"To Socialise or Not?"

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I thought this was interesting

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/qui ... e-question

Somewhat surprising, that one.

What do you guys make of this? Hopefully it won't be as badly twisted and misinterpreted as the last article of this type I posted

How do you balance (or not) the need to socialise with the need to unsocialise?

I read that same article. It correlates with how aspies don't need that much social stimulation.

Thank you for posting, that's very interesting!

You're welcome.

My mother got me a subscription to Psy.Today some time ago. They had some article awhile back, "Revenge of the Introverts". Ah... I do so enjoy the introvert articles...

I think there a lot more introverts i the world than we all think... we figure so many are outgoing because the extroverts are so damn loud they seem like a lot of people. Heh. Then toss in the need people can have to fit in and I agree... too much forced extroversion can lead to bad bad things for those of us who are not built that way. I also buy into the idea that less is more when the less has real, meaningful substance.

Me? I am still trying to figure out the balance. Currently I spend a few months talking to people now and then, and a few months hiding from people to recover from the talking. I always feel bad over it as I like the people I speak with and tend to cause them upset when I hide. I just suck at moderation... I'm working on that.

I found "that" in an article about introvert neurology as being different, i.e. different in/to sensitivity. No imaging here, but it alluded to brain hormonal sensitivities.
Maybe interesting: most of the gifted are introverts and if I remember it is close to 3 to 1.

In the INTJ experience, and at the risk of stating the obvious, being an introvert isn't well understood by people; they see too far few of the them. Quiet is associated with a "lack."

-" Why didn't you say that or this or why didn't you say something?" "You don't talk much."
-" He seems to not want to talk." "It's just not good to be alone like that."

I don't consciously balance or regulate it Moog. If there are weddings, graduations and the like I go to them and find something there to do. It's a change.

A bachelor for 35 years: I would sit in a theatre alone; eating out and shopping.

Asocial?

Last edited by Mdyar on 19 Mar 2011, 1:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

nm.

Last edited by KBerg on 20 Mar 2011, 12:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The extroverts find each other because they stand out but where it says that the introverts are happiest with a few good conversations instead of small talk, the introverts who like proper conversation have to first find each other then be brave enough to interact.

It does make sense tho. I have got myself into a group of extroverts, I like being part of the group (despite feeling like the tag along) and having social events to go to but I dread bumping into any of them in the street, I would have to think on the spot of appropriate small talk and sound extrovert and excitable like them.

I look around and see quiet people and want to get to know them, I wonder if they would be much more interesting but I would never know how to get to know them in the first place and as they are quiet too they are never likely to come and start a conversation with me. I also think if I did go and try to be friendly (whic I would not be brave enough to do anyway) then they may think I am just 'one of the loud ones' and not want to know me anyway!!

I always get fooled into thinking that I like meeting new people and having conversations because a few 1000% awesome exchanges stick in my mind.

I'm always let down when the conversation, nearly always, simply never rises to my expectations.

I liked that article.

OT: I misread this

as "My mother got me a subscription to p**** Today (...)"

A very relevant thread for people here.

Last edited by daspie on 21 Mar 2011, 7:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Heh heh heh.

What about people who need stimulation but prefer not to get it from socialization?

So everyone who needs lot of stimulation must prefer to get it from people?

I've known people who love being loud and energetic a lot---by themselves! How is that extroverted?

And I've known people who love socializing all the time but do it in front of a tv eating chips and getting high. Not a whole lot of stimulation going on there. Are these people introverted?

I think what they've recognized is a trend, that people who need lots of stimulation tend to seek it in social situations and people who want to avoid too much stimulation tend to do quiet activities alone. Still from personal experience this isn't completely universal.

Also factors in just how much stimulation a person gets from socializing, two different people might get different amounts and some people might be able to handle different amounts, and then a person might handle certain stimulations better and others worse, even within socializing itself. Personally I handle fun, mellow, unserious situations way better because I don't have to worry about my behavior as much. I'd even say I handle parties better than formal events. I have to contain so much at those things. I used to be very anxious at parties until I realized it was like a free pass to do what ever I want.

There would also be availability of experiences. This could show a social trend. Maybe in our society there just aren't that many opportunities for quiet social activities, and not that many outlets for loud individual activities.

I personally think this statements should be sent to this girl I know whos always striving to get to know more and more people. Me and her friend think its ridiculous at times. I think you should socialize as much as you want to and need to. The problem with many aspies is that we'd like to be more social but we have problems trying to achieve that. It took me 5 years to develop the skills to achieve what is a good number of friends/acquintances for me.

Theres a certain level of small talk that generally takes place in order to get to the point where u can engage in a substantial conversation. Im guessing many NTs find small talk as a way of life.

Some people think we have a problem because we can't do small talk. I think worse is when people can't move on from small talk into 'substantive talk'. What's up with them?

I'm not really joking.

What happens when the only answers I can sometimes give to small talk are substantive answers?

I limit my social interactions, I always feel much better for doing so.