showing interest in someone

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Hi there,

i think i just found one of my biggest mistakes in my life, which is also related to AS. When i have a crush on someone, but i don't meet usuallz that person for long time, months, or for half years, i keep rather passive. I mean, my goal is to give the person a hint, that i love her, by doing something like that. But my goal and thinking is abit wrong, my goal is to give her a some hint, that i love her.

But it seems so that women expect something else: they dont want once a year a hint from an admirer, that there is someone who loves her, YES it is, no, they want more, they want no a yes/no answer to that question. They want to feel that the person really very very much likes her and needs them. So its not a black/white answer they expect, its a continuum answer, how much is the question. And if an AS guy just aims in giving her a hint, but keeps his feelings back althought they are very strong, then she gets the impression, "yes, he loves me, but not very much, could also live without me", though he cant stop thinking of her.

so my thesis is: AS person have wrong expectations, have a black/white thinking, therefore keep there feelings back, and the woman gets a false impression, such that she takes another one (

what do you think about my theory? was it similar in your case?

byebye,
anton

I have the complete opposite reaction. I get rather obsessive when I like a guy, and I really don't mean to at all. It's just the confusion and the anxiety of not knowing how to deal with it.

hello,

i also get very obessive, i cant think of anything else, BUT, i dont communicate that if I dont meet her due to school, work etc., i go everywhere where i can, but i dont start any smalltalk thing, anything out of the blue. And i have this black/white thinking, not thinking in a scale.

byebye,
anton

To be completely honest I've never figured out how the typical female would like to be approached. Most of the relationships I've been in happened by random chance or they approached me, so if I meet someone that I'm interested in, but there's no fairly specific event that brings us together in some way and they say nothing, I'm kind of lost. Usually if I try to give hints they're either too subtle or much too obvious to be mere 'hints' and I end up obsessing over what I'm supposed to be doing.

I prefer to be blunt (Hey, you're attractive, I'm interested in you, would you like to go to dinner with me?) but that turns off a lot of women so I generally avoid it. They seem to like subtlety, and I don't do that well.


If I'm interpreting it right, I definitely think your theory has merit - A lot of us tend to see things very black and white and have very different expectations from other people.

Women need to be simpler dammit.