Hi,
A few months ago (around october) a guy at my university got diagnosed with ADHD, I spoke with him about this pathology and he told me I should go talk to the school counselor about this. I did and since it takes time before I can get a diagnosis I search everywhere I can about neurologic pathology, it was almost an obsessive research during this last holiday, but I finally heard about Asperger Syndrom.
By reading about AS, I found a lot of my behavior, but it's still not that clear. I just don't see myself being autistic, well not at first! I've passed many test online and they all pointed to an extreme score for AS. This semester, I'm taking an optionnal course that is given by a psychologist specialised in neurology and helps student understand about how memory works, understand what to improve in our "student career", different pathology... Last time I saw him I asked him if he had some reliable test I could pass on Asperger Syndrome. He got surprised because he told me I didn't look aspie, that I had some facial expression and it was possible I had it, but on a mild level. I will take further meeting with this professor, but I don't like having doubt, so here I am...
A little bit about myself. I'm 27 years old, beginning my master degree in electrical engineering. Since high school, I've never been able to study, but I always managed to have the average or above average result. The only time I did study like everyone else, I got A+. Because a master take much more effort and that I'm at a breaking point of my life, I've realised I need help.
Here are some of the symptoms:
- Trouble sleeping, I just can't get to sleep, I think too much about many things. I'm not only thinking about my preoccupation, but my brain is as active when I try to sleep as when I'm awake.
- I had big headache when I was a kid, it began at school age, never got away for good. I could pin point the location of the origin of my headache and is above my left eye.
- I don't like to be touched by others. When I was a kid, I hated when someone was hugging me too hard. Also, when anyone touches me, even friends, I react by moving away. When I'm sad, I don't feel better when someone's hugging me. But I do love hugging dogs, I profoundly feel closer to dog's behavior than human, and that's kind of weird!! ! Well that's what a friend of mine said after I told her that.
- I'm extremely sensitive to some high frequency sounds. I hate dishes hitting eachother's noise or vacuum or anything sudden and loud. When I was a kid, some sounds made me cry. I'm also really sensitive to sunlight, I just hate morning where the sun goes straight to your eyes, I have a hard time letting my eyes open and sometime it get me some tears.
- I often isolate myself. I don't know why, but I often need to be alone, it's relaxing.
- I have big trouble with socialisation. It's not that I don't want to make new friends and not because I'm shy, but mostly because I can't keep up with casual conversation and I'm nervous around new people. I've never been able to keep friends for long period of time. When I change school, I also have a change in my friends group.
- I have an almost dangerous pain tolerance. I have a long list of example where I should've felt a lot more pain that I reacted to. When I was a kid, I would cry for loud noises, but nothing if I drop down the stairs... At my japanese jiu jitsu lesson, my classmate call me unhuman because of the pain I can handle... Even one of them told me I should have autism to have that kind of pain tolerance, this was before I knew Asperger Syndrom existed.
- I do show some emotion, but my mother is highly expressive and always encouraged me to smile. But I'm not sure if I can show different type of emotion. Also, I'd think that my facial expression are more of a learned defense mecanism than a innate behavior. I do analyse every social occasion and everyone I meet, so I think I try to use the appropriate facial expression when I need to.
- As a child I did hand flapping when I eat something too hot, my parents found this funny. I've been able to control this, but now when I get excited I will jump, or contract my muscles (from biceps to fingers). Also my reaction will depends on the social occasion, when I'm alone I'll let everything out, but when I'm in group I'd control myself a lot.
- I have the ability to get hyperfocused on things that interest me. Because of that feature I can acquire a lot of information on a lot of different subject and that helped me a lot through my school years. If I would have one specific interest, it would be to know everything!! !
- I have a good chance to have a neurologic pathology : (On my mother's side) my grand-mother (83yo) and her son (65yo) are diagnosed with Alzheimer. My cousin (13yo) got diagnosed ADD last year and her brother (8yo) show ADHD symptoms. My uncle (on my father's genealogic side) show some Asperger symptoms so does my father (especially around social awkwardness), but none of them got diagnosed.
So what do you think about it. Would Asperger associated with ADD be a good diagnosis for me? What's a mild Asperger condition? Is only facial expression the evaluation factor for Asperger level??? Do I even fit in the Asperger definition?
Thank you
13 Feb 2011, 11:04 pm
