Pretending to befriend... is this a power thing?

Post Reply New Topic

Every girl that I have tried to get to know in the last year or so has somehow politely waltzed right on out of my life. I'm a girl and I don't have any friends. Some of these individuals have actually pretended to make plans to see me again, and never did.... but talked about it so much, as to convince me that we were becoming friends and that they wanted to make sure I knew that we were going to be buddies.

I'm very shy but I don't tell these girls that I have issues, or that I'm friendless. I guess they can still sense that something isn't right though, and feel the need to protect sweet poor little me's feelings by lying compulsively. I also think they feel good about themselves and get a power trip when they are "being so nice to that poor pathetic shy girl".

Why do people do this? Why do people say "hey, i'll text you this weekend. we can do such-and-such together. i can't wait." or "i think you are really awesome and i want to hang out with you again!"
Why do people (especially girls) lie like this?

I'm a person who does that, but not to hurt feelings or lie. I do it out of social pressure to continue to see people. Sometimes I really do like a person, but I'm so nervous about interacting that I'll run away for a while and won't meet up with them again. Other times I do it to get them to leave me alone if I really don't like them. It's because I was taught to put up a front that you like people even if you hate them, to be "polite". It makes no sense, but I'd rather pretend to have that so people will get along with me than openly offend them because I'm scared of conflict.

Everybody does this, not just girls. I have absolutely no idea why. I think that for some reason NTs like to pretend to be interested in each other, even if they are not. They do it to each other too. It confuses me. Generally, if someone says to me that we will do something later, I just assume that it is meaningless nonsense, unless they make very specific plans.

I have noticed most NTs will lie about any and everything. I have even learned how to lie from them even if it isn't all that comfortable and I don't do it well. So don't worry too much about them lying find some aspie friends. I didn't know it at the time but almost all my good friends throughout my life have been on the spectrum and you only really need one.

My guesses;

a) a big dramatic scene where they may be perceived as 'the bad guy'
b) because by doing so they can call themselves 'good guys' even if never planning on following thru
c) fear of confrontation
d) misguided philanthropism - thinking they are doing good while actually causing more harm
e) because they suck - there are a fair share of just plain mean people in the world
f) 'little white lies' are so ingrained that they are the expected norm - everyone is supposed to be able to 'recognise' them for what they are - a polite brush off
g) telling the truth isn't fashionable at the moment

Take your pick.