Recent Diagnosis

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My husband has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. He is in his mid-40's. My husband meets the criteria (i have no doubt about that). What I am confused with is that my husband doesn't seem to have any real interest in exploring his diagnosis. His standard answer to most questions or suggestions (unless they are to do with his favourite topics) is "maybe". He doesn't disagree with his diagnosis, but he doesn't seem to say anything about it either. He sees no point in sharing this diagnosis with his parents or brother. Everyone on this forum appears intelligent and good communicators in writing. My husband gets stressed when writing anything in case it does not make sense.

He stayed in the same job for 16 years, then another job for 10 years and in the last year it has gone downhill. He changed jobs and has had a colleague complain on several occasions to his supervisor that he speaks too loudly and brings up random topics. As a result of this he looked for alternate work (he wanted something more regular anyway). He got a job on a production line, packing bottles, putting lids on bottles etc. 5 weeks into the job and he has been told that he doesn't appear to be "taking to it". He has no idea what went wrong. I can only assume he probably didn't keep up to speed.

I wonder how people in mid-life cope with a diagnosis of Aspergers. Can symptoms get worse as a person gets older purely because they become "tired" of dealing with it or maybe more fixed in their ways. Sometimes I look at my husband and feel that he is 15-20 years older than he really is. Not in looks, but the way he acts.

I have no useful answer to most of your post but I can see why he wouldn't want to tell his family. If I was ever to get diagnosed then I can't imagine telling people who have known me my whoele life, I wouldn't want them changing their opinion of me.

Yes. I spent nearly a half-century trying to find a place to "fit in", then I spent a decade trying to "pace myself" well enough to not completely wear out too early ... and now I have to try to learn to deal with the stress and anxiety of having been an all-around failure in life.

There's a few threads in this forum about autistic burnout. Basically, the frustration of trying to makes sense of the world and not fitting becomes overwhelming. Then there's a big crash and burn and often the traits of autism become more evident. It's not that they get worse so much has the effort in covering them up is too much.

Yep I'm definately worse now than I was a few years ago. I am completely exhausted and just can't be bothered with the effort anymore. I went to the doctors in my slippers today because they are comfortable and I couldn't be bothered with what anyone else thought.

Saying that, my dad does the same thing and he doesn't have Asperger's so perhaps I'm just getting old.

This.

I am 37 and have just experienced the big crash and my traits are becoming more (and more) evident as I don't have the energy to cover them up any more.
Whether that lack of energy is from getting older, depression or just sheer exhaustion for acting for 37 years I don't know. Probably a mixture of all three.
I am just beginning the process of diagnosis (in the UK, and with no cash to pay to go private, it can be a looooong process).

Some of us who communicate well in writing put a huge amount of effort into it, writing and rewriting until it makes sense. It can take some people here hours to write a simple post, though of course there is no way to tell when reading who writes naturally and easily and who really stresses over it. For me, it takes a while with many edits and rewrites - but generally my problem is overexplaining so my posts tend to be longer than necessary even when I'm editing them to make them clearer! Nevertheless, writing is easier for me than talking and it is usually my communication method of preference; I sometimes wish there were other ways but in this society talking or writing seem to be your only mainstream "choices".

My standard answer to most questions in speech is silence. Or if I have to answer, "maybe" or "I don't know". That doesn't necessarily represent the process or the answer that I have in my head. But that, I think, is part of autism/aspergers.

People have different ways of thinking--your husband may be much better at thinking in terms of numbers or pictures--or something else entirely.

It can be difficult to find a job that matches our talents--many jobs have evolved to require much more social interaction than they formerly had--an engineer who used to work by themselves now has regular meetings to attend.

There's a long article that he & you might want to see, called "Help! I think I'm becoming more autistic.". It goes into a number of reasons why a person might start appearing to be more autistic. I.e. There is a section on burnout, and a section about aging, and a number if others.

Here's a link:

www.autistics.org/library/more-autistic.html

Oh, they can get worse, too. In 2003, they became noticeably worse for me (even if I didn't know what they were), and in the past few months they became slightly worse and much more evident.

I was not diagnosed with Aspergers until I was 40. I worked two jobs for 9 years each but I was treated like dirt at them. I have been laid off from one of these jobs since October 09'. The longer I stay away from people the worst my Aspergers is getting. Just going to the store causes me to become dizzy, sweaty, and awkward. The dizzyness and sweating comes from my blood pressure spiking. I can only imagine how it will be when I start a new job having to deal with new bosses and employees. I believe the stress from being autistic has caused me to have extremely high blood pressure. The high blood pressure has lead to an enlarged heart, 80% kidney function, and congestive heart failure. Now because I never exercise and barely leaving the house sitting infront of a computer screen all day I have become diabetic as well.

I found out about 9 months ago and I'm in my 40's.

Hes probably trying to make sense of the diagnosis and his life, and may be struggling on how to move forward in the right way.

There are very few obvious answers apart from the fact that he is autistic.

I took my DX outwardly in much the same manner. The shrink told me he thought I had Aspergers. I laughed and then realized he was serious and told him that I was not there to discuss anything but my grief. (tried to focus him) The next session he brings it up again and I very calmly tell him that I looked into this "claim" and if it gives him a baseline from which to understand me then I will allow it much like I allow INTJ to be assigned to me. I told him that everything I can tell, the label is nothing more than character traits. I then again instructed him to focus on my grief issues. What I failed to realize at that time was that my "grief" issues were really all about my Aspergers and about me crashing to some degree.

My DX was in Nov and only now (5 months later) am I starting to comprehend this label and how it is affecting me and my life. I do not think that anyone could have convinced me to go faster than I am going. It is a BIG pill to swallow.

Wow........ that's how my husband has been answering questions for years.