Online communication and socialising.

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I know a lot of us can communicate and socialise better online, but what sort of problems do you all have with online communication such as via IM, forums, email, social networking sites, etc.? Am I normal, or at least normal for an aspie?

A few years back I could make friends and chat on ICQ, I gained friends via people becoming friends of my blog, but it's not the same now, some blame can be put on my 5 year writers block and Facebook killing all forms of communication...but some of it I swear is me reverting a little.

I struggle on forums - my ex once blocked me from all forums as I kept making myself so ill freaking out about ignorant replies, other than this page I don't use forums, but I still use the likes of Yahoo! Answer's and Livejournal communities - I can't read people's replies to me, if I get an email alert about a reply I don't read it, I can't even have it in my inbox sometimes it's mere presence bothers me, hell sometimes I'll avoid my inbox all together.

I struggle using any sort of IM, PM or email, I don't talk to people via MSN and block most people I know so they don't talk to me - you know what it's like running into someone you know on the street, that unplanned conversation, it feels like that when people try to talk to me via IM. Via email the communication is less speedy so you can take time to plan your response, but it's still too personal a way of communicating with someone, there's pressure to be able to keep up the conversation.

On Facebook I post updates, delete, repost update worded slightly differently, delete, repost, have someone comment on my update, delete rather than replying. I do this here too, I'll post something and have to read it, re-read it, edit it, read it again, wish I could delete it, edit again, and so on - I don't edit too much, don't worry I'm not going to totally change the subject of this post to make you all look foolish - it gets tiring.

I worry that I put too much information, not that I worry about people stalking me, more judgements about me and my various eccentricities are all the more easy when I have everything spilling out online in multiple places, I worry about being pathetic or sharing too much information, crossing a line by providing just that little bit too much information about something that may make people feel uncomfortable around me.

I babble....a LOT - Consider this an apology for past and future posts; I'm sorry I babble.
I sometimes go off on a tangent that lengthens my posts or replies, but a lot of it is me trying to get the full information on the page, I can spend ages writing and rewriting replies and posts, no matter how hard I try they are always so long, I have no idea how people can sometimes write such short replies to people. It must annoy other people, and for me it's no good because people are less likely to read long posts, I just can't condense all the information I want to get across.

Online used to be great, it was my way of being social, helping others, and communicating ideas/opinions, but now it feels just as scary as the real world - is it normal for social anxiety to translate to online to this degree?

the only issue i can think of for me, other than a lousy browser and having to type one-handed with a controller, is my attention 'issues'. i strongly suspect adhd. i sometimes miss or forget things, or get ahead of myself when typing and miss out words. other than that my communication problems are the same as offline, finding it difficult to initiate conversation, ask questions and maintain.. unless someone is questioning me, i love questions. especially specific ones and if i 'know' the answer.
fudo

I shall try to remember your love of questions Fudo

You know, currently I'm trying to talk to you here, via PM and via email. lol, you're not helping!

hehe sowy, i'm terribly impatient sometimes.. always gotta do something.
i'm 'rocking out' & talking to someone else too.. with one hand, tho not for a 'bad' reason. ocd, kinda complicated and dull to explain. but if you ask i can't not answer honestly.
kk shutting up now

If I'm stressed out my typing ability is significantly reduced and I can't even type or spell properly and I switch words around.

I offend people a lot.

I can be very verbose but in forum posts I have time to edit a lot and avoid this.

I get anxiety if I get a message from somebody I don't know or somebody who rarely messages me.

I sometimes feel antisocial even when it comes to being messaged. For awhile, I communicated strictly with e-mail and quit all messenger programs. Now I use them again, but my list is considerably smaller than it used to be. I hate any problem where it shows my status as "online", so I usually set myself as invisible or away and only message people with whom I have something to talk about. I hate those conversations that end after "Good, you?" or "Nothing much, you?"

As for being easier... I dunno, I like talking online because it's like writing. You don't have to see someone's face. You can get your point across without being interrupted. You don't have to worry about the tone of your voice. You can also communicate with people from the safety of your own home. There are many bonuses.

As for negatives... well, distance is an annoyance at best. There are times when it'd be great to have the people I know in a location where I could actually physically interact with them. There are some things that are difficult to experience online. And I find also that I start feeling lonely if I cut myself off from the world too much. Hate to admit it, but it's true. But, that said, it doesn't take much social interaction for me to meet my "daily quota" and feel satisfied.

And... I'm rambling now. Good night. Hope I somewhat addressed the topic.

I had issues similar to what you describe, mostly after certain negative incidents. I am a writer - I have never had a truly long episode of writer's block; I think I'd go crazy if I did. So it wasn't as intense for me, but I would get sick just opening up my inbox for a while after I was ganged up on for standing up for an unpopular viewpoint on certain sites. (The time I was called a "McCarthyite" for suggesting that advocating eugenics in any form ought to be against the ethics of the profession I was a member of at the time, for example. That one really ripped me up.) And after one of my works was scraped for use in a splog I have never really been able to post any of my work online, just shallow posts.

We're all individuals, so based on my experience, I'd say you sound normal for an aspie. My traits are just the right ones to carry me through such a situation; I could easily have been caught in the same place you are, if I hadn't learned to be so hard to silence. That was how I survived; even when I wanted to hide, I forced myself to pop back up and take shots at the other guy...

I struggle with online communication. I'm often quick on and off FB incase I end up unexpectedly in a conversation with somebody I'd promised to visit and haven't yet. Email is the best way to get me online. As for forums, well they seem to be my new version of 'special interests'. First it was Mansun then Muse, Amber D, Radiohead, SABRE, now WP. I've never really been truly active on more than one forum simultaneously. I suppose forums are really meant for 'questions and answers' support on a topic and not socialising. But I kind of see this as a place as a bit more meaninginful and somewhere to one day actually make some friends in on the spectrum. And like the OP, I agonise over my own posts. this one will probably see a couple of edits for grammar

Forums, e-mail, and blogs are where I communicate best. Instant messaging with one other person is generally pretty good. Instant messaging with multiple people is somewhat better than socializing in real life. In real life I am easily distracted into multiple digressions and can end up never saying what I need to say unless I've rehearsed it beforehand.

The nice thing about forums and blogs and e-mail is I can let something sit until I've been able to process it and reply.

I dislike chat windows that pop up on Facebook unless its someone I know really well. They are too close to normal real-time conversation, will I be able to think of a good response in time?????

I feel sad thinking that even chat is a bit hard for me but I was okay doing it when it was my now-husband. I even have normal
conversations in real life with him now

I know exactly what you mean.

Precisely.

I love any written form of communication that doesn't need an instant reply. As long as I have the time and the capacity to edit what I want to say, I can take pretty much as long as I like to hone my words. My wife says that she in love with me because of the letters I used to send her, and she still maintains that I'm "deadly" with the written word, in that respect.

I avoid instant messaging and chat-room style technology - there's just not enough time for me to avoid making myself look stupid/arrogant/bad-tempered/uninterested. Real life theoretically has even more pitfalls for an Aspie, but as long as the company feels more or less OK, there's something about them actually being there (instead of on the other end of a message machine) that enables me......possibly I've got a few body language scripts that make people feel at ease, or maybe I pick up some of their cues.

Biggest issue for me....making sure how I communicate online is not mis-interpreted.

There's also the "30 inch e-penis" phenomenon (people acting tougher online than they really are in life). Got to be careful not to say stuff online you'd be ashamed or afraid to back up if you met other people in real life. Easy to be super brave behind a keyboard.

Yes, though the Web village would still tend to weed out the cowards in the end, I think. Interpersonal skills that are still bad even with the advantage of time to think (and maybe to contrive) are still going to go down badly. And maybe sometimes it's good to be in an environment where you can't see the other's physical appearance and "social hierarchy clues," but just a point in cyberspace that speaks occasionally. Those who talk a lot about how rich/popular/talented/beautiful they are won't often be particularly believed, though I agree such an individual could affect the naive for a while, until the truth finally gets its boots on.

Online is almost as intense for me as in person. I can't do real-time, chat -IM, without getting anxious. I intently read thread after thread, too nervous to ever start a thread. I am terrified of people. I never understand why people are mean to each other on forums, or for that sake in person. I am very aware of tone, over sensitive to tone and easily frustrated. Lots of times I want to say something about it but then I'd probably have a tone too. It is hard to disagree and not have one but I'm mortified when I offend someone because it hurts me soooo much when someone snaps at me. Life is hard and confusing for me. I come here to feel some connection, read thread after thread of entries of things I live with every day. I just read 7 pages about wearing clothes over and over. I've never met anyone with my clothes issues. There is a great amount of comfort for me here, issues with food-light-sound-touch-hats-without all the confusion of the extra closeness of the next level looming. I guess in other words I am more relaxed without the other social issues being present.