Adult male aspies being bullied by teenage boys?

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18 Mar 2011, 8:46 am

Do you think this is common? I personally have had a few experiences that I would consider bullying. I think sometimes we may come off as younger than our actually age which may attract bulllies. Has anyone ever experienced this?



wavefreak58
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18 Mar 2011, 8:57 am

I could see this happening, especially when the outward appearances of an Aspie adult mark them as easy prey. I walk with my head down a lot and at times a slightly odd gait. This could be seen as passivity by someone that was looking to cause trouble. Fortunately for me, I have a bit of "crazy eye" so when eye contact is actually made, even with my typically fleeting autistic glance, I am usually passed by for less perplexing quarry.

Some of the people on the spectrum that I've met could have some real problems with this, though. Just the way the walk sends out a signal that they are vulnerable. Jerks are everywhere, seeking ways to puff up their egos. Treating an autistic like crap is a favorite pastime of such sub-humans.


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dyingofpoetry
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18 Mar 2011, 9:09 am

I've had problems with this many times. I even try to avoid groups of teenagers when I can.


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18 Mar 2011, 9:36 am

I used to have this problem. I started lifting weights and working on my posture and 'presence' and relaxing in public. I would also recommend taking a martial arts class.

I think probably the best deterrent is simple self 'belief', and self confidence. If you have that, no one will bother you.


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kx250rider
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18 Mar 2011, 10:00 am

I feel that uneasiness when approaching a group of teen boys, as I feel them staring me down or something. I don't feel it much or at all if it's one or two, but a group of 4 or 6 is almost menacing sometimes. I do dress younger than I am, and I sense that they are picking up instantly on my weird signals, and it feels like they might try to do something. I also have to be fair, and say that they never have done anything besides looking at me funny. The closest I get to trouble is if a group of teen (or early 20s) thug-like guys are with their girlfriends, and the girlfriends notice me. That's scary, as I know they'd pick a fight over something like that.

The best thing I can do is always walk with confidence and purpose, and if I see them staring me down head-on, I keep right on going and give a polite nod and look like I'm in a hurry but not afraid. Or sometimes I pull out my phone and act like I'm checking a text, or I pause to look at something in a store window as they pass, etc. Any diversion. I also have a bit more confidence in my ability NOT to be a good target for any kind of physical hassling, shoving, etc... I'm a 6-foot tall bodybuilder with arms bigger than most mens' legs, and big veins popping out, LOL... And I look pretty menacing as if I could pull them apart like a rag doll if I needed to. (avatar pic is recent/accurate). But on the other hand, I have no fighting or self-defense skills, so the size must not be allowed to give me a false sense of confidence to get me into trouble.

Charles



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18 Mar 2011, 10:16 am

kx250rider wrote:
And I look pretty menacing as if I could pull them apart like a rag doll if I needed to. (avatar pic is recent/accurate). But on the other hand, I have no fighting or self-defense skills, so the size must not be allowed to give me a false sense of confidence to get me into trouble.


I realised that strength/size isn't quite enough for my own sense of confidence. That's why I think martial arts is great. You don't even really need to be fit (never mind strong) for something like Aikido to be super effective.

Being as big as you are could even draw trouble, I imagine. People might see you as threatening, and want to try 'offence as the best defence'. Maybe that's why you draw the attention of the thugs.


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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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18 Mar 2011, 10:20 am

Absolutely, this is a serious matter.

In fact, either Doug Peacock of Tim Treadwell writing about grizzly bears, had more trouble with the sub-adult males. So it may even be cross-species!

And yes, in 'feeling their oats,' I think adolescent boys gravitate to someone less scary.

It is serious. But I think the general method is nonengagement.



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18 Mar 2011, 10:21 am

I learned a long time ago to walk like I am a badass on the street. I purposefully developed a street "swagger" to prevent any sort of confrontation. It works like a charm. If you can avoid walking like a dork, do it.



wavefreak58
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18 Mar 2011, 10:21 am

Moog wrote:
I realised that strength/size isn't quite enough for my own sense of confidence. That's why I think martial arts is great. You don't even really need to be fit (never mind strong) for something like Aikido to be super effective.


I love my marshal arts classes (Krav Maga). It's not as stylized as many traditional forms, but it is very effective.


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18 Mar 2011, 11:26 am

I don't do martial arts, have no interest in them. I take ballet and jazz instead.

On Wednesday morning I discovered that a facebook "friend" had stole a photo of me and posted it on facebook tagging himself and two of his friends in the photo even though they are not in the photo, I'm the only one in the photo. apparently it had happened over a month ago because I noticed commments that were made in february including one by some person that said she's seen me at the gym. This "friend" is someone that to my knowledge that i've never met in real life, but is friends with a number of girls that have also friended me that he goes to school with. I took immediate action with the photo that resulted in my blocking him. I have since decided to I will not accept friend requests from straight male teenage boys that I've never met before. I can't trust them.



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18 Mar 2011, 11:33 am

I have had teens say stuff to me but they are usually in large pack of a**holes or they are across the street. Never one on one or up close...cowards I guess.


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18 Mar 2011, 11:59 am

I also get those uneasy feelings when walking past teenage boys. I keep my head up and look straight ahead. That way they don't bother me.


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18 Mar 2011, 4:56 pm

I'm not male but I've had it happen to me a lot, including while I was being perceived as male. As far as I can tell, from the remarks people were making, it was all about "messing with the ree-tard".


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Janissy
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18 Mar 2011, 5:08 pm

anbuend wrote:
I'm not male but I've had it happen to me a lot, including while I was being perceived as male..


How did that happen? You don't look like a man in any of the pictures of yourself that you've linked.



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19 Mar 2011, 6:43 am

Don't ask me. It happens with a fair bit of regularity.


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19 Mar 2011, 7:38 am

This can be easier said than done for some but this is my method:
Whenever practical, avoid troublesome appearing herds and areas that look troublesome. This is the best approach and is more legally defendable.
However, DO NOT make the appearance of avoiding a group of potential predators once they have line of sight to you, whether they are looking or not. Purposely avoiding them gives an obvious appearance of fear and vulnerability, the last thing you want.
I carry myself upright in public with a confident stride and a hard eye which to them spells “hard target”.
If you encounter a herd that’s looking for trouble they’re going to be looking for a soft target.
The idea is to;
1. Avoid when possible.
2. NOT to look vulnerable.