is about people who attempt it by jumping off of bridges, but survive. About 99% of those people realised two-thirds of the way down that every problem in their life was able to be changed, except one. That one problem was that they were about to plunge to their death.

I thought it was very interesting and tragic.

i dont know what to say jman. i feel the same way as you a good majority of the time. sometimes i get sad from comparing myself to other people but then i realise that although i may be alot worse than most of this society, in sub-saharan africa there are people living in abject poverty and starvation and i realise that i'm almost blessed with good fortune

Hi Justin. I have the feelign that if you were really set on doing it, you woudln't have posted here. You are looking for reasons to live. That's all I ever really wanted, during the umpteen times I wanted to die. Heck, I wanted to die for months at a time....oddly enough, what pulled me out of it (the worst time) was a pet that soemone gave me. Do you have a pet, an animal that you care about?

St. Johns wort might help with the depression. It is worth a try.

Another strategy that helped pull me out of my most recent slump was this: whenever I found myself obsessing over the guy, I would tell myself: " It doesn't matter why. Thinking about it is not helping you. Instead, I willl think about (somethign productive and upbeat, or something that I could do something about).

Also, if you are the type to listen to music that reminds you of her, stop listening to that music for a while. Play something else that doesn't depress you. If she was in your room and you see her there still, then try rearranging the furnishings and sit where she sat, so that you do not look at the empty place where she was.

Things will not get better if you end it all. It will end for you, there wll be nothing. It is just as easy to take small steps to make yourself feel better, towards personal progress. Also, do you really want to die now, before you've left a mark on the world, before you've had the chance to do much? My decision was that I would focus on my art and at least leave some painting before I went, and if I still felt that rotten, then I would consider it.

Hi jman.
I've tried killing myself. I was depressed and all. At the time I think I just thought this world isn't for me. And I made it my goal to kill myself. So I set about it and blah blah blah it didn't work and the community group I was at (for psychosis) found out and put me on pills. The pills they gave me was Fluoxetine or Prozac. I didn't feel anything for months. But about four months into the course, I felt happy and all that. Still do.
And with the whole relationship thing, it's not easy. Takes a whole lotta work on your "inner self" but as you can guess it's worth it.
By the way, posts like this:

don't really help one bit. In fact they're pretty depressing, knowwhatimean?

Tell your folks or whoever would help that you're suicidal. It's hard to do but it's a good step. Get prozac and take it for at least 6 months and you'll be able to work on your life rather than your death. Check your messages also - I've sent you a very useful link.

It may not help, but sadly it's true.