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jamieboy
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21 Feb 2011, 11:14 pm

This is not to show off i am genuinely trying to get to the bottom of whether my diagnosis is correct or not. Anyway i was a very popular kid and had loads of friend's up until about the age 13 when i had my first breakdown. Even during my teens in which i had hellish mental health difficulties i still managed to hold down several friendships. Anyway i fit all other characteristics of an aspie dude and currently have no friends at all. Every other criteria for diagnosis seem to fit me dead on. Surely the fact that i was popular kid doesn't necessarily preclude me from being an aspie? Or does it?



CaptainTrips222
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21 Feb 2011, 11:39 pm

That's highly unusual, but it's possible you're a full fledged aspie with some kind of late onset. Or, you have some spectrum disorder that psychologists haven't classified yet. Or maybe you don't have autism; maybe you have something else altogether. I'm not in the field, but I don't think being popular in your childhood precludes a diagnosis. In fact, a few people here feel they're very popular, and always had lots of friends, and still have the diagnosis. Your situation probably makes things confusing for you.



ediself
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22 Feb 2011, 6:13 am

I wouldn't say it's impossible, just very uncommon...i was a very solitary child, but i had a few "friends", at least one in each class i attended (i moved school almost every two years so that might explain it).
When i was 17 i had a brief experience of "popularity", because i decided that it was more important than grades, for some reason. (yes, just before graduation, how smart). It lasted the whole 9 months of school, and i got tired of it maybe 2 months in....and started studying again in secret :P But it held, despite this , so i wouldn't say it is impossible to be popular and aspie, it's just a bit exhausting....
My son was horribly bullied while at school, he is now homeschooled, but he always had girlfriends. I would say he wouldn't describe himself as an outcast at all, and he only knew that "this one kid" didn't want to be his friend, he has no idea how horrible his experience was (both physically and mentally) , so it's also possible the bullying didn't register with you, and you only remember your friends?



MotownDangerPants
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22 Feb 2011, 8:44 am

I mean...when I was reading up on AS awhile ago, I came across a lot of information that suggested that some people with AS don't display a lot of the DSM criteria behavior, or at least not as consistently as the DSM says the behaviors should be displayed.

I've also heard that there is somewhat of a difference between what is diagnosed ad AS in Europe and what is diagnosed as AS in the US, the US "kind" of Asperger's being more of the shy, wallflower type.

This was something very random that I read, a long time ago and I'm really not trying to start any controversy lol, but has anyone heard anything similar?



b9
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22 Feb 2011, 9:15 am

Quote:
Aspies who were popular kids?


i did not know any other kids when i was a kid, so i never knew any "popular" kids, let alone popular kids that had AS.



Digsy
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22 Feb 2011, 9:49 am

It wasn't until I reached age 19 when I met my only friend, I.E. someone who I can open up to and even then I am very very selective about what I am willing to open up about to him.
There are people out there that have considered me their friend and done what they can to get me interacting in their life, but for the most part I avoid social interactions where ever possible.
The ones that get offended because I leave early (mainly because I've seen enough for one night), don't really engage in conversation and just sideline debates, tend not to be friends anyway.
In fact I just stand and watch the world, taking in several conversations from neighbouring groups, so I never really engaged with anyone on what I'd call a friendship level, other than the one person I do recognise as what I understand to be a friend.

Now with the above said, I do my best never to fail, and I like to think I hold a little intelligence at least, when people have been pulling me all the time about things I've done/said wrong, I'll do my best to try and find my flaw and nail it.
I found at a very young age that there was really only one way to do this, and that was to watch other peoples reactions and firstly understand them then mimic them, I can only do this by interacting.
Facial expressions are not my speciality but growing up with deaf parents gave me a huge leap in trying to recognise and understand them from a lip reading point of view.
The facial expressions I recognise easily are smiles and laughter, so I use comedy a lot when I do interact with people, and I picked up a lot of tips and tricks from people like Benny Hill, Lee Evans, Billy Connolly and the like.

As a child my nan taught me how to turn social events into a game, score 4 points for each laugh, 2 points for each smile, -2 if they fail to smile or laugh.
This doesn't mean that I run around trying to make everybody laugh for points, no, it meant that if and when I interacted with people I was trying to score points whilst engaging the conversation at hand.
The score at the end of the event gives me a rough idea of how good my behaviour was.

Introverted (I) 67.57% Extroverted (E) 32.43% I try and use that 32.43% to the best of my abilities when I do interact with people, but I'll only interact with people out of necessity.

I wouldn't say it made me popular though.



pat2rome
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22 Feb 2011, 12:08 pm

It most certainly does not preclude you from being an Aspie. Remember, Asperger's is a diagnosis based on a combination of traits, not the presence or absence of just one trait. Personality traits or other Asperger's traits can also combine to "mask" certain traits as well.

I was, and still am, a social person. I have always had plenty of friends, and that actually caused my diagnosis to be delayed eleven years. My mom looked up information on Asperger's but got thrown off the trail by how much emphasis there was on social troubles. Since my diagnosis two years ago, I've realized I do absolutely nothing social intuitively. However, my mind can store enough data and process it fast enough to where my interactions don't appear scripted. I am only now able to notice certain body language signals and process them while keeping up a conversation (very proud of that).

I am also a generally pleasant person, so when I do mess up it generally gets dismissed as "oh, that's just Patrick, he means well." That also helps me retain friends despite having to consciously process every social thing.


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kfisherx
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22 Feb 2011, 12:15 pm

You know.... it is funny because I am quite "classic" in my symptoms of ASD except when it comes to this area. I never really cared to make friends but people have always been attracted to me and have supported me. I always found this perplexing. Today, I am very often the "life" of events and parties and even the center of attention. I don't mind it though I have to do it in very small doeses. People tell me that I am different but it is in a good way and the admire it. They seek me out all the time such that it feels like I never get enough alone time.

So yah.... We don't all have to be repulsive to NTs and the rest of the world. :)



donnie_darko
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22 Feb 2011, 12:23 pm

im sure some exist. i was not one of them.



Another_Alien
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22 Feb 2011, 12:35 pm

I was basically 'normal', with an average number of friends, until I was about 15. At that age my Autistic problems began, and I began to become more isolated (though I have friends again now).

I think it depends what 'type' of Aspie you are. If you're the classic nerdish introverted type then its pretty unlikely that you ever had many childhood friends, and you may never have many friends.

If you're more the 'somewhat more extroverted, but very immature for your age' type - like me - then it's quite likely that you were fairly 'normal' until puberty at which point the pressures of expecting to be more mature will probably prove too great for you, and you'll break down in some way. It sounds as though this might have happened to you too OP.



SeizeTheDay
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22 Feb 2011, 12:45 pm

I was bullied and had two friends until high school. But my friends showed me their friends and a small group formed. I wasn't close with them but it made me feel better and more popular. :lol:


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Gideon
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22 Feb 2011, 12:46 pm

There was a period of my life where I became very interested in working out and sports and while I was never very outgoing during that period of time I was moderately good looking and I think looks often make up for many a social faux pas.



JSMC
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22 Feb 2011, 12:58 pm

I'm pretty sure I have Asperger, and I think I will get my diagnosis the 4th of march. I tested pretty high on all test I have ever taken online (which is around 10 or more). I have a weird genetic pool, 4x possible Asperger (or HFA), 2x diagnosed Alzheimer and 2x diagnosed ADD. As a kid, I'd not say I was popular, but I knew a lot of people. I did a lot of team sport, like soccer, baseball, hockey,... I just never kept a friendship for long time. It's always a matter of activity. I'm a nice guy and always try my best not to offend people (I think a lot before talking). So people tend to like me.

Asperger is more related to social awkwardness than a need to be lonely. Some aspie will try everything they can to meet knew people, but just don't know how to do it (I am like that). Those weird things AS do and because we can remember it for a long time, makes us wanting to stay alone so we don't repeat the same mistake or do new ones.

You could be popular and still be Asperger. Everybody is different and have different experience. Knowing a lot of people doesn't change your brain wiring!! ! Maybe you meet people who where less prone to judging people when you where younger. I know this is why I have friends now, they don't judge me.

Like pat2rome said, I also process social clues, but that's something I learned through the years... I don't do it intuitively, but I learned from my mistake, and I did a lot!! !



CaptainTrips222
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22 Feb 2011, 5:54 pm

MotownDangerPants wrote:
I mean...when I was reading up on AS awhile ago, I came across a lot of information that suggested that some people with AS don't display a lot of the DSM criteria behavior, or at least not as consistently as the DSM says the behaviors should be displayed.

I've also heard that there is somewhat of a difference between what is diagnosed ad AS in Europe and what is diagnosed as AS in the US, the US "kind" of Asperger's being more of the shy, wallflower type.

This was something very random that I read, a long time ago and I'm really not trying to start any controversy lol, but has anyone heard anything similar?


Yeah, this.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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22 Feb 2011, 6:14 pm

I don't know if my mother would be diagnosable, but she does have a lot of spectrum traits. The thing is she has a perfect combination of obliviousness, un-self-consciousness, and earnestness (and says exactly what she thinks all the time), that people tend to be a bit charmed. Sometimes they're off balance at first, but then they realize that she is 100% who she presents herself to be (no hidden agendas, no guile or deceit) and they'll talk to her for hours.

I don't know if she was unusually popular in school as a kid, but she was definitely not in need of friends (though in Japan being an "A" student earns you popularity, so that probably helped as well).



y-pod
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22 Feb 2011, 8:14 pm

It's possible. Depends on what other kids in your area are like. I was fairly popular, and I grew up in geek central, where intelligence and talents were valued above anything else. Lots of kids wanted to be my friends. I didn't feel weird until after I moved to a more "normal" area.