Coping and reducing anxeity associated with AS

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Hello,

I'm not sure what to do, and I need advice. I'm a 26 year old male, trying to figure out a way to cope with the various anxieties associated with AS. As I mature I've been trying to become more independent, and trying to figure out the steps required to successfully navigate through this non-AS world. Understanding that anxiety is the biggest, most limiting issue in my life, I've always wanted to figure out a way to eliminate it or reduce it. Zoloft hasn't really helped, and after taking it for 4 years, it really hasn't improved anything, as anxiety is still there, and has introduced me to suicidal thoughts and depression I'd never feel on my own. After the Zoloft I've tried St. John's Wort, with little success, and current take Vitamin B6 and Magnesium, which helps only slightly. But, I'm not looking for a magic pill or elixir. What I'm looking for are either medications or supplements as well as other ways of coping with the anxieties that I suffer.

In the recent months, I've been trying to categorize the causes of my anxieties. Social anxiety has the biggest impact in my life. Uneasy around stangers, uneasy around people who, in my mind, I can never fit in, uneasy around agemates especially the opposite sex, uneasy around people I've known my whole life, being gripped by anxiety and preventing me from being myself around others, making contact with others, and giving others the wrong impression. I'm sure a lot of Aspies share this social anxiety.

I also get anxiety from breaking from my routines. Sometimes it can cause so much worry that it would ruin my whole day and cause me to make unruly decisions to avoid the anxiety. If I move away from my parents, what happens if I have car problems and only one car? My car got stuck in the ice and required my father to give me a push to free the car from the ice. If I move out (which I wanted to do to get away from anxiety cause at home), who will help me if my car gets stuck? How will I get to work on time? These are the things that cause me anxiety and can cause me to convince myself of something unrealistic or unnecessary to avoid this anxiety, further putting me in more predicament. And when a routine must be broken, I go over and over in my head how to deal with it and work around it, and ways to get back into the routine.

The third source of anxiety is from change. Change of a work schedule, change of plans, change in procedure, change in routines. I was giving my supervisor a hard time about a change in my days off. I got so upset that my days could be changed that I went to my manager about it. Because of my seniority, I could pick any days off I wanted, and I wanted my existing days off. Since there was a misunderstanding, my days almost got changed, though going to my manager got it straitened out. This is another example. Sometimes change could be so much that it could push me to the point of suicidal thoughts.

It's these three sources of anxiety that really hinder my life. I know that, if gone or reduced, I'll live a more comfortable, happy life. There is one person I found in my area that can help with AS, but he's 45 minutes away, and doesn't take insurance. I'm not sure who to go to, who's advice I should seek, and how I should go about it. I really don't want to take medications. I'm not sure if I should seek out someone who specializes in AS, or if a general psychologist can help me with my problems.

I'm also curious to know if these anxieties are just part of life with AS, and I just have to deal with it, or if things can really be improved enough to make a worth-while change. I'm sure there are a lot of Aspies like myself with these very issues and questions, as it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one. Any help would be greatly appreciated, as I have no one to ask.

Thank you.

Jonathan

Hi,

I don't know that I have a lot of advice to give as such, but I can tell you that you are not alone. My biggest AS struggles are related to anxiety. And like you, changes in routines and changes in general are some of my big triggers. I fear many things. Recently my psychologist asked me to write a list of my anxieties so that she could better understand what we need to deal with - I don't think she realized how extensive a list it was going to be!

She has been on holidays lately (I only started seeing her just recently), so we have not begun to "resolve" any of them yet. I don't know how this will go exactly, but just the thought that maybe there are ways to reduce my anxiety is making me feel more positive in general.

Being that we will have aspergers for the rest of our lives, I too wonder if it is even possible for things to improve for us, or if we really are meant to just "deal with it". I was having a panic about this just the other day and sent her an email asking this question. She said that she has great confidence that we just need the time to work on each issue. I don't know whether this is her genuine belief or if it was just to make me calm down. But to be honest, I'm willing to try anything to feel better.

My therapist has a fair amount of experience with AS (but is not a specialist in it), so I'm not sure if I can comment on whether you should see an AS specialist or not. But it sounds like you really need to be able to talk to someone about this, and if that means someone who is not an AS specialist (like a general clinical psychologist or psychologist) due to availability, then it really is a good place to start.

well I don't know how helpful I can be but I can share with you about myself. I'm in a similar boat in that I am similar age, living at home and not sure whether I can cope if I move out for the same sort of reasons as you. Its crap. Like you, I want to be more independent but gaining independence brings problems and probably anxiety. I don't know whether to live a sheltered simple life or try to make it in the world. It's really hard to know what's best.

I think anxiety is the worst feeling ever and since it's a mental feeling it should be possible to reduce it. I mean, we can be in a crap situation - that's one thing - the pain of our circumstances - but how we deal with that is another thing - our mental feeling. I think we can change our feeling about our circumstances. This is just an idea that has worked pretty well for me - I'd start by making peace with the fact that you have anxiety and stop trying to get rid of it. When you stop reacting to the anxiety you stop feeding it and it calms down. Just decide - anxiety is my friend and it can stay as much as it likes.

anyway, the main thing is you are not the only one with the sorts of problems that you have.

Hello Jonathan,

I can share with you some of the methods i have been using for a while to overcome my anxiety, i am not sure if these will help you but i guess it is worth a shot. First of all i acknowledged there is no magical, instant cure for that. This is the part i lowered my expectations. Then i discovered one of the major reasons i am experiencing anxiety is places with too many stimulants, e.g crowded streets, crowded places. If i have to be in one of these i prefer the less crowded times of the day or even if i have to walk past these places in rush-hours i look for alternative ways to go by. These are examples of precautions to avoid anxiety for me. But i know when anxiety becomes overwhelming it is pretty nasty. I keep saying in my head `i dont give a ****` multiple times(sometimes even multipleX20), and it actually works for me to go to a more peaceful state. When i achieve this more peaceful state of mind, i simply just focus on my sight. I define the objects in my sight with as many words as possible in my head. I repeat this pattern as i go back to the overwhelming anxiety. After i got home, and eventually felt relieved, i try to write down what i had gone through the day. I hope you can get a system of your own sooner or later. And id say go see an expert and they will help you in someway whether they are experienced or inexperienced on AS. Be gentle to yourself!

I found aerobic exercise helps with my anxiety - like walking, running, swimming, etc.

Deep breathing is also good, and if you focus on your breathing and nothing else, it is like meditation and helps to quieten your mind.

Organising your life, writing down appointments, your work shedule, etc helps to free up your mind, so you aren't worrying so much about when you have to do something, etc and gives you less to think about. I know when I'm anxious my mind goes into overdrive, so the less thoughts the better.

Make sure people, such as your boss, know that a change of routine stresses you, so try to limit any changes as much as possible. If a change is absolutely necessary make sure they know to give you notice well in advance so you can mentally prepare yourself.

I experience a lot of anxiety related to my university work, and I have found that one of these strategies alone doesn't help, I have to implement all of them in order to cope.

Hello there! i'm also very anxious. i think this is why i'm such a alcoholic, it seems to calm me right on down to cool town. Also, moving for me is stressfull and i need to show my family that i cant get it done so they dont try taking me to court saying i'm unfit to care for myself stealing my money!!

I also have anxieties, but only social related.

I believe that it is related to the problem that Im not automatically aware of my emotions.

When I have anxieties Im confused and I naturally try hard to get an overview of the situation, which I think is the wrong way, because it never works. Now I made the experience to ask myself what I am feeling. Somebody already mentioned this, and I totally agree. Because the more I tried to feel the anxiety, the more it disappeard, and suddenly I knew what I wanted/not wanted and so on... I was suddenly sure of everything. But Im still not good at it, because I forget to ask myself what Im feeling, so for me it is only my new hypothesis which Im still figuring out.

The hypothesis: If I dont know what Im feeling I can get mentally confused. And because people demand me to pay attention to the surroundings, I "detach" from myself.

The worst anxiety I get is actually when I'm bored. It's weird because I don't feel psychologically anxious, but I do get the physical feeling of severe anxiety. It's a kind of pain that I have a really hard time describing to my doctor.

Anyway, I was recently prescribed vyvanse for attention problems, and I noticed that it decreases my anxiety significantly and makes me more social. Before that I would self-medicate with opioids, mainly hydrocodone. You should talk to a doctor about your attention problems and the medication they prescribe for it will probably remedy a lot of your symptoms.