Am I the only one who feels this way about some Aspies?

Page 1 of 2 [ 32 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

jmnixon95
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,931
Location: 미국

08 Mar 2011, 5:17 pm

Am I the only one who gets slightly annoyed by the "Asperger's card" that some Aspies play when they want to get out of being called a "jacka**," "douchebag," "devil," etc.?
In other words... when they deliberately insult someone, then go and blame it on having Asperger's and try to make the other person (usually NT) think, "Oh, the poor little baby is autistic... he can't control anything he says or does, so it's okay for him to talk to me/treat me that way... he honestly can't help it, that poor baby..."

I know a lot of us aren't like this, but some are. (I know of two.)

It can also apply to something not quite as narrow: blaming Asperger's on anything that they do incorrectly, or any mistakes that they make. (I'm not talking about ASDs in general in this instance.)

It really makes my blood boil...



anbuend
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,039

08 Mar 2011, 5:22 pm

I've met exactly one autistic person that I know does this, out of... a whole lot of others.

Yeah, it pisses me off, but I think the "legend" of such people is much larger than the reality. And I don't like the propagation of the "legend" because it's usually used as an excuse to be nasty to any and all autistic people, to doubt diagnoses, to get excessively mad at autistic people who've done nothing more than first take something literally and then explain that autism makes them do that, etc. I've seen tons of damage done to autistic people from the "legend" of this being a widespread problem, far more damage than is done by even the most aggravating of the "I can't help picking fights with people on purpose and then accusing them of abusing me if they fight back, I'm autistic!" crowd. (And yes that's an actual example from the person I know, who has done a whole lot of damage to a lot of people. But nothing near the amount of damage done by the "legend" that this is an enormous, widespread problem.)


_________________
"In my world it's a place of patterns and feel. In my world it's a haven for what is real. It's my world, nobody can steal it, but people like me, we live in the shadows." -Donna Williams


wavefreak58
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,419
Location: Western New York

08 Mar 2011, 5:23 pm

Separating the ass from Asperger's?

Actually, this is a major theme in therapy, learning enough about yourself to know when autism is the issue and when sometimes you're just being an ass.


_________________
When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.


jmnixon95
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,931
Location: 미국

08 Mar 2011, 5:25 pm

anbuend wrote:
I've met exactly one autistic person that I know does this, out of... a whole lot of others.

Yeah, it pisses me off, but I think the "legend" of such people is much larger than the reality. And I don't like the propagation of the "legend" because it's usually used as an excuse to be nasty to any and all autistic people, to doubt diagnoses, to get excessively mad at autistic people who've done nothing more than first take something literally and then explain that autism makes them do that, etc. I've seen tons of damage done to autistic people from the "legend" of this being a widespread problem, far more damage than is done by even the most aggravating of the "I can't help picking fights with people on purpose and then accusing them of abusing me if they fight back, I'm autistic!" crowd. (And yes that's an actual example from the person I know, who has done a whole lot of damage to a lot of people. But nothing near the amount of damage done by the "legend" that this is an enormous, widespread problem.)


Meh, maybe we're around different people. I don't know your age, but I know many teenagers with AS and this may be part of it.

wavefreak58 wrote:
Actually, this is a major theme in therapy, learning enough about yourself to know when autism is the issue and when sometimes you're just being an ass.


I wish more people attended therapy, then.



anbuend
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,039

08 Mar 2011, 5:35 pm

Yeah I'm 30. The person I'm thinking of was in their late 20s. I don't know a lot of teens, but a lot of teens will use anything as an excuse, or else simply not even know what's being autistic and what's just them being a jerk. I think that's something all people have trouble learning until they're in their early to mid 20s or so, to tell the truth.


_________________
"In my world it's a place of patterns and feel. In my world it's a haven for what is real. It's my world, nobody can steal it, but people like me, we live in the shadows." -Donna Williams


wavefreak58
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,419
Location: Western New York

08 Mar 2011, 5:44 pm

anbuend wrote:
Yeah I'm 30. The person I'm thinking of was in their late 20s. I don't know a lot of teens, but a lot of teens will use anything as an excuse, or else simply not even know what's being autistic and what's just them being a jerk. I think that's something all people have trouble learning until they're in their early to mid 20s or so, to tell the truth.


Yeah. A lot of people grow up and stop blaming everything on a 'condition'. Some people never do. The ones that grow up adapt, and know when an underlying disorder is causing problems.

Sort of a broad generality, but close enough.


_________________
When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.


dunbots
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jan 2011
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,721
Location: Washington, USA

08 Mar 2011, 5:50 pm

I have so much wrong with me I'm not even sure there is a real me. :P

The types of people you mention can be annoying, although sometimes they are right. In the past I've said/done things, and reflecting on it later figured out it was because of one of my shortcomings.



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

08 Mar 2011, 5:56 pm

I don't recall seeing anyone actually saying they're being an a**hole because AS makes it hard for them not to be.

I had to explain to someone that I don't always realize I'm saying or doing something annoying because i miss social cues. I suspect that will be taken as trying to blame AS. I feel the person is using me as a mirror for her own issues and I kind of wish all those issues would go away and leave me alone now.



simon_says
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,075

08 Mar 2011, 5:59 pm

I would never think of making excuses for being a jerk beyond just being cranky. Ive certainly apologized a lot in my life for getting angry or nasty with someone. I know when I'm wrong and I try to correct it.



Zen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Nov 2010
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,868

08 Mar 2011, 6:04 pm

I have never come across anyone like this, but people have told me that I'm too nice to have Asperger's so apparently this belief is common. :?



jmnixon95
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,931
Location: 미국

08 Mar 2011, 6:06 pm

Zen wrote:
I have never come across anyone like this, but people have told me that I'm too nice to have Asperger's so apparently this belief is common. :?


Did an NT say that?



Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,452
Location: East China Sea

08 Mar 2011, 6:08 pm

Yup, major-pisser-offer.

I also can't stand people who post things like 'oh, you should never expect an aspie to be capeable of X/Y/Z... ' when their partner complains

(X/Y/Z usually being some minor task you could train a monkey to do; whether it has a significant place in the monkey's heart often being rather academic)



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,157
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

08 Mar 2011, 11:48 pm

Well I have done things considered rude and such in the past because of the social issues associated with aspergers, but I can usually tell when its a social misunderstanding and when I am just being an ass. However a lot of people if I try and explain why I may have came off as rude will just accuse me of making excuses which can be frusterating. I mean if I don't look someone in the eye or something its not because I am being rude its because its physically and mentally uncomfortable to do so.



Tsukimi
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 168
Location: Italy

09 Mar 2011, 1:02 am

jmnixon95 wrote:
Am I the only one who gets slightly annoyed by the "Asperger's card" that some Aspies play when they want to get out of being called a "jacka**," "douchebag," "devil," etc.?
In other words... when they deliberately insult someone, then go and blame it on having Asperger's and try to make the other person (usually NT) think, "Oh, the poor little baby is autistic... he can't control anything he says or does, so it's okay for him to talk to me/treat me that way... he honestly can't help it, that poor baby..."

I know a lot of us aren't like this, but some are. (I know of two.)

It can also apply to something not quite as narrow: blaming Asperger's on anything that they do incorrectly, or any mistakes that they make. (I'm not talking about ASDs in general in this instance.)

It really makes my blood boil...


I hate it as well. I try my best to do things right, if I make *mistakes* I can try to explain, but explanation =|= excuse. I also don't like those who say that since they are soooo sincere they cannot care that you have feelings and get hurt. Well, at least try!



poppyfields
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 377

09 Mar 2011, 1:14 am

I very much feel a lot of this is because some parents treat their aspie children like porcelain. They coddle them and so the child feels entitled. I see that attitude a lot in teenage aspies of today. It is one reason why I hate parents of aspies, they often have an excuse for everything. I sometimes act like a jerk, like everyone doees on occaison, but that's really different from when I fail at some social interaction. But some let asperger's be an excuse for everything. I also see this a lot in the relationship threads where the NT is chastised and expected to do all the work to fix the problem but the poor, defenseless aspie is blameless of course.

/rant



NcNbl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 590
Location: beside you..

09 Mar 2011, 1:21 am

wavefreak58 wrote:
Separating the ass from Asperger's?

i like..

***hi wavefreak58.. hi people..


_________________
"If being in a wrong planet; I think I like your's." :alien:
:mrgreen: NT, knighted :star: Honorary Aspie :star: for my love for an aspie.. :heart: