Does this ring any bells?

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Hello, I am new here and joined to ask some questions of other members as I'm confused and I hope you guys may be able to shed some light on what I'm going through.
Although I have not been diagnosed I have some of the symptoms of an aspie. One of these is the taking literally what’s said to me.

My biggest concern is over sensitivity to the respect I receive from those close to me. With work-colleagues and friends I find I am largely un-bothered by how they talk to me and react to me. The person who I feel this respect thing with is my partner.
This has caused me difficulties in more than one relationship and has been a significant factor in the ending of at least two relationships. I feel as if my partners have had the 'don't act as if what they say can hurt.' bit of Asp. I find I am very sensitive to how words can effect people and am aware I take care not to upset anybody I'm talking to by saying the wrong thing.
I don't know if its because I've been doing it for so long but it is second nature to me. I would go so far as to say for me, in a relationship, it has become the norm. Now this is all well and good when I'm doing the talking and the taking care, but as I see it as a norm I find I expect it of my partner back to me. This has of course not happened -indeed on a number of occasions the making sure of avoiding offending has been characterised as a severe burden by more than one of these NTs(?)
Does this ring any bells with anyone out there? I really could do with some feedback on this.

Umm, so you are expecting other's to take as much care to not upset you as you do for them, and they don't? Am I in the ballpark?

When I was dating*, I seemed to attract very self-centered and sarcastic people. I think that it is okay to have high standards for how someone you are dating talks to you. We can't do much about the general population, but I believe the person closest to you should be taking your feelings into account more often than not.

*Now I am married to another Aspie of similar temperament

Well. Men are different , NT men are also different and a bit sensitive, but I personally feel society exempts them from having to watch out for what they say by saying females are "oversensitive anyways".Now this all depends which society you are in of course; and which par of which country you live in, and i know i'm generalizing a bit.
Are you genuinely offended by what he says? Or is it more a matter of "I would NEVER say that to him"?
Think about the ways you have explained to him the way you wanted to be treated, and his reaction to it. Does he take what you say into account? Or does he promise to change and fall back into old habits after a week?
I have one thing to say that will probably seem very far out to you, but i have been feeling the same way you did for some years, until i realised i was not making any of this up, he WAS doing it on purpose, and got a kick out of seeing me hurt, confused and angry. We seem to attract bullies, so keep an eye out for them, even in your own home.

Well, Society has often said that "gentlemen" should treat women with more respect and treat them as if they don't even do things that they do do. And that kind of thing led to the way many fairytales have been, and the old rhyme "Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Boys are made of snakes and snails and puppydog tails". Heck, the germans even have a custom of the man walking on one side of the sidewalk so HE will get hit with the waste water that some threw out of their homes in earlier times. Men aren't even supposed to offer their hand to shake to a woman. SHE is supposed to make the first move, if she chooses.



Well, some men will do that with ANYONE, ESPECIALLY a woman. You know what they say about ABSOLUTE power! And that word "absolute" was always an exageration. It can be best translated here as "the ability to materially affect someone in an adverse way with Little or NO repercussions". And so many men feel that they have that absolute power. Luckily, a rather small number actually ACT on it.

It's a pity so many women make such STUPID decisions and even MARRY such jerks. 8-( If they didn't, you could BET that that whole idea would almost VANISH within one generation.

Would you mind confirming that you just called me stupid for believing in a narcissist's (perfectly charming) made up persona?
I just wish he had greeted me with " hey! you're a bit ugly but you will do for what i need you for", that would have avoided years of wondering if i WAS paranoid and indeed treating him like s**t, as he said i was.