Dealing with a 17yo with Aspergers

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Hi guys, first time poster.

First let me explain my situation, I have recently been employed by a couple to try help there 17 year old son with Aspergers. I did not know a thing about Aspergers until last week when I started. From what I understand the parents have tried alot of things to try and help him with no success. He was asked to leave school 2 years back and now sits at home playing xbox most of the day and has a little home schooling. I think they are trying the companion approach with me, I'm 24, alot of Kids that age look up to older guys and want to be their mate. Thats the plan, I am going to try help him out by being his mate and giving him a bit of Guidance.

I dont expect him to just be my friend thou, I'm a stranger to him. But it is working, up until today. Today he has just switched off, not just to me, but to his mother aswell who works from home. I need some help on what to do with him when he has these days, which according to his mum has been often lately. His mother has been diagnosed with cancers within the last 2 weeks. He has been explained what is going on.

lastly, he has stopped eating. He lives on canned energy milkshakes most day and has trouble eating them to. He is seeing a docter about this but nothing seems to work. He is now under 50kg.

Any help, or ideas, or advice would be great.

Thanks.

Hello, and welcome to WP.

I'm a fifteen-year-old female with AS, and you're dealing with a seventeen-year-old male, so my advice might be of some relevance, but I can't be certain. Also, everyone with AS is different (which I'm sure you have heard before.) Not just from neurotypicals, but from each other, too.

As far as the "shutdowns" go (not speaking with people; not really wanting to interact, feeling depressed... etc.) I have found that just being left alone for some time really helps me. The more adults (or peers) try to pressure me into interacting, the deeper I sink into myself and the worse I feel. I'm not sure if this will work with the specific young man you are trying to help, but it does with me. I would consider trying it (if you have not already.) I know it doesn't really sound like much, and that's because I'm never the one trying to get someone with an ASD to communicate.

The eating thing is relevant to me, too, but that's just because I have sensory problems. I only eat a select group of food... I'm very strict with what I eat and what I don't and I rarely try new foods. Has he stopped eating since his mother was diagnosed, or has this been an ongoing problem for most of his life?

I hope you find some answers here.

Thanks for your answers, they do really help. This is kind of a live update as I am with him now, after 1h30m he has decided to venture into the lounge and has spoken to me for the 1st time today. Interesting thing, his mother had just left for a appointment and he has gone straight for the video games. I have noticed that he only talks to me about games (Lucky I own a xbox and PS3), is this something to do with the AS?

Now I wish I could just give him video games to play when he switches off like that, but his parents have said they would like him off the games and doing other things.

His eating habits have worsen since his mother got ill, but has been a on-going thing.

Wow, this person sounds so much like me, I almost thought it might have been me at the beginning of the post.

he was on his computer before so could be

Huh oh, Dunbots is 17
Now, i'll let you guys have a chat.
Come on Dunbots. Open up. You don't want the nice man to lose his job do you now?

No, it can't be me, mostly because I've never talked to a psychologist or anyone like that about my Asperger's, and by the NZ in his name, and his use of kilograms instead of pounds (and I weigh more than 50kg ), he must be on the other side of the world from me. Nor does my mother have cancer, and I don't have an Xbox. But I do stay on my computer all day, do school from home, and don't eat much, so my profile is a bit similar.

Do you have any advice dunbots? Any tips on how I can try communicate with him, apart from games?

You could always play games with him. Have him teach you how to play, its worth a shot. Perhaps you could bribe him. Ask him if there's this new game he wants, buy it for him if he promises to cooperate with you. If he doesn't know of a game, then what games does he play? As a gamer myself I might be able to understand what his interests are. Just my two cents.

The games can be a way in - as most friendships start with a shared interest. Once you gain trust, you can talk to him about other issues.

I don't think it's a good idea to try to get him off the games right now. If the games are one of his interests then you just aren't going to get him off completely. Also, they may be a way for him to cope with stress. It's been a long time since i was 17 (and I'm a girl), but as I recall, 17 was stressful enough without the addition of a parent diagnosed with cancer.

I don't remember where I heard/read this explanation, but it was good so I'll reuse it. Normal people use time with friends (socializing) as a way to unwind and relieve stress after a difficult day. Asperger's are the opposite. We need time alone to unwind. Preferably in a familiar place we consider comfortable.

For instance, my female NT coworkers love getting pedicures and day spas and such. I'm not saying that would be hell for me, but you would have to pay me a lot of money before I'd submit to that. Same's probably true for guys. Things normal guys would find relaxing, might just cause more anxiety for him.

Try to branch out with topics by starting with his area of interest. Ask him what he likes to do other than video games, or what kind of specific video games he likes. See if he likes certain games. Don't force him to reply, but be gentle about it.

He has likely shut down due to stress.

He's 17 and knows he will be an adult soon and must figure out what to do with his life. This is usually a very stressful transition for someone with AS.

His mother has cancer...that would be stressful to anyone.

And last, you be-friending him, while well intentioned and not an inherently bad idea, is going to cause him some stress because it's a new social situation, and people with AS generally need a lot of time to adjust to these. People with AS usually need a lot of time alone as well.

You didn't state how tall he is, however if he's taller than 5'5 (165.1cm), and only weighs 50kg, it might be that he needs some type of inpatient treatment program.

You might try communicating with him through e-mail or some type of chat though. He might articulate himself better that way.

Keep it coming guys this is great! I am taking all this on board. I have been on a lot of forums in my time (different topic's) and this has been by far the most friendly and helpful. Thank you!

Expand on the game interest, take him to a gamers arcade where others play a game with multiple gamers, and use this to lead him into.....

Apart from wanting him to gain weight, what is it you want from him?

If one of my nutty parents hired a mentor for me, I would shut down in suspicion and humiliation