struggle with authority...

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I don't know if i am the only one here who suffers this, but I really struggle with authority. To give you an example, I got really angry last night because my wife asked me to turn down the radio when I was in the bath. It made me feel controlled, upset, resentful and wishing that I lived on my own. I've only been married to her for 4 weeks and it upsets me to think these thoughts. My previous marriage, my work and my relationships have all suffered in this way before. I act like a child throwing a tantrum because i cant get my own way.

I feel like I should be allowed to do what I want when I want to and no one should tell me otherwise. The trouble is I also get cross if other people act like i do as I think they are not taking into account my feelings.... It is all very hypocritical of me i know, but I really struggle to contain it...

Another example is i feel I can drive at whatever speed i like on the roads.. "who are they to tell me how to drive...i'm perfectly safe driving at 90mph on the moptorway, or at 60 through the roadworks....." That is what my head says, yet I know the law would say different.

The stupid thing is that if I choose to drive at 50mph (average speed cameras are a nightmare for me..!) I get really cross at anyone up my rear view mirror who thinks they can drive faster than 50mph...

I know all this sounds really petty and stupid, but it is causing me so much stress...

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can either not have these thoughts or at worst, control the anger and resentment i feel?

I used to work at place where i was a manager and had my own workload, and could be in control of my day... I now work for a retail company (not my ideal choice I have now discovered) where every aspect of my day is controlled by a computer checking in system and the managers who want to tell me what to do all the time.

I hate it.... I really hate it, and it it is very upsetting.

Rant over...

Help?

ok... not helpful....

But thanks I guess.

http://www.Asperger-Advice.com/work-related-issues.html

On this page, I feel that my concern is with the following at work....

Life is about choices and compromise and perhaps you need to try keep that in mind when you are in these situations. Like the radio incident, when you are getting riled, ask yourself which is more important to you, being able to do as you please or being able to please your wife. Then it's not about something being imposed on you, it's about you making a choice for your life.

Separating negative criticism from normal interactions is a skill that can be learned. But you gotta wanna.

Are you in therapy? This is the sort of thing a good shrink (emphasis on GOOD) can help with. Even though Asperger's presents special issues in cognition and perception, there is a lot of what we do that is just as human as anyone. It's important to learn to separate ASD issues from things that can and should be adjusted. For instance, if you have a huge sensory issue regarding certain noises, you can't change that. But you can't let that particular sensory issue become a default escape valve for justifying unrelated behavior.

Does your new wife know you are Aspie? That would qualify as a huge omission if not. If she does, then you will both need to keep this in mind. The danger is in letting Asperger's define everything in your marriage. If it becomes the central theme of your shared life it will end badly (IMHO). Relationships REQUIRE compromise. The trick is finding the right balance so that neither partner ends up as a marital demagogue. A crude analogy would be if you are missing a leg, it shouldn't interfere with your ability to enjoy a steak dinner. Asperger's is the missing leg. You need to actively find ways to eat steak (or tofu if you are vegan )

I think my son struggles with this quite a bit. Have you tried Cognitive Behavior Therapy? This is designed to help you change the way your think about things. I work on this sort of with my son in his social group. He's 9 and not an adult, but it's the same premise.

He is doing a new thing called Rock Brain and SuperFlex. Rock Brain is where your brain gets stuck, like you with your music in the shower. You don't want your wife to turn it down, but she needs to hear something. Your feeling is like Rock Brain, you are upset because you have to change something...Superflex then comes in and helps your brain think with more flexibility so you are able to be able to take your shower without music, or be OK with a compromise of maybe turning the music down, but not off, or figuring out what could fix the problem in the future such as getting a shower radio or something.

It's flexibility I think you have the issue with, not so much an issue with authority. CBT techniques could help you find ways to be more flexible. With my son we are starting with small things and moving to more difficult ones. It's basicly retraining your brain.

Good Luck. I'm sure this really hard for you like it is for my son.

You may feel all those things but knowing you can recognise it and control how you react to it is huge. Don't beat yourself up too badly.

You rationalized your feelings about the radio in the bath - you KNOW you don't want to be alone. In the moment, as soon as you recognise the anger building - breathe. If you can, start consciously focusing on your breathing. I do this to redirect myself at times, to break the unwanted internal rant that I know will rage for hours if I don't short circuit it. I really hate being told what to do - more so in my personal life than at work. I needed to find a coping strategy. I haven't been able to change the thought process but I can refocus alot of the time now.

Any time my husband brings something to my attention that he's unhappy with, I get really upset!! Not fists flying or anything like that... no screaming, either, but I get an attitude! I expect HIM to be okay with me 'scolding' him, though. So contradictory and hard to change. lol

Sounds like ODD. I suppose if you decided to blast your music very loud not even caring if it bothers other people in their apartments, you'd be upset if I came downstairs knocking on your door and politely asking you to turn it down or if the landlord came by and talked to you about blasting your music very loud.

I think i can relate to you here.. My entire life ive had this idea in my head that no one owns me. Im not arrogant, so it has nothing to do with a f***ed sense of entitlement. Its just how the world operates. We are all equals so unless theres a god(which i dont believe in) telling me differently, no one can stop me from obtaining what i want if it really matters to me. You only live once.

I have these same issues. I think most Aspies do. I work in a place with a lot of kiss ass puppets who don't deserve their jobs. I absolutely resent them and hate when they tell me what to do. I usually don't listen to them and am in a position that I can ignore them without any major issues. I deal with a lot of the same thing in my personal life. It gets me pissed off, but usually is because I don't like the person that is telling me what to do or giving ordered. If I like the person, I usually am pretty flexible because I like them and respect them.

I can't even claim jobseekers allowance because I don't go to meetings they arrange for me or apply for jobs they tell me to as I don't like being told what to do

I don't want to pay taxes either I do feel like I'm trapped in this society, it annoys me that people expect me to obey the law, I never signed anything that said I agree with it I was just born into it and they just think they can put anyone they like in a cage, I have a real problem with other people who think they can tell me what to do I listen only to my conscience.

ODD is a strong diagnosis. I don't doubt there are people that have it of course, but I just feel that in most cases Aspies are the ones more fit to BE the authorative figure. Most of us see everything in black and white/ wrong from right. We use logic, which many NT's, in my experience, lack. This of course makes your general person unfit to be authority (aside from the fact that they usually end up abusing their 'power') and you're dang right it gets us in a fit. Unfortunately, idiots are given leadership roles all the time. And, unfortunately, my husband says a lot of stupid crap, too. (bless his heart). LOL!!

I think you need to figure out how to change your perspective and the automatic thoughts that occur whenever something happens that is not to your liking. As others have said, therapy might help, but I think you can on your own consciously think about how you react. You are already self-aware enough to describe the problem. You need to take the next step and really think about how you can change the way you perceive the situations you describe. Not just how to react to them, but how you actually perceive them.

For instance, if your wife asks you to turn down the music, you need to stop and think, "Why is she asking me to turn it down? Would I feel the same way that she is feeling if I were in her situation? What can I do to make the situation better for her?" Generally, you need to try to put yourself in other people's shoes and figure out how you can help them, rather than just automatically listening to your own annoyance. That puts you in a position in which you are in control.