"I can't relax unless . . . "

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Lately I have been thinking about all of the conditions I place upon myself before I allow myself to relax in any measure so that I can go to sleep. So, in no particular order, I can't relax unless:

1. My flat is tidy and very clean - it is especially important that the dishwasher is filled and there are no crumbs or hairs on the floor.

2. I have showered thoroughly.

3. I am reasonably confident that none of my possessions are disintegrating . . . I have a strange obsession about all of my things (especially clothes) getting holes and worn patches in them. So, if I observe a tear or a loose button, I will feel more anxious than usual until I either mend it or cut my losses and get rid of the item.

4. I have spent a reasonable portion of the day hungry - usually about three hours is satisfactory. (I eat only twice a day).

5. I am confident that my bladder is as empty as possible (otherwise I obsess about getting a UTI).

6. I have cleaned my earrings and nose studs.

7. I have done my exercise routine.

8. My teeth and tongue are clean.

9. My bed has been prepared to strict specifications. These are that the bottom duvet is perfectly straight and equal lengths of it are hanging at each side of the bed, and that the top one (I sleep with two) is further down than the bottom one and the bottom is rolled up to form a 'sausage' that prevents a draught coming in and annoying me.

10. None of my skin is folding onto itself and annoying me - largely this applies to my stomach. Because of how I am with food, I haven't had any spare flesh on my stomach to cause folding since I was a child, but I remember how much it bothered me and I'd certainly be very anxious and unhappy if it happened now.

Does anyone else have things that just have to be so before they can relax? Often, one or more of these things isn't the case, which I think contributes to my general levels of stress and anxiety.

I can't relax unless I put in a good day at my clubhouse.
I can't relax unless my chores are done.
I can't relax unless I call my mum in the morning.

Here's a program for you; ''I will relax despite...''

Much nicer.

This rings a lot of bells for me. I need:

1. To be clean and dry. Have to have comfortable clothes on, clean feet, no itchy spots or tight things.

2. House needs to be neat. It never really gets mussy anyhow.

3. No sounds or noises outside of my control.

4. No expectations. If I'm waiting on something I obsess over it until it comes to pass.

5. I need to be drinking something; tea, beer, water, juice. Something.

6. Comfortable temperature. Too hot or cold and I can't think.

7. Oh, should be #1, TO BE ALONE.

I absolutely, bar none, need to have showered the night before.

I also feel pretty out of sorts if I don't have something to drink.

I know what you mean about the food. I try to eat only twice a day. I can overdo it in the evening and binge. I feel better if I spend some of the day hungry, too.

If you're talking about alcohol, I agree. I absolutely hate being 'drunk', or even really buzzed, but having a couple beers just seems to pull me back into my element. My edginess and irritability subside, and my creativity and ambition skyrocket with just a beer or two.

And I don't mean socially; I much prefer to drink alone or with my girlfriend.

In no particular order for sleeping I really need:

empty bladder

pillow to hug

fan/aircon noise or meditation music

darkness

to be mentally or physically exhaused otherwise my mind races

all housework is done (I have kids and cats so that is never done!). All tasks on my lists are complete, I have too many to count so that is never done. I can't actually think of a time I have felt properly relaxed for a long time, not that I am stressed either, just permanently busy!

These are true for me too - I get especially upset and on edge of someone in the next flat is playing loud music.