How do you feel day to day?

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How do you generally feel day to day? Aside from meltdowns/shutdowns, do you generally feel, peaceful / ok?

I feel like I'm always fighting just to get by. I find it hard to define- It's not anxiety, tiredness.... It is these things, but its closer to feeling unsettled and like everything is too much. Pretty much all the time, no matter what I'm doing. I've always felt this way.

Is this just what AS is like in daily existence?

I'm not sure "peaceful" is in my vocabulary.

My days are a constant back-and-forth with the world trying to stay afloat in a sea where I have a dinghy and everyone else has a sailboat. And everyone keeps trying to call my dinghy a yacht, making it hard to get people to understand, much less help.

Depressed would be the best word to use at the moment.

It does not help that I have to keep going for medicals for my disability benefits. I did one in march and because it was late due to a backlog I have to go for another in June. Today I had to sit through a work related interview type thing to discuss future possibilities for when I am ready to return to work. Ok fair enough. I asked about working from home but they would prefer me to take the direction of curing my social problems etc so I can return to normal employment (ie doing things like actually working with people all day).

Someone please shoot me! (PN not literally as I don't think being shot would be very nice).

OK I am presently diagnosed with Social Anxiety and not officially diagnosed with an ASD but all the same...

I am 35 years old. I have had these problems all of my life. I have tried medications, therapy, alternative therapies, meditation and standing on my head whilst wearing a pink tutu (well not yet, but I have tried everything else so I may as well try that as well!...)

Yes I am now being sarcastic but please excuse me whilst I laugh hysterically at the notion of "being cured"

Ha ha.

My apologies for my mini rant there, but you did ask how I feel day to day and I feel like that pretty much every day at the moment!

Last edited by bumble on 19 Apr 2011, 6:40 am, edited 2 times in total.

Hi Alexi

That sounds a lot like most of my days. I find some bright spots here and there but mostly I feel like I am just struggling all the time. I'm new to the boards here and have only known about AS for a few months. Finding out there are others with similar issues has been a recent source of solace for me. Maybe there is some hope out there somewhere and I just haven't found it yet.

I can really relate to what you say about tired though. I'm more tired each day and it's harder and harder to suck it up and put one foot in front of the other, go out into the world and fight through it all.

Days where I find peacefulness are few and far between, but there have been some along the way.

Franma

The sun comes up. The sun goes down
Some days I smile. Some days I frown
The question isn't what I feel
But rather "Is the feeling real?"

Mostly tired. Cynical too, and fed up with people BSing, making promises they don't intend to or can't keep. Mostly though, tired. There's this wonderful phrase from the Fellowship of the Ring where Bilbo Baggins describes it: "I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread." that I think explains it in a wonderfully picturesque way. The idea of being relaxed and energetic enough not to feel like that when awake is almost weird in a sense... except...

The best moments are the ones where you're waking up in bed, and, it doesn't always happen, but you know that feeling where you're just relaxed and not all that sleepy but just feel good, warm and comfortable because the world hasn't entered into your consciousness yet? There's just you and the feeling of softness, and it's not even all of you, it's like the you without any of the society parts, any of the parts that have to talk to people or go to work or school, without the parts that get things wrong or make people angry. And sometimes if you're really really lucky that feeling stretches on for a long time while you're just laying there, but once it's gone. It's gone until at least the next time you sleep - probably longer.

I feel..................... DESPERATE and DISAPPOINTED at myself, I would reach out to the world but it denies to stretch his hand. Place and time pass by me faster than I can contemplate my life. I feel as if it does not matter how much I try, people are always going to end up being disappointed at me for the fact that I am not like they expect me to be, so in a sense I also feel as if i have given up. I am TIRED of trying to fit in. There is just one HOPE, I understand religion is a delicate issue for many but is the only place where I can find peace and acceptance at a spiritual level although sometimes I also feel ABANDONED by the human church community. I am finally at peace after 21 years of looking for answers religion offered me support through the Bible and Jesus Christ. I am Catholic, although I found myself in the non-denominational Christian Church. What causes us to be overwhelmed is the fact that we all work harder to fit in and conform to society. Most of the times we have to do it more times than normal people as we are constantly trying new social little details to fit in but disappointment about ourselves gets us tired about the fact that some people around us do not appreciate our efforts to fit in and trying to understand their world. since we try more things we can be rejected in many times that we did not even know were possible and we end up exhausting our resources and strength. Thus we feel as if the whole world is falling upon us since every option we could possibly try ends up rejecting us. It took me 21 years to find a place in this world even if it is not within this world itself. I hope everyone finds a place of acceptance. Something that I noticed kept me from trying something new and keep going in life was the fact that I always loose hope easily. HOPE should always remain within us.

I feel disgusted,fearful that something bad is going to happen-frustrated that people treat me like an afterthought all the time-that people do not listen and just ignore me,I still want to know what in the world I did to the whole of humanity to be treated like this.Think about how lonely I am and that loneliness isn't all its cracked up to be and not being able to meet people-I do like my alone times sure I do but not all the time-I feel tired trying to put on the act for NT people but I have cut back on that-its too exhausting.

Generally I feel peaceful and happy. Part of it is because I'm on medication that works for me, and part of it is because my current life circumstances are very favorable. Things weren't always this way, however.

I feel that way too, but I think of it as more related to anxiety than AS, though the AS may be the source of the anxiety. I feel that every day is a struggle just to get through the day, and this is true even though I have virtually no obligations. I feel out of place, unsettled and anxious most of the time. It's a difficult feeling because it doesn't ever abate. I don't know if this is how you feel, but your words struck a chord with me.

I'm mostly neutral.

How do I feel most days?

Depressed. Unhappy. Tired. Overwhelmed (by the responsibility of trying to be a "good" father and husband, which is very very difficult for me). Frustrated that I've never reached my "potential", whatever that is. Simmering rage below the surface at school bullies, a rage I can't seem to let go of. Lonely, yet wanting more time alone than a family of 6 in a 1200 sqft house can afford.

I suck at describing my feelings, so the above is necessarily an incomplete list.

feel fuzzy, lacking in clarity, like i am looking at reality through a microscope that can only see tiny parts of it at one time, with much effort required to refocus on something else. any mental effort makes me very drowsy. if i want to fall asleep, all i have to do is a crossword puzzle or acrostic. if you made me examine a financial spreadsheet or prospectus, my conk would ram into the middle of it with a loud thud, thus the phrase "conked out" would apply here.

I feel at peace with myself, which is something that I couldn't even say two years ago, today. I like the 60s again. That's a sign that I'm at peace with myself and I don't have to prove anything to anybody like intelligence or toughness - the two things that got me in trouble. Remember Sid? Remember Austin Powers? I don't feel the need to hide behind those masks anymore. I feel that I can get through anything just being myself, without the bells and whistles. The horn-rimmed glasses or spiked hair. I've also found that a lot of people in my area have either stopped taunting me, or they're respecting me more, saying "Hi" to me. In other words, life is a breeze now because people know what I'm really like.

I'm content with an ever-present touch of anxiety, and frequent amusement.

Amused by endless irony, I see irony in everything, I see funny things in big questions and laugh at daily things that no one else would find funny, it's bizzare.
I'm happy and sad, very elated, hyper and lazy, really tired but really wired

I'm bizzare