Gossip Gossip Gossip

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Instead of my usual staying in my room, I decide to go downstairs of the apartment complex to see what everyone is talking about. All it was was gossip... "this person isn't showering" and "that person has bedbugs" and other worse things. I eventually had to leave, I wonder what terrible things they say about me when I'm not around (my room is clean btw and I do shower, lol). I do socialize with mentally ill people at a center, but there is an explicit no gossip rule and I enjoy it a lot more.

I notice that "Do you like gossip?" is an aspie-quiz question, so in general what is the aspie view on gossip?

My view on gossip is that news about people that serves no purpose is not interesting to me. I don't really want to hear who's sleeping with who or whose personal habits are annoying or information that has no practical meaning to any decision I could possibly make. In contrast, information such as - I am part of other online communities, and one person who was involved in many of these same communities became extremely abusive, was lying about people, was attacking people on any pretense, and was in general doing her best to drive wedges into these communities. Talking to people about what she had done and collecting their stories about how they'd been attacked? That had a practical purpose, and was not useless gossip.

This is the distinction for me.

Admittedly, it may be that venting about people for specific reasons may be seen as gossip by other people, as well. When I vent about one person I know who has violated my trust several times in a short span of time, I don't see it as gossip, but I suspect someone who does not take such violations so seriously might interpret it as such - but I'm not sure I'd want to know such people.

I don't understand the point of gossip and have no interest to participate. I don't really care what people are saying about me, they can think whatever they want. If someone's gossiping I can pretend to listen and nod and stuff like that for about 10 minutes, after that my lack of participation is obvious and they give up. It's a bit hard to do on the phone, as they can't see me yawning so they can rant for longer. Luckily I almost never listen anyway and can read stuff online, play a quick game or draw some little pictures. I have a collection of very nice little pictures I've drawn while listening on the phone. Though I still hate the part when they ask my opinions I have to come up with something to say that's relevant.

Man I really hate wasting my time like that, but I don't have a lot of choices as they're my family. They have almost no interest in any hobbies I have yet so I can't really bring up an interesting discussion. If they ever listen to my ranting about some scientific stuff they start saying things like "you're so smart, you really should go get a job instead of wasting your time on things like those."

I don't like it.

I couldn't do it even if I wanted to. I really don't see the point of it, not because I think it's bad necessarily, but because I really don't get what people are doing. And it's boring. I suspect most people find it dull but put up with it and join in so that when they've got something really juicy others will pay attention.

I don't like gossip in general, or I guess it'd be fairer to say I don't like complaining about or speaking badly about people just for the sake of talking badly about people. It makes me think things similar to what you mentioned, i.e. "I wonder what they say about me...", especially when I don't consider the things they are talking about bad, or strange, or worth talking about.

I don't mind talking about people in a good way though, especially if I haven't seen them in a while. It's like "Oh, you've seen so-and-so, How are they doing? I haven't seen them in ages", and "Oh yah, they're doing fine. They got a new dog!" It may get a little boring, but it doesn't make me uncomfortable and it can give me new topics for small talk. For example, next time I see so-and-so I can say "Hi, how are you? I heard you got a new dog!"

The other thing I'll do sometimes is vent when people make me angry. I don't like doing this and try to keep it limited to as few people as possible (like my parents), but the purpose of the conversation is to work out my anger, not trash-talk the other person (even though trash-talking may take place) and I always feel rather ashamed afterward. Fortunately this doesn't happen often as few things make me angry.

I hope these things don't make me hypocritical, as I don't like hypocrites either!

PS. I caught Bed Bugs over New Year's and I've told everyone I know. It's the most exciting thing that’s happened to me for months!

I admit I'm guilty of gossping but it's mostly about my old hick neighbors back in Ohio.

FYI: The definition of Gossip in the American Heritage dictionary is 1) Trivial rumor of a personal nature, 2) One who habitually engages in such talk, 3) Casual, chatty talk.

Just in case anyone was wondering.

Honestly, I love gossip. I'm awful like that, and have made strong attempts in the last year to curb my behavior. I dislike the bitchiness I embody when I gossip, and it took a long time for me to accept that it's really not okay. I don't think it has much to do with my possible Asperger's at all, but rather my being gay and being involved in the gay community. That's generalizing, I know, but thems some shady queens! No, seriously, I just find that the LGBT community does have its own subculture and gossip seems to be prevalent to me.

I don't mind gossip but on New Years I was bothered by what I heard about someone I knew. My husband's old boss is married to this person and we stopped by at his work to show him our new baby and he was talking about her to my husband and I was at the back of his office nursing and I he said the awful truth about her. Now my thoughts will never be the same about this person and I wouldn't ever want her in my apartment and felt glad she didn't come to my baby shower. I wouldn't be surprised if they divorce.

I was bothered because I had to hear the awful truth about her and before this truth, I thought she was an okay person because she seemed nice. My husband told me he needed someone to talk to about his issues with his wife and to let it out and it's not to be repeated to anyone or to her because it's private information and it's for him to sort out.

I am guilty of gossip myself. Anything that pisses me off or bothers me, I talk about it to my friends or family. But it pisses me off when people act like it's a crime to talk about it because it involves another person in a bad way. Okay I see lot of gossip on here, coming on here and bitching about a person or our family is gossiping because after all we are talking about them behind their backs. Everyone gossips. To not gossip is to never talk about your problems you are having with someone else such as your partner or friends or family or in laws or about your own child or student. Not even ask for advice either because you are saying bad things about them right?

This is why I always found this whole gossip thing stupid. Mom has tried to point out examples to me she see on TV that is gossip to help me understand it but to me it's all the same and I can't see where the line is drawn for when it's okay to gossip and when it's not. Only line I can see drawn is if you are making up s**t about a person. Now that's wrong.

I think the reason why people say gossip is wrong is because when you talk about someone, it can change peoples views about this person and make them not trust this person because they heard the awful truth about them so now they want to stay clear of them so they won't ever be their victims. Because look what happened with me about my husband's old boss's wife. Because I had to hear this about her, my thoughts changed and now I wouldn't feel comfortable with her in my apartment. But to me I view it as if you don't want your reputation ruined, don't do bad things, how hard is that? Same as if you don't want to be badly talked about. If I decided to scam someone, damn well I better not get upset about if I find out that person has been telling other people about me scamming him or her. I deserved that gossip about me.

I see gossip as irrelevant details about another person, or revealing confidential information for the sake of talking about someone. Or in general, turning someone into the object, rather than the subject, of a conversation behind their backs.

To me, venting about another person because they have pissed you off is not gossip, but it can become gossip if the person or people you vent to spread it around, especially if they alter it or misremember it, or make it relevant outside of the original context (which is almost always the case).

You don't have to do anything wrong to be the subject of gossip though. And I think part of the feeling of "wrongness" is because you are talking behind the person's back instead of to their face. If someone has an issue with me, I'd find it much more productive for them to say it to my face because I'm probably not even aware of whatever they have a problem with.

Personally, unless I am close to someone, I could care less about the details of their lives, so I find it annoying. A hundred times so when it's celebrities. I just. Don't. Care.

Seiblue: I have found this to be true as well, and it's part of the reason why I don't fit in with the gay community.

Gossip is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

I find it to be pointless, boring and childish. All I think when someone is gossiping is "don't you have something better to do with your time than talk about what other people are doing? You must have a really dull life." (I know, that was harsh--sorry.)

I only discuss other people with people they are close to/who care about them, usually if we are both worried about them (ex: I will talk with my bf about his brother if it looks like he [the brother] is upset about something or having some kind of problem). Usually, if not always, my bf is already feeling the same way (they're twins, so that's not all that surprising). I call that concern, not gossip (hope I'm right ).

I find gossip mind numbingly boring, and it does always occur to me that they must tell others things about me.
The point of gossip is sometimes to build a type of closeness, and most people will spill what they know once the other starts talking about someone (reciprocity).

Here in KY it is the worst I have every seen. I grew up in MI, and good friends didn't gossip about each other to lesser friends, if that makes sense. Here, someone can carry on about how so and so is like a sister to them, best friends for 20 years, then bam, they get you alone and they make snarky remarks about this best friend to you, a stranger.

Last place I lived there were women (labeled "the ladies that lurk" by another woman) who sat outside and stared at all the comings and going. Now, they wouldn't call the police if they saw someone assaulted or saw a drug deal (they might make someone mad at them), but they would run their mouths. I quit a job in a huff after I got grabbed one too many times, was unemployed, yada yada, was selling stuff off on ebay that I needed to get rid of, these women staring, finally one day, they send one over, the "nice" one to ask about the job, the this the that. I was fairly polite, but...
Live by the sword, die by the sword, knowing they all like to yak, when I saw another, less nosy neighbor is the laundry I told her,
"If I ever get to the point where all I want to do is watch other people all day and gossip, I hope someone puts a bullet in my brain."

Sure enough, the ladies that lurk made a point of NOT watching me as I came and went.

Many like to start the gossip as a sort of overture to getting closer, sharing dirt or opinions about others as some kind of bonding thing, more proof to me though that there are many stupid people in the world.

I don't care about gossip that much, myself.