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gez
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28 Jan 2011, 1:42 pm

My boyfriend is an aspie and I am NT.

Im writing to find out whether others with AS have difficulty when they meet up with their friends an time keeping. On numerous occasions with AS boyfriend will go and meet a friend or something promising me to be back at a certain time but he end up coming back hours later and he will have forgotten to text or tell me but says he is upset he has let me down?

I'm really confused? Is he telling the truth or is he just treating me badly?

Any insight would be really helpful.



Mack27
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28 Jan 2011, 2:13 pm

I'm always late for everything and I always feel bad. I'll get distracted and focused on something and lose all track of time. I've been trying to combat this with my smartphone and Google Calendar, but it only works when I remember to put stuff in the calendar.



gez
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28 Jan 2011, 2:44 pm

if this is an aspie issue does anyone have good recommendations on how to overcome the issue?



mesona
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28 Jan 2011, 3:20 pm

one. Buy him a watch that goes off every 30 minutes or so to remind him of the time.
Two. When he is late by more then 5-10 minutes call/text him something like a random picture(something funny) or a harmless question if you dont want to hurt his feelings so he will remember he has plans.
three. Set his cell to go off 30minutes before said plans with you.

I used to be so bad at keeping time I did the watch thing. Now like clockwork(hahaha) I look at the time every 30 minutes even if I have no plans.


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Last edited by mesona on 28 Jan 2011, 3:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

wavefreak58
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28 Jan 2011, 3:24 pm

I'm just the opposite. I HATE being late to things. It really irritates me when others are late.

You might compromise. If he really has a hard time remembering, then a reminder from you before the appointed time could be helpful. Two problems that have to be finessed are you not becoming his baby sitter/time cop - he needs to show some effort - and you not appearing to badger him. Just agree that that if he doesn't text or call you by a certain time, you will try to contact him.


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theWanderer
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28 Jan 2011, 4:25 pm

Yes, this is a real issue, not just an excuse.

You could try the suggestions above - but you might have to experiment. If I get into a hyper-focused mode, it will take a lot more than a watch going off to get my attention. I've sat still so long I had to drag myself up by my arms, because I didn't even notice my legs were cramping.


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Nerdykid
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28 Jan 2011, 4:53 pm

I don't know about other people but I have an amazing nack for being on time and usually extremely early. I don't like people being mad at me for being late so I just make sure I am not. Boss's Dream now if I could fix the stuff he doesn't likehaha.



Nerdykid
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28 Jan 2011, 4:54 pm

Also I set my clocks 5 minutes ahead to help with being late



Yensid
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28 Jan 2011, 5:27 pm

If he has a smartphone, you can set up a shared calendar, with alarms.

I find that a regular schedule really helps me. You can try meeting him at the same time every week, even if it is not the most convenient time.



IrishRunner
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28 Jan 2011, 5:32 pm

Gez, I'm NT and boyfriend is AS(at least appears to be in every sense) and is ALWAYS late! It's so frustrating, but reading the comments, it's a common issue with AS people, although someone said they like to be on time.
I struggle with this problem constantly with BF, I've decided there's no hope for his changing :x



wavefreak58
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28 Jan 2011, 7:13 pm

IrishRunner wrote:
although someone said they like to be on time


For me, being on time is about structuring my environment. It's more about not liking unexpected things. It's a sign of rigid thinking not necessarily politeness.


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