Telling someone that you think their aspie??

Post Reply New Topic

I sorta have a friend who I think is undiagnosed aspie. I think he's undiagnosis cause hes low income and he probably dosent have the money to get a diagnosis. Im not sure if he knows about Aspergers. Its fairly evident that he is on the spectrum. I've suspected this for a really long time and Ive really wanted to tell him. He more of a distant friend tho, so I thought bringing this up would be inappropriete. Ive known for a long time and Ive suspected his aspieness from the start. In the end I want to help him out.

I realize Im no psych so Im not 100% sure, but as sure as me being a non medical person can be. I just see the way he communicates. I realize communication difficulties is not all of what Aspergers consists of. Im very sure hes somewhere on the spectrum at the very least. The thing, he sticks out amongst the other students. A lot people think hes a weirdo. I try to be his friend, I try to talk to him. I occationally make plans with him. When I have, Ive told other people, they were surprised that I would. Even my friend who does seem to accept him and has invited him on a few group outtings was surprised that I went with him to Chinatown once. It was fine with me. Just in general, I see how he sticks out and I see how many people think hes weird. I dont completely see him as weird as many NTs might see him.

For me, getting my diagnosis helped a lot to make me realize where many of my difficulties stemmed from. I just think even if he doesnt get a diagnosis, knowing about Aspergers will help him.

If you are not a professional diagnostician you should not be offering your judgement unsolicited.

ruveyn

I intended to tell him that I think he has aspergers not I know he has aspergers. Im clearly no professional so yes I could be wrong. I just wanted him to be aware of this possiblity.

I've read horror stories from WP members who said this type of thing to their friends in the past. They've lost friends over that one mistake. AS could be mistaken by many people as something worse than what it is.

I have a co-worker who is absolutely an Aspie. He never goes out socially, he reads tons of books and own 3 computers which he tinkers with non-stop, he walks and talks in an AS way, he goes on and on about himself and his interests and doesn't seem to realize I am BORED to death! He also has had a GF for many years but doesn't wanna live with her cuz he wouldn't be able to have his own room anymore to read and be on his computers whenever he likes.

I'd love to ask him "Hey, are you an Aspie?" But he probably has no idea. We both have taught a boy at our school with autism. It was apparent to me the moment this boy walked in the door. but my co-worker taught him for a whole year and only thought he had ADHD!

So I guess it is better in this case not to say anything. Though I don't think it's wrong to bring up with someone you know well. There's nothing negative about being an Aspie.

Hi! I'm new to the community but if you don't care I'd like to offer and opinion..I told a close friend of mine he had the big A. He refused to accept It even though he acknowledges his "differentness" as he puts it. He's afraid if he's labeled he'll be negated. (Btw We aren't good buddies anymore) I didn't think that he'd run like the wind when faced with reality so I say you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. I think you should do what's best for the person in need. Positive change sometimes means you have to be cruel to be kind. I'd drop the bomb! It doesn't sound like you can keep this secret forever and maybe you're the only person who is willing to take a chance on being honest with him for a very long time. IMHO This person is suffering and needs your help.

Unless your friend specifically asks you for help, (And no, percieved "cries for help" don't count) then you should just do what you've been doing.

Trying to include him on outings and befriending him is the best thing anyone can do. If it's what he wants, of course.

A good friend told me he thought I was on the autism spectrum. I'm glad he did. So it's not necessarily a bad thing to do. I realize that my situation is different from the one you're talking about, because the friend who told me was a close friend, and you're not a close friend of the guy you're talking about.

If four different women I have dated, none of which have ever met each other, and all of which have some experience with ASD, had not each separately told me I was likely Asperger's, I would probably never have thought of it. In my opinion, a true friend will always put honesty ahead of feelings, but you could bring it up not by saying I think you have Asperger's, but saying that you yourself have it and talking to them about it. Let them recognise it for themselves.

I mentioned it as a possiblilty to a friend who I'm convinced is more Aspie than I am, but he didn't seem interested, so I quickly dropped the idea. Though I do occasionally remark that what he's just done seems a typical autistic trait. When I told him of my own DX, he said that he didn't think there's anything in it, whatever that means. Since then I've explained a few things that suggest AS gives me some very real problems, but I don't know what he makes of it. He never complains of bad experiences of the Aspie kind, so I have little choice but to assume he's content seeing himself as NT, though judging by my own observations and those of others, he's anything but neurotypical.

I often feel tempted to tell another friend of mine that she seems to have a lot of strong Aspie traits, but so far the mood has somehow never felt right for me to do that. She's had a lot of stick from people who know her, but lately claims to be doing better. I think the best thing is for me to say nothing unless she comes back with more tales of social failure. Cockney Rebel is probably right about the risk of wrecking perfectly good friendships, and I don't know this lady as well as I know the guy (he never seems to get upset), so while she's not obviously broke, I'd best not try to fix her.

Then there's my wife, who scored as a mixture of AS and NT traits in the Aspie-Quiz. There are certain disturbing features of our relationship that suggest she's either autistic or extremely insensitive, so it's probably important that she looks at the AS theory seriously, but she doesn't seem to want to see herself that way. I've done no harm mentioning it, but like with the guy I mentioned, it was like talking to a brick wall. Weird thing is, she once diagnosed herself as dyslexic, I told her I believed her and offered support, but she hasn't mentioned it since, and AFAIK she hasn't tried to get any help for it.

Start with "I wonder...." Not with "I think...."

If you bother to bring it up at all.

It can, as other users have already suggested, be risky. The thing is, you likely know your friend better than anyone here. At least you should know how you can best approach your friend.

Just use your best judgment, and if your friend seems uninterested, or even shows the slightest signs of offense, DROP IT.