Family conflict - aspergers ?

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o.k i'm new to WP so please help me! I have something I am wanting to ask of people. Have you ever come accross a mother who is in constant conflict with her grown up kids? im just the daughter in law but the mother of her grandchildren who are on the spectrum one with aspergers and another with autism. This woman has had conflict with everyone and her hubby backs her she is currently not talking to us the last four yrs because of a communication issue that got out of hand. if anyone answers her back, they are aggressive, have a problem etc. she has panic and anxiety issues, has had aggraphobia many sensory issues, repetitive speech, and inability to empathise and most of all total denial. My poor hubby is basically left out in the cold and has no family, they never even acknowledged the autism in our kids because i think it may be too close to the bone. i dont think she should not see the grandkids she was mad about at one stage but i dont know how to make it right. Thanks

Maybe you can speak to the husband. However, different people have different levels of self awareness.

In my experience, people with AS tend to know they are odd and have social short comings, while those with HFA tend to more frequently be unaware of their differences unless they have been pointed out to them at a young age.

This might be something along the lines of ASD, but there is also other possible reasons. For example, some people start to show symptoms of dementia as early as in their fifties and dementia also makes it more difficult to admit that one was wrong or to express emotions or to accept criticism of any kind. My own grandmother acted much in this way (though less severely than your mother-in-law, popsie) and before we found out it was dementia we thought she was just becoming a difficult, bellingerent old woman. In many couples where one partner developes dementia, the other partner subconsciously starts to help out and to mask things towards outsiders which may manifest itself in an aggressive kind of defense.

I'm not saying that your mother-in-law has dementia, but depending on her age and family history that might be as much of an explanation of her behaviour as ASD would.

Not dementia, going on all her life. Other stuff anyway. Husband great but dealing with it too long and it's too difficult now he's happy to leave it as it is really.

Unhappy families is good for the economy