The need for structure

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I recently came to the realization that I do my best in structured environments. I can communicate with people so long as I have a clear goal or task in mind. If I don't have that, I am completely lost.

For example, I've always struggled with what to do during "break times". I remember that my least favorite classes were always the ones where the teacher let the class go wild. My favorite ones were when the class was strict and had clear rules. I like to know exactly what is expected of me and if I know that, I will work hard and do my best.

This applies to social situations, too. For example, I teach about asthma to patients at the hospital. I can speak to them without many problems because I know what I'm supposed to be doing and there's a script I need to follow. Similarly, the idea of public speaking doesn't scare me, assuming I know what I'm talking about. I enjoy tutoring. I don't mind speaking with people with whom I have a clear relationship with (ie mentor, student, supervisor).

On the other hand, having an unstructured conversation, such as making small talk, is a very daunting task. I don't know what to talk about and I don't know how the conversation will go. I have trouble responding to people's questions. I often say the wrong thing or stumble over little things. Simple questions like, "So what kind of music do you listen to?" can stump me. I get caught between wanting to be as factual and truthful as I can, but at the same time, I also know that people don't really want to know the complete answer. They are just looking for a generalization. Again, there's this problem with ambiguity and uncertainty.

Does anyone else experience this?

I know that it's a common thing for Aspies to need a routine. I have my "list of daily activities" and I don't like changes in plans. But if I plan ahead for something, I can do it. I just need to have it in mind for awhile and warm up to the idea. Spontaneity is a little lost on me, though it's a lot easier to deal with a decision that I've made versus a decision that is imposed on me by someone else. I mind a lot less if I decide to go on a trip a day earlier than, say, if someone else decided that's what we are doing.

Oh well, enough rambling. Any thoughts?

I certainly do a lot better in conversation if I have a topic at hand. I know I would do a lot better in daily life if I had more structure but I find it hard to establish. My mind is always off somewhere on it's own.

I do best in structured enviroments but I dont like them it is this constant push and pull of my creative self and my aspie self. I find that structure allows me to have less over stimulation, but I get bored with it, and crave things that are different, then I get overwelmed then I go back to structure and get bored again...the cycle keeps going. I wish I could find a way to be creative within structure.

Yeah, people were always shocked when I gave a presentation, because they thought I was shy. But I did just fine with them. The odd thing is that I'm not sure I could do the same now and would be very anxious if I had to.

Same here for me.

I need a certain level of structure because uncertainty has always bothered me. If I don't know the "rules" a new situation could arise, one in which I hadn't previously prepared myself for. This sometimes goes for even simple things where the answer might be common sense to others. I remember going to intern at a courthouse and my supervisor was ill one day. I had a mental breakdown when no one told me what I should be doing, yet I was still expected to find something to do. My life is filled with situations like that. I can figure it out if I have a quiet place to think about it, but I can't improvise like some people do. I seem to walk through new situations like a zombie not really understanding what's going on around me, or what is expected of me, everything feels disconnected around me including myself. If I know what I'm up against I have some control over the situation.

Yes, I know what you mean. I just got out of a meeting, and I did fine at the meeting. We had an agenda, and followed the agenda. I just can't handle groups of people at a party.

I like routine, but can move beyond it for a bit, but then I start to loose the plot and yearn to have my stability and I become more and more overwhelmed. I need people to tell me exactly what they want or expect from me otherwise I have no idea and feel completely lost.