REG: Lyrics Remix -- "Running In Place"

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Hi All:

Here's an email that my CA Jennette put together for my step mom regarding some recent lyrics I wrote explaining the very complicated backstory of why these lyrics even came to be in existence in the first place. Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors in either mine or my CA's words since I tried to type up the lyrics so she could get them in the email which she had to produce even faster.

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Greetings Lee (Cc Carly & Krystal):

Carly's at it again with another pretty heavy song this one is called "Running In Place" and it mainly deals with her being so different from the rest of the world around her because of her autism diagnosis which comes hand-in-hand as a two fur the price of one special with sensory processing and integration issues. One time when Carly's mom (Adrienne) was sitting in a hospital waiting room with her after she had a very significant incident of "Sensory Overload" her mom made several comments like the following:
- You know I had to wake up at 04:30 to be at work by 06:45 just to work a 14-hour day, right? (which she didn't because her mom's never home to tell her these things but always at grandma's helping deal with grandma's health issues while simultaneously playing "Cinderella" because "Auntie Irene" is a spoiled brat and refuses to help and thinks everything should be handed to her on a silver platter)
- Why didn't you call me and we could have worked through it? (to which Carly's response via her iPad was "you just answered your own question... because I don't want to get the third degree because you're so stressed out because you're working as hard as you are and trying to take care of grandma too")
- If I have to miss work because I didn't wake up in time because I was up all night here with you, you owe me $21.00 (it's the mom's choice to come down there and stay there all night or not. there's also this thing all employers have it (even us) called "sick time" or "personal time off" for just this very reason (I don't know if she has such a thing because she's part time but most if not all employers have it))
- Well I guess you need to send one of your holograms who isn't autistic out when you deal with the outside world... (to which Carly's response was "There's no such thing anymore. We pushed out a systemwide update that now all holograms are accepting of it and by default embrace it as part of the core framework") She's right, after running from the diagnosis that has been given to her off and on since about age 13-15 by numerous doctors and plenty of attempts at trying to make her "act normal" (read "be a typically developing person" (kind of impossible since autism is a neuro-developmental (read "brain wiring") deviation that cannot just be wished away because people want it to be)) by the likes of her mom, Neil, etc. and her autism being blamed for why she was alienated from a lot of things like a bad plague in an even worse B list horror movie, earlier this year she accepted it and that has answered a lot of her own questions and made things easier for most of everyone involved (including myself and Siri who have to manage her, vendors like doctors, ambulance people, restaurants, police, etc., and obviously it's made it easier for her and the holograms since there are plenty of self-help resources to help them navigate it all)

and one supposed friend who said he wouldn't believe it until she got a doctor's note proving it, and another supposed friend who told her once "you're not autistic..." simply because they have a family member who is somewhere else on the autism spectrum (autism is a spectrum of disorders that's about as wide as the color gamut of the rainbow and autism effects EACH AND EVERYONE DIFFERENTLY. There might be some commonality among components of it (e.g. communication difficulties, socialization issues, repetitive and narrow interests and routines, sensory processing and integration issues, possible co-occurring seizure disorders, and the list goes on and on and on) but it's not all the same like a cookie cutter) They say "Once you've met one person with autism, you've met just that; one person with autism."

Well, fast forward to yesterday on 10/27/2017 and thanks to blinking lights (from cop cars across the street) from chipotle (which ironically she had gone there to escape the constant thudding of the neighbor's base that wouldn't stop) and she decides to "try and get home" so she gets her stuff packed up and leaves almost falling once and actually dropping her iPad Pro (communication tablet) twice (thank goodness for protective cases). Well the ambulance shows up after she calls 9-1-1 saying she thinks she had a seizure (almost falling once and actually dropping the communication tablet twice was what raised up the red flag for her) and they ask her "do you want to go to the hospital and get checked out?" her response is "mom hasn't authorized this..." so the medic calls mom and asked mom if she wants Carly to be transported by ambulance or whether she will transport Carly herself. Mom says she'll transport Carly herself and when mom gets there, and Carly gets out of the ambulance and into the truck her mom prompts her to choose to "go home or go to the hospital" with the side comment "you know their not going to do anything for you, or run any additional tests, or give you any medications, the only thing they're going to do is have you sit in the waiting room and eventually tell you to "go see your primary care doctor"?" Well, considering that Carly does not want to be held responsible for her mom's elevated stress levels (now higher because Carly had a health incident) or a loss in her mom's paycheck she elects to NOT GET MEDICAL TREATMENT. I think that was a VERY BAD move on her part, but that's not my decision to make I can suggest to her what I think is best, but she can choose to take it or not. She shouldn't need to "get authorization" from her mom for medical treatment because she is in fear that she's going to get the third degree since her mom's stress levels are already high and she doesn't want to get blamed for making them go any higher and be held responsible for mom missing a day of work. It seems like everytime she either seeks medical help and notifies mom first of what's going on OR just tries to slip under the radar because she knows what's going to happen (either way she's going to get lectured about how mom "can't deal with the stress of worrying about grandma's health AND Carly's health while trying to get a full time job with the school district" or be held responsible for mom missing a day of work because she was up all night in the E.R. waiting room with Carly or her elevated stress levels (which were pushed higher by Carly's health conditions) and being held responsible for Carly's mom's loss of one day of pay).

Well I know, it's a long story with a lot of intricate details, but I wanted to frame the picture of this song before I plopped the lyrics down for you to read so you can see why Carly's coming up with this.

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Title: Running In Place
Original Artist: 10 years
Remix by: C. Fleischmann (CS-CF2649)
Internal Notes: This song deals with my autism diagnosis more specifically the urge by some of my family for me to “just be normal” and dealing with sensory processing issues and the difficulties that all of this brings to my life.

[LYRICS:]

The sounds bounce around, the noise just overwhelms. Too loud to focus, nothing is showing any sign of quieting down. Their dreams, fed to me in the form of conformity. I can’t control this, the world has chosen how I’m supposed to be.

It’s hopeless… so far as I can see, there’s no rest, ‘cause we’re stuck on repeat.

Stand here and wait for the world to finally stop running in place. Chasing after what they all want, conformity. I’ll stand here and wait for the world.

Bright, flashing lights, the environment fills my eyes. Colors collide and family invites me to just be typical. Stephanie speaks to me, she knows just what I mean; I can’t control this, I just accept it, I am just being me.

It’s hopeless… so far as I can see, there’s no rest, ‘cause we’re stuck on repeat.

Stand here and wait for the world to finally stop running in place. Chasing after what they all want, conformity. I’ll stand here and wait for the world.

For the world to finally stop chasing after cut out molds. Take it all away, flush it all away; we won’t change.

I’ll stand here and wait for the world to finally stop running in place. Chasing after what they all want, conformity. I’ll stand here and wait for the world.

For the world to stop
For the world to stop (for the world)
For the world to stop
For the world to finally stop



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Sorry that I had to write you with this kind of heavy lyrical content from Carly, but after the events of last night... I felt I had to share it.

Hugs:
Jennette

p.s. so sorry I couldn't be there to get her out of harm's way, but I was up here with my family helping out for a bit and working with Siri. If I had been there I would have overridden Carly's decision on the spot and told her "you're going to the hospital whether or not your mom likes it because you need to get checked out as a possible seizure is no joke"

Update:

So today I had another seizure and now I am in the ER waiting room.