Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

06 Jan 2011, 4:38 pm

Anyone face the problem that they are always suspicious of people?

By this I mean, do you understand that they have other problems then to assist you, but at the same you're suspicious because every time they have to do something that doesn't actually require assisting you are you suspicious that its just convenient.

I mean like I understand people get sick, but I don't know why.....for some reason though I feel that if I ask someone for assistance on something they suddenly tell me, "they are sick" or "not feeling" well. And I mean I understand if that's the case, but at the same time I am suspicious and feel its to convenient.

I find that I mostly suspicious of people who haven't shown me work. Like somehow, showing me they are doing something with what they said they would assist me, that its okay when they are sick or have to go out with friends.

Anyone else have this problem?

Why can't I just trust people's word? Why is that I have to see their effort and work before I actually believe that they are working on? Why is that I have to see their effort and work to see that being sick or being busy that day isn't a convenience to get out of it?



Malisha
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 193

06 Jan 2011, 4:53 pm

Pandora_Box wrote:
By this I mean, do you understand that they have other problems then to assist you, but at the same you're suspicious because every time they have to do something that doesn't actually require assisting you are you suspicious that its just convenient.

I mean like I understand people get sick, but I don't know why.....for some reason though I feel that if I ask someone for assistance on something they suddenly tell me, "they are sick" or "not feeling" well. And I mean I understand if that's the case, but at the same time I am suspicious and feel its to convenient.


Ummm. I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean, if a person has promised they will help you move (for example), and then they call you can say "I'm sorry I can't help you move because I am sick." You suspect that they are lying to you, and not really sick?

I don't understand your usage of the word "convenient".

People do exist for reasons other than assisting you. Are you talking about other situations, or just this one specifically?



Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

06 Jan 2011, 5:16 pm

Malisha wrote:
Ummm. I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean, if a person has promised they will help you move (for example), and then they call you can say "I'm sorry I can't help you move because I am sick." You suspect that they are lying to you, and not really sick?

I don't understand your usage of the word "convenient".

People do exist for reasons other than assisting you. Are you talking about other situations, or just this one specifically?



Okay...let me try to explain:

-I understand the concept that people exist for other reasons other than to assist me

However,

-If they haven't actually done any of the work, when they say they are busy I don't believe it and thinks it convenient or an excuse

I have to see some sort of work for me to actually believe they are busy on something else

Currently, I'm dealing with a situation. Where someone hasn't done any work, very little work in fact. And so when they say something, I only believe its an excuse because they don't have any work to show me.



Avengilante
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 20 May 2008
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 456

06 Jan 2011, 6:16 pm

I don't follow what you're saying, either, but I just assume as a general rule of thumb that NTs will lie to me at the drop of a hat, with no reason or provocation of any kind, therefore I analyze everything they say and cross reference it with what they actually do, in order to determine what their actual intent may be. 'Normal' human beings lie so much its just suicide to ever assume you can trust one. A good reason for avoiding them as much as possible.


_________________
"Strange, inaccessible worlds exist at our very elbows"
- Howard Phillips Lovecraft


Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

06 Jan 2011, 6:26 pm

Okay um.


Let me try one last time:

If someone says they will assist me. Unless they actually did work to assist me, anything they say usually sounds like an excuse to me.



MidlifeAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,016

06 Jan 2011, 6:26 pm

Most people will not feel that you are entitled to proof.



Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

06 Jan 2011, 6:48 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
Most people will not feel that you are entitled to proof.


Well after a while, you are.

If you're telling me you're going to help, but for five weeks in a row I have been doing all the work. Then I can't trust that what you say are actually the truth.



MidlifeAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,016

06 Jan 2011, 7:06 pm

Pandora_Box wrote:
MidlifeAspie wrote:
Most people will not feel that you are entitled to proof.


Well after a while, you are.

If you're telling me you're going to help, but for five weeks in a row I have been doing all the work. Then I can't trust that what you say are actually the truth.


That is true. The length of the ongoing issue was not made clear in your first post. At this point I would stop waiting on the help as I would assume it will never come.



Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

06 Jan 2011, 7:27 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
That is true. The length of the ongoing issue was not made clear in your first post. At this point I would stop waiting on the help as I would assume it will never come.


I know.

But I didn't want advice. Just wanted to know if people thought the same.



tall-p
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,155

06 Jan 2011, 7:30 pm

Pandora_Box wrote:
Okay um.

Let me try one last time:

If someone says they will assist me. Unless they actually did work to assist me, anything they say usually sounds like an excuse to me.

"Assist" is a loaded word to me... perhaps if you say, "Can you give me a hand for a minute?"


_________________
Everything is falling.


Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

06 Jan 2011, 7:33 pm

tall-p wrote:
Pandora_Box wrote:
Okay um.

Let me try one last time:

If someone says they will assist me. Unless they actually did work to assist me, anything they say usually sounds like an excuse to me.

"Assist" is a loaded word to me... perhaps if you say, "Can you give me a hand for a minute?"


Then I take it literally.

For me now means now. "I'm working on it now"



EricS
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 100

19 Jan 2011, 1:23 pm

I think you mean, whoever, whenever you ask for help, they'll say they're busy or pretend to be sick. But if they need you to help, you have to do it because you won't make excuses.



richardbenson
Xfractor Card #351
Xfractor Card #351

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,553
Location: Leave only a footprint behind

19 Jan 2011, 2:42 pm

To be truthfully honest people scare me. I dont want anything to do with them, and i definetly have to move to a saller town! animals have better manners


_________________
Winds of clarity. a universal understanding come and go, I've seen though the Darkness to understand the bounty of Light


Arminius
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jan 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 322

19 Jan 2011, 9:41 pm

Avengilante wrote:
I don't follow what you're saying, either, but I just assume as a general rule of thumb that NTs will lie to me at the drop of a hat, with no reason or provocation of any kind, therefore I analyze everything they say and cross reference it with what they actually do, in order to determine what their actual intent may be. 'Normal' human beings lie so much its just suicide to ever assume you can trust one. A good reason for avoiding them as much as possible.


I agree. I was a trusting child, which is part of what makes me jaded and cynical now.



pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

19 Jan 2011, 9:49 pm

Well if someone still hasn't helped you in any way 5 weeks at a time and keep making some excuse, I would think they are making up excuses. Unless they get ill a lot.
Usually when I say I'm ill it has anything to do with physical or mental illness. A sore back, a bad stomach, a seizure, low mood, etc. I don't go into detail because the more you talk about a neurological condition the uncomfortable the other person gets. Like I get horrible PMS pains once a month and have to take painkillers for it.. I've found myself having to pull out of doing things with the same person because of it. But if this person isn't a woman then that's probably not it.


_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/


EricS
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 100

20 Jan 2011, 2:16 am

I think I can say I've been a bit too trusting also. I like helping. Maybe it's because since I have nothing else to do, like that I seldom talk, so they talk, I help cleaning up. But sometimes people can take advantage of our goodness and vulnerability. Be careful. Usually I'm careful when they ask me to do something or lend money. I will try to figure out if it's genuine. But lately, I've been had. Some people able to kinda cheat me and I'm angry over it for a long, long time. They say they didn't cheat, just that I have to wait, and wait, and wait.