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Chickenbird
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19 Mar 2011, 2:42 pm

This is possibly a stupid question but do you think that if the world was reversed and there were only a few NTs, that they would have trouble making eye contact?

Which of our "difficulties" would disappear and which would remain?


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auntblabby
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19 Mar 2011, 9:19 pm

hello there :)
i can speak only for myself- my problems are manifest whether or not there is a single other human in the world who is NT. as for eye contact issues, mine tend to be in lack of fluency, just like in any other application of body language- i can make eye contact but it lacks appropriateness and is often "sticky." i deliberately pay [as an affectation] rapt attention to whomever i am listening-to, both because i am a bit hard-of-hearing [reading lips and looking for other facial clues] as well as a matter of golden-rule kindness, in that i'd want the person i was speaking with to pay me the same kind of attention as i was paying them. i hope that made sense.



Chickenbird
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20 Mar 2011, 2:45 pm

I do that too auntblabby and was so proud of myself until I realised from this forum that I almost certainly have odd eye contact, and as you say it isn't fluent. For this reason, apart from the golden rule, I have given up trying to learn social skills for my own sake as
I can see there will always be leftover oddness. It may even be more disturbing if it only falls short by a tiny margin.

This becomes more difficult when someone says "just do this" and I know I can't pull it off but can't get them to understand that.
They haven't grasped themselves how very complex their behaviour is.

Although my husband hit the nail on the head when he said "when they tell you just be yourself, and don't like the results, they really meant, just be MYself"

I realise I have derailed my own thread, but that is conversations for you ;)


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CockneyRebel
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20 Mar 2011, 3:17 pm

I look at the person's mouth or nose when I'm talking to them.


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the_curmudge
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20 Mar 2011, 6:30 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I look at the person's mouth or nose when I'm talking to them.


Me, too. Over the years I've moved up from the mouth to the bridge of the nose, and that seems to satisfy most people.



pensieve
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20 Mar 2011, 6:35 pm

Eye contact does not come naturally to me, unless I'm angry. And being angry during every social interaction might backfire on me.
I have to remember to make eye contact and social situations seem to pass by so quickly for me I forget to look someowhere that isn't as distracting/distressful.

But with NT's it comes naturally.


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20 Mar 2011, 7:42 pm

I cant do it right I eithier look away completely or stare at them to the point where I ''freak them out''...I look like this i guess -> 8O ...
I dont get why no one (professionals) has picked up on what im doing...im conscious of it but there is nothing I can do ,I would be worse if I was trying to do what they were doing...or what I read on the internet that their eye go to different parts of the communicating person's face or something like that?


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auntblabby
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20 Mar 2011, 8:21 pm

Chickenbird wrote:
I can see there will always be leftover oddness. It may even be more disturbing if it only falls short by a tiny margin.


that is called "the uncanny valley."

Chickenbird wrote:
This becomes more difficult when someone says "just do this" and I know I can't pull it off but can't get them to understand that. They haven't grasped themselves how very complex their behaviour is.


lots of folk just won't "get it" unless they themselves are made to experience the same problem. empathy is a relatively rare thing.