How many of you Aspies want to be a toddler (continued)

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Hi there again all of you!! !

Now to continue with where I left off:

My parents worry a lot about me, because I am so trusting and naive
and gullible. I am like a 4 year old, I talk to everyone in town virtually
in a small city. And I'm the type of person that doesn't think that people
always have bad intentions. My parents think one of these days that
I am going to trust the wrong person and they will hurt me just like how Jeffrey Dahmer did to his victims. Don't
think that kidnap victims are always children; they are not always
children. During the past 2 months or so, I have been reading the
case of a serial killer named Westley Allan Dodd who in 1989 hurt
and killed 2 boys aged 10 and 11 in Vancouver, Washington.
One month later, Dodd kidnapped a boy, a 4 year old named Lee
Joseph Iseli, in Portland, Oregon, on October 29, 1989, and took him
to his Vancouver apartment across the Columbia River from Portland,
hurt and killed him too. Dodd was eventually
arrested, confessed to his crimes, demanded the death sentence
and got it, and threw out all his appeals, and was hanged at the
Washington State Penitentiary at Walla Walla, Washington on
January 5, 1993. I do not remember the children in
fall of 1989 (I was only 13, and seriously, if I had been in the wrong
place at the wrong time, I might have been one of Dodd's victims
myself, if I had been in Vancouver or Portland), but I do remember
when Dodd was hanged in 1993, because I was a TA for my
geography teacher in high school, and I remember sitting in the
back room correcting papers. I had bought a newspaper that day,
and when I opened the page, I saw a picture of the hanging chamber
at the prison, which was sick to me. I'm actually very very anti death
penalty and anti abortion too. I don't believe in the death penalty
because I believe that even a monster like Dodd or someone say
like Gary Gilmore or Ted Bundy, was someone mom's little boy at
one point, and I don't see how by killing someone else's child that
would make people happy. Maybe I'm just very forgiving, I don't
know. I know if someone hurt me, I wouldn't want him to get the
death penalty, I guarantee it. If you want to read the book about
Dodd and the three poor children, go to Ebay and bid for "Driven
To Kill" by Gary C. King. It is a very sad book. I feel sorry for just
about everyone in that book. And I'm not saying in any way that
we should allow people who hurt people to go scott
free, I'm not saying that at all - I actually believe that if you kill
someone you should get life imprisonment, not so much just for
punishment but also protecting society.

What I found very interesting is that even after Westley Dodd
hurt poor little Lee Iseli (who was 4), Lee Iseli was able to actually
just move on and forgive him and forget and go on to drawing
pictures. That is what he was doing. Perhaps, I could compare it
to another incident that I saw, though certainly not as terrible or
nauseating or disgusting. 3 years ago, my friend Zachary (who I
have known since high school and who lives in Santa Barbara,
California, so I have been friends with him 12 years - he has a band)
came up one Christmas to see his mom. With him was his wife and
then 18 month old daughter Jaden. So I went to see Zach and
Jaden and Jessica (Zach's wife) at his mom's home - I of course
knew his mom since I was friends w/him since high school - and
there was an incident I have to tell you about. I was smiling at her
(Jaden) and she smiled back at me and it was so cute we were
standing facing each other - I even asked Zach to take a picture of it
but he ran out of camera film. Anyway, I then took Jaden up in my
arms and then was playing with her - I lifted her up, high up in the
air, and lifted her up and down (not letting her go of course, not
bouncing her upwards) but anyway, at one point, I lifted her too
high and forgot about the ceiling overhead, and bonked her poor
little head into the celing top. Of course, I was very upset I had
done that, but Zach's mom (Jaden's grandmother) said to me,
"I know you didn't mean it, and she's been bonked and dropped
much worse than what you did by accident". The part that really
gets to me though (and I'm sure this will get to you too), is, that
she (Jaden) started crying after it happened, sort of sniffling and
all that, but about 5 minutes later, she was smiling and playing with
me again, as if NOTHING had even happened!! ! Can you believe that??!

That is what I love in toddlers. I have learned a lot of things from
toddlers that I want to emulate because I love their behavior so
much. I sometimes have tantrums like a toddler, but I never hurt
a person or anything, even an animal. For that matter, I have never
even hurt a mouse. What I find really endearing in toddlers' behavior
is their ability to forgive. I love their kindness, caring, concern,
love, compassion, and most of all - the FORGIVENESS part is the
MOST endearing part of a toddler. I wish we all didn't have to grow
up. My psychiatrist (I saw him because of Asperger's) said that
some people have to be pulled into adulthood kicking and screaming
because they don't want to grow up. I disagree with that. No kicking.
No screaming. Because I am NEVER going to grow up - even if I
become a community college professor. Bottom line is that
no one - not the police, not the college, not my instructors, not
my friends, not my parents, no one can ever force me to grow up.
I actually have said to elderly people occasionally about a second
childhood. I actually saw a 75 year old at Bed Bath and Beyond
a few months ago and she was playing with this stuffed animal and
Ursula (that was her name) told me "Hehee, looks like I'm going
through my second childhood" to which I responded "don't worry,
I don't think I'm even going to have a second childhood, because I
never even got out of my first!!" ....LOL!!

When I die, I want to get buried with a whole bunch of toddlers in
a baby section in a cemetery. And gee, I probably will still have
my pacifiers. I can imagine somehow, people coming to my grave,
toddlers throwing pacifiers on my grave, knowing that of course, they
lost a good friend. I want to be the mayor of Ruston, Louisiana when
I go to Louisiana (if I ever get there). I want to keep it a small safe
little city of 20,000 people with no crime (there hasn't been a murder
for 6 or 7 years in Ruston, I have been told by the city police) and
a place where people can be innocent and don't have to lock their
doors of their house, and so on and so on. I can just see what my
grave plot will look like in my head:

Preston J. Dunn
May 8, 1976 - (date I died)
then below that:
Our beloved toddler mayor of Ruston
(toddler not in quotation marks, either)

Rest in peace, eternal toddler...

I also want to be buried in a Carter's sleeper with feet. For years and
years, I have badgered the people at Carter's to make me an adult
sized sleeper, but they won't do it for me. They are getting worse
and worse. They used to make sleepers with feet up to size 14-16,
and now they have cut back to 4 T at the maximum That
is very very sad, because now 5 year olds can't even wear those!
I saw a size 12 Carter's dinosaur sleeper though on Ebay today
with feet but unfortunately at 5'11" and 179 lbs I won't be able
to wear that!! If I only saw that when I was 12 years old in 1988.
The last pair of sleepers with feet I had was when I was 8 years old
in 1984. At that time, the sleepers with feet had the plastic feet that
really smelled after a while, and my mom actually had to cut it
off!! Now it's made of a different material now. I wish to heck I could
have one. I even tried Dr. Denton's (Wormser Company of Chicago,
Illinois) and they only make it up to a size 7. Needless to add, they
are only selling it to Sears right now. I saw a really cute YELLOW one
(I love yellow) at Sears, but it was a size 4 T. It had a tab on the
top of the pajamas too that had a snap button and covered the
end of the zipper at the top near the shoulder. I guess I need to
find a seamstress!! ! ARGH!!

Well anyway I will write more stuff maybe sometime in the future
hopefully maybe later this week or next week sometime, and
I hope you all have a great week!! !

And hopefully you all don't think I'm nutty or out of my head crazy.
I realize also that while you might understand (SOME of the readers
here at least), most normal people wouldn't

Well take care

(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

Warm regards,
Preston from San Jose, California
the eternal toddler
email me at: [email protected]

NOTE: I reedited this message on January 9, 2005 at 11:50 AM PST
I also wish to say that although my message sounds sort of morbid,
it was not my intention to appear gratuitous or offend anyone by
writing about 4 year old Lee Iseli's kidnapping in Portland, Oregon in
1989. I only wrote it because I wanted to bring that up to make a
point that toddlers are very forgiving creatures. Without mentioning
that there is no way that I would have been able to make any of you
understand what I was saying - that even when toddlers and preschoolers
and younger children get hurt, they have a great capacity to forgive - and
that is one behavior from a toddler I definitely wish to emulate.

I was not trying to sound morbid or anything in the slightest.

Summary: morbid, disturbing, freaky.

rofl, neanthumain!

i must say - i am absolutely boggled as to the fact that the post has been edited ... what on earth was taken out?

i don't think i think you're "nutty or out of my head crazy", geowhizkid, but i do think you might want to separate off these parts of yourself if you want to function independently in the world - keep them as your private/intimate life rather than boradcasting them, i mean. i suppose we all have our own little idosyncracies, which we don't usually share with random passers-by.

Hi there all of you reading this and good morning!:

I want to add one thing here:

It was not my intention for my message to sound disturbing in a morbid
sense at all. That was not my intention. My intention of bringing up
Lee Iseli being kidnapped and killed by Dodd was that I wanted to point
out that even after Dodd hurt him, Lee was drawing pictures at
Dodd's desk in his Vancouver, Washington apartment as if nothing
had happened to him. I just wanted to bring out the fact that children
are very forgiving - particularly toddlers and preschoolers. I wanted
to make a point out of that. And I felt there was no way that I could
make you feel what I was feeling about toddlers being very forgiving
unless I illustrated it in a poignant example. That is all. It was not
supposed to be morbid in the slightest. I'm sorry if I actually appeared
gratuitous as to speaking of the horrible things that Dodd did to his
truly innocent three victims. That was not my intention at all.

Anyway, have a great day and all of you do take care.

And about being buried in a toddler section in a cemetery when I
die - well, that's just where I want to be. I feel most comfortable
there so I just feel I should be there. An overgrown toddler should
always look after his fellow toddlers - eternally. I feel more comfortable there because I feel that they are a smaller version of myself, and
people are always comfortable around people who are like them or
who they perceive to be like them.

(((((Hugs))))))

Warm regards
Preston from California