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ToughDiamond
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08 Feb 2011, 10:25 am

I've noticed that I hardly ever ask questions in real life. I ask a few in writing but not really very many.

Thing is, I'm sure that questions are a very important part of communication, especially for making friends where you want to know about the other person so you can decide whether you're going to like each other or not, and find out what you might be able to share. So why don't I?



Moog
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08 Feb 2011, 10:34 am

You aren't interested?

Often people say small talk things that invite questions, but I have no natural inclination to know any more than what a person tells me, usually.

I'm very patient, and I can let information come to me, or if I really want to know, I can ask. I usually ask very detailed questions about a particular aspect of something someone said.

If it's something I have a strong interest in, I can have long and in depth conversations, and I will ask lots of questions then.

My stock question is 'really?', but it's not really a question, just a catch all way of encouraging people to go on.


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Severus
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08 Feb 2011, 10:39 am

I rarely ask questions, as my first urge is to seek the information elsewhere and I don't ask personal questions anyway. Usually it is quicker and less bothersome to do your own research.



Moog
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08 Feb 2011, 10:41 am

Severus wrote:
I rarely ask questions, as my first urge is to seek the information elsewhere and I don't ask personal questions anyway. Usually it is quicker and less bothersome to do your own research.


That's true. Humans are so hard to wrangle relevant information out of sometimes. The internet has spoiled us.


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sedjat
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08 Feb 2011, 10:56 am

Sometimes I think that I muddle my questions and others have a hard time understanding what I'm asking, which naturally results in me not getting good answers back. Sometimes it's just easier for me to be very observant and/or try and find the answer on my own. Although, it may take me more time to come up with an answer.

Perhaps not asking a lot of questions has more to do with being more of an observer than a participant and being a bit slower at understanding the interactions between people.



the_curmudge
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08 Feb 2011, 2:25 pm

If I'm not interested in a topic I don't ask questions 'cause that only encourages people. If I AM interested, I'm interested in everything about it, which means I have more questions than people will willingly answer. So in either case, I don't ask questions. I rely on text for information.



League_Girl
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08 Feb 2011, 2:32 pm

I ask too many and some people don't like it. If this is about socializing, it depends. It once got me into trouble with someone online but she was a troll anyway, a narcissist it turned out.


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08 Feb 2011, 2:43 pm

Questions are certainly part of conventional conversations.

Asking questions shows interest in what another person is communicating or interested in.

It's a useful tool for interaction. You could learn to ask questions if you want another tool

to make conversation.

It doesn't come naturally to everyone, on the spectrum or not.

And to answer your question, my son is learning to ask questions in speech therapy.

I am NT and ask a lot of questions. A lot of time I'm genuinely interested in what other people think. And, yes, it
does help determine if I have enough shared interests to determine how much I want to pursue a friendship.

Also, it helps me feel in control like when I'm with my doctor or with my son's teachers.


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StuartN
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08 Feb 2011, 5:13 pm

Moog wrote:
I'm very patient, and I can let information come to me, or if I really want to know, I can ask. I usually ask very detailed questions about a particular aspect of something someone said.


I have a terrible habit of making a statement instead of asking a question, which sometimes gets misunderstood, for instance as being my opinion.

In mathematics or engineering it is quite common to start a discussion with some axioms, which are a starting point and not necessarily true.

It is very effective with people who are comfortable with this style of discussion, and most well-read people are comfortable once they realise my meaning.



CockneyRebel
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08 Feb 2011, 6:30 pm

I ask a lot of questions to the people in my social circle. I want them to see that I'm willing to take an interest in their lives and their interests.


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08 Feb 2011, 6:42 pm

It's just a way to let people know that you're interested in what they are saying. It doesn't come naturally to me. If they are talking, it's hard for me to come up with a good question. If I am talking, I sometimes forget to pause, and let them get their opinion in.


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pensieve
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08 Feb 2011, 7:23 pm

I asked my share of questions as a kid. I think I maxed out my questions card so I barely ask questions these days.
That and I barely talk to people too.


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ediself
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08 Feb 2011, 7:31 pm

pensieve wrote:
I asked my share of questions as a kid. I think I maxed out my questions card so I barely ask questions these days.
That and I barely talk to people too.

haha! i remember when i stopped...one day i looked around and i was like..where did the adults who knew everything all go? Since when did they all become so dumb? Have they always been that way? I even felt sort of embarassed for having ever asked my parents anything...



Zen
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08 Feb 2011, 8:18 pm

ediself wrote:
pensieve wrote:
I asked my share of questions as a kid. I think I maxed out my questions card so I barely ask questions these days.
That and I barely talk to people too.

haha! i remember when i stopped...one day i looked around and i was like..where did the adults who knew everything all go? Since when did they all become so dumb? Have they always been that way? I even felt sort of embarassed for having ever asked my parents anything...

LOL, the same thing happened to me. After a barrage of questions, someone asked me, "Why do you think I know everything??" I was like, "Don't you?" And they said, "No." So after that I started doing my own research and didn't ask a lot of questions for factual information, though I do catch myself asking people who I know are very smart questions as if they are omniscient. XD
I have taught myself to ask informational questions. I used to try to find my way or figure things out totally on my own. Now if I get too stuck, I will ask someone.
I never ask personal/social questions though. I know that I should only after losing a friend who accused me of not caring because I never asked her anything. But I still don't know how to ask or what's appropriate to ask, because I just figure if someone wants to tell me something, they will. Asking feels like prying to me.



Chama
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08 Feb 2011, 8:36 pm

I'm learning to... it's pretty difficult! I always expect people to just TELL me, because that's what I do. My brother isn't AS, but he has conversations at the same flow that I do, so I've gotten spoiled talking to him. We easily go back and forth without having to ask questions, and it's nice, but most people don't do that. They want you to ask... it doesn't feel like a natural conversation to me, unless it was a question I really wanted to ask, it seems forced and I'd rather just have them keep talking.



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08 Feb 2011, 8:46 pm

Moog wrote:
Severus wrote:
I rarely ask questions, as my first urge is to seek the information elsewhere and I don't ask personal questions anyway. Usually it is quicker and less bothersome to do your own research.


That's true. Humans are so hard to wrangle relevant information out of sometimes. The internet has spoiled us.


So what species do you have better luck getting information out of? 8-)