Anyone else becoming more withdrawn with age?

Post Reply New Topic

I never was one to always be out amongst the crowd, but I did used to go to parties or to public places such as bookstores, music stores, etc without being extremely nervous about it. But now at 26 I find it hard to even go to the grocery store without feeling like I'm going to have a panic attack. I don't know what it is but it just seems the older I get, the more reclusive I get. I even try taking Xanax before I go out and sometimes I think its only making it worse. Its embarressing when I go to give the cashier my debit card or show my ID and my hands are shaking so badly. I've had some female friends at work practically begging me to go hang out with them at a bar or whatever and I just freak out when I even think of something as social as a bar or a club. I used to go on dates, now it scares the hell out of me. WTF?

I don't know if it has anything to do with moving from California to Kentucky. I've lived here for only 4 years. I think maybe in California people are too absorbed in themselves or their work to really notice you? And here in Kentucky it just feels like I have 1000 eyes on me all the time. People here are more inclined to stop and talk to you. The dreaded "small" talk. And everyone you walk by looks you in the eye and says hello. In Cali it was almost customary to NOT look at the person you walked past.

I'm still trying to figure out if this is either an Aspie thing, a culture shock thing, or a mix of both. Agoraphobia does run in my family so it could be that too? Anyone else have this problem?

While I can't say for sure, I experienced this exact same thing when moving from the Northeast to the Southeast. So, I think it is a combination of being an Aspie, and culture shock. I find that my perception of people here, is that they are always staring. But having lived down here for 8 years, I slowly came to realize that often they are simply wondering why I am not acknowledging their presence. People here seem very extroverted and social, and that put a real strain on shopping expeditions and such. Take heart, though. I finally got used to it, and learned to mentally prepare myself before leaving the house. And, if I don't feel up to being bombarded with social cues, I wear my sunshades and listen to my walkman. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. It takes way more time for some Aspies to become acclimatized than other people.

Need to withdraw less.

Get away with withdrawing more

Clear on withdrawing more.

I'm not sure it came with age, exactly. For me it came after I had a few burnouts over a two-year period. I went from having an active social life to being reclusive in a short period of time, and while I did move twice in that period, both moves were still in the same metropolitan area (not quite the same city, but the same transit system I'd used most of my life, that I had memorized a large number of routes for).

The same thing seems to be happening with me. I used to be fairly social, going to bars or to see live music, but as I get older I feel less able to handle those situations. It seems like my ability to "fake it" and act NT has diminished.

I wonder if earlier on we were just desensitized to the socialization from being in high school and college where it's constant.

I have heard about differences in the south where people are more likely to be friendly and talk to you. Where I live it's definitely the norm to not acknowledge people walking toward you on the street. There's not a lot of small talk and people tend to look at each other with wariness. Lots of jerks here, its pretty nice.

Yeah I these past few years I know I've become more and more reclusive.

I used to think I was getting better, mostly because I was employed for a long period, and forced to socialize. After being laid off I realized that outside of work I was becoming more reclusive. At 26 years old, I get panicky doing something as simple as going to a grocery store, or answering the phone.

I become less social as I fall out of practice. I can work back into a social mindset with enough time and effort but as I get older I find these things less important and therefore do not emphasize them.

I more withdrawn than ever. So far in fact that I think it's irreversable

I think a very big part of it is that the United States is becoming more withdrawn socially. With texting and e-mail as the preferred means of communication, informal contact is now the norm, even for formal relationships. This takes its toll on society. It probably hurts us more, because we don't have the social skills needed to overcome that. Aspies in the past had an easier time than we did, and that's only going to get worse as America as a nation becomes more spread out. There are many other aspects to this, but this is one that most people probably wouldn't point out.

Socializing via e-mail has always been significantly easier for me than socializing face to face. I know I'm not alone in this - coming across others talking about this was one of the many things that convinced me to look into whether I was autistic.

This was the whole point of the opposition to "communication shutdown day."

I think you are right. When I was young the closest thing to online communication was pen pals and I would have never considered it because of my handwriting. Social skills can be learned to the extent that you get to practice them. I had plenty of social practice before electronic technology became the center of life. In college when computer technology was in it's youth, I remember a sign in the Computer lab that said "Don't forget about people".

I worked in a Bowling Center around hundreds of people and became accommodated pretty well after a few years. The thought of working in a office scared the hell out of me. It seemed like a trap. Back in those days people seemed much more relaxed and more human if there is such a thing. When I worked at the, Bowling Center, I had a sense of community and connectedness and knew when I went to the grocery store, etc. in my small town I would come into contact with many I was acquainted with.

There are many people in the world that have a sense of commmunity that extends to a sense of nation. The only time I felt like I was part of my neighborhood was after a hurricane and people actually came out of the house and talked to each other. The only time I sensed a feeling nation was in school when we said the pledge of allegiance and after 9-11.

I think in some ways electronic technology is a trap that can suck the human right out of a person. It can enable us to be connected, but it can also enable us to withdraw physically from others.

This is quite true! I have been noticing people out and about, riding on bikes and talking on cellphones, bus drivers chatting on cell phones while they should be driving, cashiers answering a call while waiting on a customer. If I were NT, I would be very annoyed at these people not making eye contact or exchanging pleasantries whilst waiting on me in a store. As an Aspie, I am only mildly annoyed, especially since it is a relief not to be forced into casual interactions. But I still think it is rude under certain circumstances.

It's not unusual. As you get older, the people that you know get more involved with their families, more set in their ways, less interested in socializing and in making new friends.

Yes, I am a lot less willing to put myself out there and make an effort like I used to. It used to seem like it worked for a while, but you always end up back in the same position and the friendships and relationships dissolved. Being social is a lot of work and often requires blind courage. I wonder if intelligence and experience might make it easier now instead of relying on perseverance.

I'm becoming more withdrawn with unemployment - I'm starting to find myself digging my nails into my palms when I'm coming home from visiting the shops across the road, this is new for me - I'd like to think this is not something getting worse with age, I'm already having a mini-semi-mid-life crisis as it is without having to worry about this with age, lol.