What's Your Basic Strategy?

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To say a little about myself, I'm pretty sure I'm aspie and am working on getting a diagnosis. I'm nearly 24 now, and never suspected any connection to the Autistic Spectrum as a kid, but read up on it in college and things started to make sense for me. In any case, I'm wondering how people deal with being aspie. It seems to me like there are lots of ways one can go about it. The sensory stimuli to me seems like the biggest problem. Noise and the inability to filter it out in particular drives me insane. Ear plugs sometimes work but I don't always think to use them, and I then start to worry I'll miss an important sound. I kind of see a few ways to approach the issue of dealing with such a condition (broadly an "autistic" condition). One is to make a very uneasy peace with it, to talk to others about it, to make it known, and to try to get outside the condition somehow by "faking" NT-ness, in some ways a very clumsy approach, and another approach might be to keep it more or less private while not trying to hide, to just be yourself, and so on. The problem is that for some (though I don't do it so much anymore), the latter means doing things like stimming in public. I used to twirl my hair incessantly as a kid and was made fun of for it. I now sometimes do so but only when in private. I'm just wondering if there's anyone on here who knows of a good strategy. I'm a high-functioning person and I don't see any reason to have real problems but at times I just feel absolutely terrified, upset, overwhelmed, confused, and so forth, and though I know this happens to everyone, even when I mention me and Aspeger's to someone, it's like they realize some concession has to be made on their part. On the one hand, I wouldn't want to make a stigma out of it, yet if it will help others to understand, then maybe it's not so bad letting it be known. Just like one can't fake aspie, I think one also can't fake NT, but one can try in either direction. I think that the rigidity and routine way of doing things you see in a lot of aspies is itself a strategy for dealing with the underlying problem. Do others on this board indulge in their need for routines and structure, or do they try to be more flexible? Any general feedback is appreciated, even though I know that this wasn't the most focused thread-starter.

I indulge in my routines. I sort of do it without thinking but I know I need them to be able to do any thing. If I didn't have a set routine I'd be running around not knowing what to do or I'd sit on the couch all day.
I'm open about being autistic. I write about it so people can better understand me. I don't try to hold back autistic behaviours though I sometimes try to control my impulsive tongue, but that doesn't always work.
I try to talk about it with NT's but they don't have much of an idea about it. It can be good sometimes to talk about it but I prefer to just write about it.
I wear ear plugs or ear phones to block out noise. Sometimes it's almost impossible to get away from my sensory sensitivity. I have a pretty plain diet because my taste sensitivity is extreme. Eating spicy foods is like swallowing fire.
I don't try to fake NT but my functioning changes from moderate to high depending on my level of stress and when that happens trying to act like everything is fine will just make me worse. I stim in front of people and no one says anything. No one even looks. Well I sort of turn off from the world so I don't notice if they do.

Before learning I was an aspie I did well. People thought I was quirky. I never really even realized I didn't make eye contact as much as other people. I figured out how to spoof social situations when I was a kid so it's a bit like second nature at this point, although still, ultimately, unnatural.

The choice, I think, is up to you and the situation. If I'm meeting with a client or doing something important, I go all-out and emulate an NT, but this is exhausting. I feel totally drained after even just an hour of faking it. But sometimes it needs to be done.

Other times I'm more relaxed and stim myself, tend away from the oculars, blurt and ramble and flow orally 100% without worrying about it.



Everything else, which is 99% of it, man, you just need to use your head. Try something, and if it doesn't work out that's in the past. It's often better than not even getting that far.

I systemize everything. It is ridiculous how many lists, charts and graphs I have come up with just to do basic things...

Hmm good question.

I am currently developing a basic strategy, having only found out about ASD when I was 30.

Some of my ideas so far are:

1. Learn about my mental and physical processes, and what I need to function best. This will not be NT version.

2. Pursue a lifestyle and occupation where I can be as much "myself" as possible, and where I "fit in" as much as possible. Interestingly, I find intense concentrated activity (eg. workshop) over-rides many of my sensory sensitivities. Also, where I "fit in", my ASD traits are not prominent, because they are normal in that context.

3. Make sure I have plenty of downtime between social interactions.

4. Avoid taking social interactions too seriously (because I tend to over-analyze, and NTs aren't taking it seriously, they're having fun at that party!)

5. Have a balanced lifestyle (whatever that involves) mainly to avoid mental illness.

6. Adjust stimming toward er, socially acceptable (?) forms, eg. tapping feet or fingers, fiddling with pens. Mainly so I get to stim without weirding people out.

7. Remember to smile. oops, forgot again!


These things I have found don't work so well:

1. conventional counselling methods, such as talking, identification of feelings.

2. pushing myself (or being pushed) to process social dynamics faster.

3. relationships with people who are not clear communicators.

4. decision making.


Finding out I had ASD was definitely challenging.
It was great to have an explanation for, well, my life. It helps me understand myself.
On the other hand, it was a little like finding out that I had a genetic defect. (by that I mean something that is hard work and that I am stuck with forever). This was not so great.

As far as telling other people about your ASD.... this is a decision that is context-dependent.
I think that telling prospective partners is essential.
If you are having real trouble functioning in a study or work environment, disclosing ASD is useful.
With friends, use your judgement.

If you are high-functioning, tending to keep it to yourself is a good path. You can always tell people later if you want, but you can't un-tell them! Besides, people who know about ASD will notice ASD traits, so you may not have to tell them anyway.

I've probably spent most of my life in some degree of sensory overload without really knowing what the problem was. I did do what I could to avoid it because sensory stimuli could easily become painful and disruptive. Not as successful as I would like, though.

I tried to present myself as NT because I assumed I was NT and everyone else was dealing with the same problems, and I just couldn't figure out how to cope as well as they did. My coping mechanisms were basically attempts to find ways to fit in - to alter my presentation and myself to be acceptable. I do not think it crossed my mind that I was weird in particular ways, and I had some self-awareness issues. I was mainly just trying to socially fit in, although this primarily worked at all because I socialized primarily via a special interest.

Hey bro... very good information here..i am so happy to read about this...thanx...

I suppose my "basic stragtegy" is to maximise the amount of control I have over my environment. When I call the shots, autism doesn't give me much trouble.

The main problem with this approach is the need for money.....the workplace remains my hardest environment, because employers don't like handing control over to workers, and my only solution has been to hang onto the idea that if I save hard, there'll come a day when I don't have to go to work any more. Meanwhile I've been diagnosed, and I've divulged that to my employer, which has taken away a lot of the anxiety about being judged and expelled for not multi-tasking etc.

Socially, it's up to me.......if socialising is too hard, I won't die if I just stay away from it. But I don't like being all alone, so I have to keep trying with people. The most important strategy I have for social stuff is to remember the importance of feelings - I'm not all that good at working out what they are, but I study the subject a lot and every little helps.

I did this. I'm pretty much aware of myself now. I've known I'm autistic for about three years. One can learn a lot in 3 years.
I read about neuroscience, both NT and autism brains so I could separate the differences. Through that I learnt that certain food would be good and bad for my brain. Although I've not met many people with my food sensitivities and awareness of them. I'm sensitive to medication, alcohol and sugar too.
I'm pretty aware of my motor skills too.

Basically I read up a whole lot on autism and similar disorders and I have a natural instinct to make connections so I used that to get a better understanding of my brain.
I don't think I'm explaining myself clearly enough but I guess what I'm trying to say is learn all about the autistic brain to better understand yourself.

Thanks for the responses. I can relate to going the first 20 or so year of my life assuming others were having the same problems (but still always felt strangely...autistic, without having a word for it). It's only when I go back to my early childhood, sort of before an adolescent period where things seem to get very confusing for everyone, do I spot early signs of some autism in myself which fit diagnostic criteria (such as the hair twirling, ordering of objects, counting, focused interests) and probably went unnoticed, due to parents who were either uneducated on the matter, or just considered me my own person rather than someone to be identified with a disorder. Even now I've mentioned it to my parents and they seem only half way receptive to it, and at least one of my brothers has claimed that he thinks it's a "cop out" to which I've had to reply "yeah, you're right, it is." It may just be that many people are ignorant of AS and don't want to believe it's a valid condition which one doesn't decide on, like how some backward-thinking people believe that homosexuality is a choice (and a "wrong one" at that!). It was a pretty good sign when I started socializing in college that the only way I could feel comfortable around others was through the use of drinking and drugs. Again, I just assumed that's how it was for everyone, even though many of my NT friends seemed more relaxed than I was around other people by default. I also think that because I'm pretty good at mimicking people, I did just that in social situations, copying the fashion trends, the mannerisms, the attitudes, and so forth, of NTs. I probably just came across like a stereotypical NT of one sort or another from afar. All through my youth I was accused of being surly, partly because I was often grumpy due to poor sleeping habits (through years of middle school I just didn't understand, and would stay up until 3 only to wake up at 7), and partly because my usual facial expression was (and still generally is) flat and/or serious. Nowadays, I socialize very little. I have an NT girlfriend who seems to understand me (but still sometimes thinks I'm behaving a certain way on purpose whereas in reality I'm just being oblivious), and a few friends who I see occasionally.

I'm gonna have to have a go at this. There has to be some way of getting things ordered around here.

I hope you have more luck than I did. I just ended up with loads of cumbersome statistics and memory-jogging systems that took more effort to create and maintain than they saved. But sometimes a well-written protocol can make the difference between getting a thing right and screwing up, even if people think I'm bonkers for planning things so meticulously.

Yeah, that's what worries me about it - I'll end up getting lost in the detail of the lists instead of actually doing something with them.

--- http://www.ericdigests.org/2003-5/auditory.htm (Auditory Processing Disorders)

I really don't have a strategy yet. Lists don't work because I forget to look at them. I'm beginning to think I CAN'T function well within the current expectations of our job market. I am becoming more aware that I need simplicity and very low levels of distraction, neither of which is easily found in our digitized, highly multitasked, stimulus saturated world. It would appear that a successful strategy for me is to become increasingly unplugged.