Can people with AS socialize well with other Aspies?

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If you have AS and hang out with other Aspies IN PERSON, do you struggle with the same social awkwardness that you experience with NTs?
Yes 57%  57%  [ 27 ]
No 43%  43%  [ 20 ]
Total votes : 47

LadyAspie
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26 Jan 2011, 9:49 pm

I tend to not be able to keep friends for long; but since learning so much about aspergers, I've wondered if I would be able to socialize IN PERSON comfortably with other AS people? Like, would the usual social awkwardness no longer be present if we were hanging out with people who struggle with the same stuff?

Does anyone have experience hanging out with other Aspies? I'd love to know.



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26 Jan 2011, 10:10 pm

Tends to be easier. Of course, you've been deprived of a normal chance to learn to interact and so have they. But yeah, it's easier.


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anbuend
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26 Jan 2011, 10:12 pm

Okay, I voted no. Not because it never happens but because there's the possibility for it not to happen. Also I'm technically not an aspie (other sorts of autistic people do come here, which is why I use the generic term autistic to mean all of us). Anyway.

So it can happen. But sometimes it doesn't. And when it doesn't it can be absolutely wonderful.

Usually when it's not awkward one of a couple things is going on:

1. You're socializing with someone of your particular subtype (of which there seem to be dozens if not hundreds if using subtype to mean people with a similar experience of the world).

2. You're with someone of a compatible subtype.

Compatibility covers a whole spectrum from total incompatibility to total compatibility. Most people you meet will be in the middle unless you have one of the most common subtypes in that particular community. O have one of the less common one's. But when I meet someone compatible it's amazing. I was maybe 6 to 8 years involved in the community before I found someone very very like me but before that I met several who were still far more like me than most nonautistic people are, so I didn't have to wait all that time.


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26 Jan 2011, 10:17 pm

I have friends and family who are Aspies. I get on quite OK with them, and don't have to worry about the social small talk. We always discuss Aspie-type subjects. And they understand my sound sensitivity better than NTs do, I reckon.



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26 Jan 2011, 10:22 pm

My best friend of about 10 years is an Aspie and I'm now beginning to suspect that I might be too. (I only heard of its existence last month.)

I can tell you that I find it a lot easier to be around her than most anyone else. She and I share a lot of common interests. The most interesting thing about the friendship I've noticed, though, is that we can go weeks or even months without speaking to one another. But when we see each other again, it's like we were never apart and we haven't missed a beat.

When we're together, we talk about our interests, funny things we've noticed about life, and whatever else suits our interests. We rarely if ever talk about anything emotional or anything too serious. We don't talk of relationships. We don't talk about our problems. We never gossip. These things just never come up as a topic of conversation. There's no pretense. We mean what we say and there's no reason to fake who we are. (Mind you, I can only speak for myself, but I believe the feeling to be mutual.) We're also both a little socially clueless, but since we're both on about the same level, it doesn't matter.

We also coexist very well. For example, she might be on her computer and I might be on mine...there might be long bouts of silence, but it's never awkward. We also have no problem going out and doing things together, but by that same notion, we have no problem just staying at home.

With anyone else, they might be uncomfortable in this kind of environment. But it never gets that way with us.

So yeah, I'd say our friendship is different than most NT friendships. I think it's a very good one, though, and I'm really thankful that I've met someone like her.

As for other Aspies... I believe my cousin is probably on the spectrum. She had some difficulties when she was born and, for a long time, she would only be able to communicate with animal noises and body language (Non-verbal learning disorder, perhaps). She's now graduating with a physics degree. Needless to say, she and I get along very well and coexist well too.

While I can only speak for myself, I'm pretty sure I get along best with people who aren't what the world would call "normal". These are the folks I typically seek out (consciously or not) when I need some companionship. :D



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26 Jan 2011, 10:24 pm

I've done it, so yeah.


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26 Jan 2011, 11:50 pm

Quote:
you have AS and hang out with other Aspies IN PERSON, do you struggle with the same social awkwardness that you experience with NTs?


No, I struggle with different social awkwardness. Exactly what is awkward depends on the characteristics of the Aspie in question.



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26 Jan 2011, 11:52 pm

Never met another Aspie so I really couldn't tell you...



aliensyndrome
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26 Jan 2011, 11:53 pm

I didnt like the only aspie I know and I've been a lot nicer to them since I found out and it turns out we like at least some of the same bands that most people do not listen to.



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26 Jan 2011, 11:53 pm

In person, it's always been easier for me communicating/holding a conversation with NTs. There's one aspie I got along really well with, but usually it's very awkward.


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27 Jan 2011, 12:19 am

The one other aspie that I've known was easy for me to talk to.


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27 Jan 2011, 12:22 am

I've only interacted with a few people who turned out to be diagnosed with AS later (or whom I suspect might be - I had one friend who loved to repeat things he'd heard on television and was fixated on TV talk shows in atypical ways), and got along okay with them. Generally much better than anyone else in my age group (which would have been at the time hardly ever).

I recall getting along really well with a nonverbal autistic child, to the point that his parents found it unusual that he interacted with me. Apparently, they'd never seen him react to anyone else like that. I didn't know what to make of it at the time, and knew very little about autism.



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27 Jan 2011, 12:44 am

I voted "yes". Two awkward people don't cancel each other out, in my experience.



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27 Jan 2011, 1:03 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFt2aZvg3qE[/youtube]


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27 Jan 2011, 1:09 am

I haven't yet socialized comfortably with aspies. I'm uncomfortable but more comfortable than with other people, I think. I mean it's more ok to be uncomfortable it seems. I don't talk much there and I stopped talking once because I couldn't think when they were asking me questions and they moved on. So far, I still don't really talk unless others address me but that's kind how I often am. I partly want to be more social but in some ways I don't. But in a way I do. I'd like to find a guy friend I'm compatible with.
I think I'd prefer doing something or, playing a game I understand, and not talking much but maybe adding some words here and there. When they're having conversations I don't really have anything to say for the most part. and I don't know what to say.
I really like a couple of the mediators though because they've been nice to me even though I don't talk much.



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27 Jan 2011, 3:12 am

Helixstein wrote:
video


That's actually quite funny.

Is this laughing?
:lol: