Finding hope and help- a question

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Hey folks,

Well, let me tell you a bit about myself. I am 28 and trying to go through university (which I am taking a leave of absence from and will likely have to step away from). For most of my life I have felt out of place, unlike the others, and have struggled socially and in group environments. Heck, I don't know if independent living is possible for me at this point.

I lived in some sort of a fantasy world for much of my childhood to the degree that I grew to enjoy it more than interacting with actual people. When I tried to exit that bubble I failed miserably and first discovered how much different I was from other people. I managed to go back to school, got stellar grades, got into a graduate program, racked up a lot of debt...and I'm thinking that it was for the sake of fantasies of what I could be rather than what I actually was capable of doing. I've never been able to really hold down many jobs and felt so much more different than the others around me all the time. I was called clumsy, slow, lazy, incompetent etc.

When I was treated it was for depression and anxiety problems...I didn't even know about the autism spectrum until recently, and though a number of people mentioned that I might be on it I didn't want to take their advice. I talked to my parents (who may both be some undiagnosed degree of ASD themselves) today about potentially being on the ASD spectrum and they mentioned that in the past, medical professionals and teachers had suspected that I had some or many learning or developmental disabilities. They chose to ignore or get upset at this advice.

Right now I'm 28, have never been in a relationship, am only living independently off of student loans, am struggling with basic life tasks and realizing that I don't really know how to pay bills, find an apartment, manage paperwork and other basic tasks that would be expected of an adult my age. I am terrified of change. I've never been diagnosed with anything other than severe depression and anxiety...and don't really know how to get myself checked up on for things like dyspraxia, face-blindness and other sensory disorders (which I'm sure I have). I've taken a number of online ASD tests and scored extremely non- neurotypical on them. At least I have a home to go back to...

I'm sending out a message asking for advice, because with the extra confusion that depression's bringing on I really don't know how to navigate the whole process. Where should I go from here? I think that the debt can be written off or written down...it's finding medical help that I'm worried and somewhat clueless about. I've been wanting to check into a psychiatric hospital for a while but don't know if they will take me seriously and believe that I could have slipped through the cracks. Heck, I don't even know how I managed to slip through the cracks.
Is there even hope for someone who may be diagnosed as a high or moderate functioning autistic (at best) at 28? I'm in Ontario, Canada if that helps.

You're sounding a lot like me - mid twenties, trying to push through uni but not making it, having trouble with things that are easy for everyone else, slipped through the cracks as a kid even with obvious problems and differences to others. I don't know if a psychaitric hospital would be best - as far as I know, autism isn't a psychiatric disorder and if you're looking to pay off the student debts one day, you're going to need a job. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I do think people with a history of mental problems get discriminated agianst in the selection process for worthwhile jobs. Maybe a therapist? That's a lot easier to explain than admission to a hospital. Maybe they could help you work out what's going on and what to do. I've been thinking a lot about this too - stopping living in the fantasy of what I thought I could or should be, and start looking at what I am, and what I'm really capable of. You think you can be like everyone else, but hinestly I think people on the spectrum are different and it's going to impact, sooner or later.

I seem to be in the same boat as you two. just got diagnosed with ASD. most definately slipped through the cracks to be diagnosed at this age - about the same age as you. If you can afford to have an assessment it could be good - the report from my assessment has recommended a tonne of services which was what I always needed. It's also very validating to make sense of your past. But I'm in Australia so don't know whether you would have the same experience.

I'm also trying to push through uni all the time knowing that I can do this part but am I dreaming to think I'll be able to work in this field when I finish. Hmmm still figuring this one out...

You're in your twenties, and just got diagnosed in Australia? How/where? It's a testament to how awkward things are right now that I've been thinking about looking into it myself, looking for somewhere in the Sydney region. Everything I read is all children children children. What about the adults?

Just-Lou and Floating, what are you taking in school?

Yeah, at this point I've been looking back at the past and realizing that not only was I severely, severely dependent on other people but a lot of what I did might have been done to avoid changes to my routine. Being such a terrible communicator, I really don't think I know how to tell all this to a psychiatrist, analyst or therapist without having them say something along the lines of 'what the f--k were you thinking?'.

It feels right now like everything I'd been doing in the past was just me living in my fantasy world. I'm going to take a look into a full assessment and what I might expect to pay for it.

Hi again,

I sent you a pm just-lou with the details.

Also, this site is really good for adults looking for a diagnosis.

http://www.autism-help.org/adults-diagn ... ergers.htm

I'm studying to be a primary teacher and I'm loving it so I'm going to envision that I can do the job even though I might be dreaming.